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Does He Have a Fear of Commitment?

Does He Have a Fear of Commitment?

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2025-08-09T08:34:02+00:00August 11th, 2025|Couples Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues|

Commitment is the only way to make a relationship work in the long term. Yet, many people cannot seem to give themselves 100% to another person. They have a fear of commitment and being vulnerable. But what does the Bible say about commitment and marriage? How can we decipher if our significant other is the one? We can look for clues as to whether he has a fear of commitment. What is the fear of commitment? Commitment is defined as being dedicated to a cause or restricting behaviors and actions in an attempt to uphold that decision. (Oxford Languages Dictionary) For example, we have relationships, family, church, and work commitments. We dedicate ourselves to a particular person, company, place, obligation, or faith and stand by the commitment. Why does it seem like people have difficulty committing to relationships, and how do you know if your significant other harbors a fear of commitment? The reasons for the fear of commitment vary. It could stem from one’s childhood, modeling one’s parents’ tumultuous relationship as something he does not want for himself. He could have experienced heartbreak from a past relationship, which makes him wary of putting in the emotional work for a healthy relationship. He might not be emotionally mature enough for a serious relationship yet. If he jumps too quickly into an engagement or marriage with a fear of commitment, the chances of a breakup or divorce are greater. Marriage is a union modeled after our relationship with God. God asks us to be faithful to Him (loyalty to the One and Only God). He asks us to forsake all others and commit to Him and His purpose and calling for our lives. The relationship you have with your spouse should be the same. But if your husband still fears [...]

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Healthy and Effective Options to Address Teenage Problems

Healthy and Effective Options to Address Teenage Problems

Haley Jansen, Kate Motaung2025-08-08T07:36:03+00:00August 8th, 2025|Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Can you imagine what it would feel like to arrive on an alien planet, and to begin experiencing things you’d never even known existed? New sights, sensations, and tastes would be awakened. Consider how your body might feel in a different atmosphere with fewer or greater constraints than ours. The other question you’d face would be describing what you’re experiencing to yourself and others. Science fiction can help us imagine new worlds and understand ourselves better. In one sense, we don’t have to leave this planet to have strange experiences we struggle to understand or explain. Ask most teenagers, and you may find that experiencing the many changes that come with growing up can feel like a wild adventure to uncharted worlds. The good news is that while things seem new, different, and possibly terrifying for a teen experiencing all the changes that come with that, others have gone before them. There is guidance and support available to better understand these various changes and navigate them successfully. There are healthy and effective options available to address teenage problems that commonly crop up. The Challenge of the Teen Years What does it feel like to be a teen in the 21st Century? In many ways, teens today need to face things other generations never had to, so it’s new territory for the teens and their parents or caregivers. In other ways, teenage problems today are the same struggles that others have faced for generations; it’s just that the details and context change, but the human heart and our issues are much the same, with nothing new under the sun. The teen years can be challenging because they herald many different changes. Some of these changes include their bodies changing. For some kids, puberty starts earlier than their peers, which can [...]

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What is Gaming Disorder and How Can it Be Overcome?

What is Gaming Disorder and How Can it Be Overcome?

Kate Motaung2025-07-30T08:57:35+00:00July 30th, 2025|Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Play and having fun are a necessary part of life. It’s possible to be trapped in the mindset that you always need to be doing something useful. However, taking time to rest can help restore you so that you can work harder. Play allows us to exercise our freedom by doing something that brings joy and isn’t tied to necessity. This means, ironically, that play is something to take seriously. Having said that, it’s important to note that how and why you play also matter. This is because there are ways in which you can become trapped in unhealthy behaviors with play. Gaming disorder is one such way play can become distorted and unhealthy. Gaming Disorder Explained Gaming disorder, which is also called video game addiction, is when a person can no longer control their gaming behavior. Gaming includes any activity using an electronic device or gaming platform, as well as on the internet. Most people who develop significant gaming issues, however, mainly play on the internet. It’s estimated that between around two to ten percent of the population in the United States is affected by gaming addiction. It impacts children, teens, as well as adults. It isn’t known exactly what causes gaming addiction, though research suggests that the process of playing and winning a game may trigger the release of dopamine, which is a neurotransmitter that plays a key role in inducing the feeling of pleasure and motivation. Gaming disorder affects a small percentage of the people who play video games online or on other platforms. What this means is that if you play video games, it won’t necessarily lead to a gaming disorder. However, do pay close attention to how much time you’re spending playing games, especially if you find yourself unable to stop. If you begin to neglect [...]

