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4 Ways to Forgive Others

4 Ways to Forgive Others

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2025-12-02T08:44:11+00:00December 2nd, 2025|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

Forgiveness is a biblical mandate. However, people don’t always understand that forgiveness is easier said than done. It’s silly to believe that it is simple for someone to forgive a person who has committed a heinous crime against them, such as sexual assault or molestation. Yet, forgiveness not only sets the victim free, but it also sets the offender free. Forgiveness is the key to emotional and spiritual freedom. But how does a person do that? Forgiveness can take time Forgiveness is a process. Jesus tells His disciples they should forgive others seventy times seven. This indicates that they may have to forgive others more than once. Lisa Teurkeurst, in her book Forgiving What You Can’t Forget, identifies forgiveness as a process. She validates the reader’s feelings and understands that the feelings associated with the offense are not easily eradicated. In the book, she gives a practical strategy she learned from her own counselor. This counselor told her to say the following statement: “I choose to forgive__________ for ___________ and what my feelings can’t catch up to, I pray the blood of Christ will cover.” Participating in this process of forgiveness will help people, both those who are struggling to forgive as well as the offender. We need to understand that forgiveness takes time. As a society, people often struggle to grieve or deal with loss well. They may skip grief completely and stuff their feelings in the hopes that somehow those feelings will go away on their own. However, deep emotions like sadness, anger, resentment, and others are eventually unearthed elsewhere. It just depends on the situation and the person. Understanding forgiveness and considering the nature of the offense will help to initiate forgiveness. By participating in the above exercise, some will be able to move toward wholeness [...]

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The Importance of Measuring Your Level of Death Anxiety

The Importance of Measuring Your Level of Death Anxiety

Grace Mavindidze2025-12-02T07:58:29+00:00November 29th, 2025|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Everyone’s a little bit wary of the Grim Reaper, and it’s quite natural to have some level of concern about dying. But the moment such thoughts start to take over normal daily functioning, it becomes a sign of a serious problem, like death anxiety. It is not normal to be thinking about dying all the time to the extent that it disrupts your daily activities like working or hanging out with others; this only reduces your quality of life. Death anxiety is also known as death phobia or the more technical term, thanatophobia; a strong and excessive fear or irrational awareness regarding one’s death, the dying process, the afterlife, and even events that surround the death of loved ones. Do you know that methods are now available where you can measure how unhealthy your fears of death are? Knowing your level of death anxiety, or that of a loved one, is an important preparatory stage for addressing and managing such crippling fears, and whether you need any help. One widely used method is called the Death Anxiety Scale, or DAS. How the Death Anxiety Scale works This approach was originally developed in the 1970s by American psychologist Donald Templer, and it has since proved to be a valuable tool in clinical and research applications. DAS, in brief, is a collection of 15 statements measuring different facets of anxiety related to dying, such as anxiety about the unknown, anxiety about the dying process, and anxiety about separation from those you love. The statements below are some examples: I am terrified to die The thought of death frequently enters my mind It makes me nervous when I hear people talking about death I am afraid to be operated on I am terrified of getting cancer The thought of death frequently worries me [...]

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Coming to Grips with ADHD Anger

Coming to Grips with ADHD Anger

Jane Zerabruk, Kate Motaung2025-11-22T07:33:44+00:00November 24th, 2025|ADHD/ADD, Anger Issues, Christian Counseling for Children, Christian Counseling For Teens, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Whether you have ADHD or know someone who does, you might have experienced ADHD