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What Adapted ADHD Behavior Looks Like

What Adapted ADHD Behavior Looks Like

Jane Zerabruk, Kate Motaung2025-07-09T07:03:52+00:00July 9th, 2025|ADHD/ADD, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Living with ADHD can be an exhausting and, at times, emotional experience. Sometimes we become so stressed in social and professional situations that we end up exhibiting the worst traits of ADHD. However, we are not without hope, because we can adapt our behavior, though it might take practice, time, and patience. Let’s consider what adapted ADHD behavior looks like and contrast it to when we are distressed and under pressure. Understanding ADHD ADHD is classified as a neurodevelopmental disorder, which means that our brains are inhibited as far as certain behavior is concerned. We might struggle to organize our thoughts, remember certain details, control our emotions, stay focused on one thing, or prioritize our time between tasks. When we don’t understand the disorder, we will often compare our faults with other people who don’t struggle in the same ways. We end up feeling bad about ourselves for these failings. ADHD is not curable, but it is manageable through a combination of medication, cognitive behavioral therapy, ADHD coaching, and some personal disciplines. We can learn to become more organized and focused while working on our social skills and identifying the things that trigger our hyperactivity. Getting our diet, physical health, and sleep schedule in order will also greatly impact our ability to manage the undesirable symptoms of ADHD. Distressed Versus Adapted ADHD Behavior Whether we opt for medication, self-help, professional therapy, or a combination of these, we will find a sense of control and confidence in places that once left us feeling frustrated and defeated. Sometimes it is encouragement enough to know what we look like under pressure as opposed to what our behavior could look like when we have gained control of things. This is a comparison of distressed ADHD behavior versus adapted ADHD behavior. Distressed: Sensitive to Rejection, [...]

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8 Types of Loneliness and How to Navigate Them

8 Types of Loneliness and How to Navigate Them

Noah Cordrey, Kate Motaung2025-07-02T09:16:09+00:00July 3rd, 2025|Abandonment and Neglect, Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Pornography Addiction, Relationship Issues|

Loneliness is an emotional experience characterized often by sadness, desire, longing, and the belief that says, “I am alone in this world.” In many ways, this can be a devastating experience for the heart and mind. Universally, it is true that we were made for connection to ourselves, God, and others. However, despite living in one of the most connected ages where most people are only a phone call or text message away, this is also one of the loneliest and most isolating times. How can this be? If we desperately want to be connected relationally, then why does it sometimes feel so hard to achieve? Loneliness, as an emotional experience, carries nuance. There are different types of loneliness that we can experience throughout our lifetime. Being aware of some of these nuances is a first step in taking action toward being more connected. Today, we will look at eight varieties of loneliness and some ways to practically combat them. Eight Types of Loneliness Emotional Loneliness “I have people around me, but no one truly sees me.” This is a type of loneliness that often leaves you feeling invisible to others, as if when they look in your direction, they see right through you. Along with this type of loneliness comes feelings of deep-rooted bitterness, anger, and resentment at being ignored, overlooked, or unseen. To navigate this type of loneliness, practicing vulnerability will be an essential part of regaining a sense of emotional connection. People who have experienced emotional loneliness often present themselves as independent, capable, and high-achieving. They have gone far in their marriage, career, or relationships by being self-reliant. Unfortunately, when a person is self-reliant for so long, they may forget how to let others in. Additionally, a lot of emotional loneliness comes from consistently being there [...]

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Dealing with Anxiety and Anger: The Unbearable Weight of Fear and Loathing

Dealing with Anxiety and Anger: The Unbearable Weight of Fear and Loathing

Haley Jansen, Kate Motaung2025-06-25T05:06:37+00:00June 25th, 2025|Anger Issues, Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

If there are any two emotions that we’ve all felt at some point in our lives, it’s probably anxiety and anger. Whether it’s about your family, school, work, or related to the things you believe in or care deeply about, we’ve all felt one or both of these emotions in a given moment. While at face value it might seem as though they have little to do with each other, there are a lot of connections between these two emotions. Being angry, anxious, or both can be a heavy burden. The things that typically lead us to experience these emotions generally aren’t things we would choose for ourselves. Additionally, being angry or anxious takes a toll on our mental, emotional, relational, and physical well-being. Chronic anger or anxiety can impair your ability to function well day-to-day, making it all the more important to know how to deal with them effectively. What Anger and Anxiety Do to Your Body One thing that you’ll notice almost immediately about both anger and anxiety is that they seem to affect your body in the same way. When something angers you or makes you feel anxious, it can trigger your body’s fight-or-flight response. The physical symptoms that result from releasing stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol prepare your body to deal with the situation, whether by fleeing from it or standing your ground to fight it. When these powerful hormones are released into your bloodstream, you may experience an increased heart rate, higher blood pressure, a tight chest, muscle tension, a rush of heat, headaches, or gastrointestinal issues. Even though anger and anxiety are distinct emotions, they tend to trigger a similar physiological response. These emotions are also often triggered by the same things, and they both have an impact on one’s well-being, especially [...]

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The Silent Grief of Pregnancy Loss

The Silent Grief of Pregnancy Loss

Miranda Otsuka, Kate Motaung2025-06-18T07:14:11+00:00June 18th, 2025|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling, Women’s Issues|

Pregnancy loss is the most common reason for losing a baby during pregnancy. It occurs in up to one in every four pregnancies. If it happens before 20 weeks of gestation, it is typically referred to as a miscarriage, or spontaneous abortion, whereas babies who die 20 weeks or more into the pregnancy are considered stillbirths. There is a unique pain that comes from preparing a place in your heart for a child that never comes – David Platt. A Grief Often Minimized and Misunderstood Most pregnancy losses happen during the first trimester. Because of this risk, many couples choose not to announce their pregnancy until after the first trimester, and as a result, if they do lose their baby during this time, they wind up mourning their loss in private without anyone else being aware of it, and their grief remains silent and unspoken. Even loved ones who may know about it don’t usually recognize the depth of their pain. Pregnancy loss tends to be minimized, misunderstood, and considered less significant than the death of a live person by our culture. Because it is a loss that is not visible to others or does not fit the norm, it is often not openly acknowledged, publicly mourned, or supported. Whereas losing a child, for instance, is commonly acknowledged as one of the most heart-wrenching experiences imaginable, pregnancy loss is more likely to be reacted to with an indifferent shrug, leading you to feel shame and inadequacy along with your anguish. There are no established rituals for mourning pregnancy loss, no traditional observances or other supports that typically accompany loss, no funeral, memorial service, or grave to visit, all of which make it especially hard to process and work through your grief. What Makes Pregnancy Loss Unique One of the [...]

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Relationship Advice for Men: Strengthening Your Marriage Against Infidelity

Relationship Advice for Men: Strengthening Your Marriage Against Infidelity

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2025-06-11T06:05:46+00:00June 11th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Relationship Issues|

Relationships are a key part of our lives. Having people to love and people who love us is one of the main things that indicate our well-being. That’s because relationships are fundamental to who we are as social and relational beings. When our relationships are healthy, it’s more likely that we feel a sense of well-being than when everything else is in order and our relationships are in disarray. This makes it imperative to nurture our relationships. When your relationships are healthy and you have people with whom to share life, it can amplify various life experiences such as accomplishing something significant, enjoying yourself, laughing, having a great meal, or having a sense of meaning and purpose. When you feel deeply connected to others, you’ll likely carry a sense of meaning and that life has a purpose. Marriage is among the most intimate of human relationships. You share your life, thoughts, hopes, dreams, ambitions, fears, body, finances, home, and children with the person you call “spouse”. Sharing your life with another person is an amazing journey that can also be fraught with perils. Infidelity is one of the ways a marriage can come under threat. Understanding what infidelity is and how to guard against it is vital. Breaking Down Infidelity If you were to ask a group of ten guys how they would define infidelity, it’s possible you’d get at least 5 different answers to that question. In our society, people have drawn personal boundaries in diverse places, and how one man understands certain practices won’t be the same as another man’s understanding. One man might not think watching pornography is problematic, while another does, for example. In one sense, defining infidelity will be a matter of what personal boundaries one has. This makes it vital that you and your [...]

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The Presence of Self-Contempt in Your Story

The Presence of Self-Contempt in Your Story

Noah Cordrey, Kate Motaung2025-05-31T09:28:47+00:00June 2nd, 2025|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Pornography Addiction, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Addiction, Trauma|

In a previous article on shame and self-contempt, I provided a broad definition of self-contempt and gave a brief description of what it is and how it functions. If you haven’t given that article a read, I’d recommend it as I will be building on some already-established ideas about the reality of self-contempt. The goal is to narrow the focus and move our attention more specifically to self-contempt and how it shows up in the story of your life. As we explore this topic, I hope that you, the reader, will be more equipped to identify the presence of self-contempt in your own story without judgment. I hope that your curiosity will be stirred as you begin to consider questions such as, “How did I come to feel this way about myself?” “Why do I treat my body or my heart this way?” “What has shaped my beliefs about myself?” or “Is this how God views me?” In my interactions with clients and through my healing journey, I have found that self-contempt frequently resides in the subconscious realm of our awareness. This realm of our awareness is easily accessible. More often than not, things that reside in this area come to the surface without us being fully cognizant of them. This is to say that much of our self-contempt and what we believe about ourselves reside in a place that is accessible, just outside of our conscious awareness. Self-Contempt Defined In my previous article, I gave a somewhat wordy definition of self-contempt: “Self-contempt is to have contempt (the feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn) or loathing for oneself and one’s actions. In other words, it is to have the feeling or belief that you, or a part of you, is worthless, [...]

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Fun Date Night Ideas in Seattle (With Affordable Options)

Fun Date Night Ideas in Seattle (With Affordable Options)

Haley Jansen, Kate Motaung2025-05-28T07:17:16+00:00May 28th, 2025|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Do you remember when you first fell in love with your spouse? Maybe the two of you talked until late hours into the night, planned dinner dates, or took quiet walks. Unfortunately, at some point after marriage, we can begin to stop dating our spouse. Work, home, family, aging parents, and other responsibilities quickly crowd in, and dating becomes something that you used to do in the past. Yet, when we don’t prioritize our relationships, distance can grow, eventually opening the door to grow apart. If you are looking to strengthen your marriage, here are a few fun date night ideas in Seattle, Washington you can try. Why It’s Important to Date Your Spouse God created marriage as a mirror to reflect His relationship with us. Take your spiritual connection to God as an example. Do you obey and follow His commands because you love Him and know that He loves you? You read His Word to keep what He has to say in the forefront of your mind. The relationship we have with our spouse works similarly. Date nights are a chance to prioritize the relationship between husband and wife. You strengthen the bond and get to know each other better. Even couples who have been married for fifty years may not know everything about each other as people’s interests and goals change with time. Fun Date Night Ideas in Seattle, Washington Date night doesn’t have to be boring or a source of stress. If you are picturing two people eating at a fancy restaurant once a year, trying to figure out what to say to one another, then you may not be dating your spouse often enough. Once a year is perfectly fine to celebrate an anniversary, but you need more quality time with your spouse to [...]

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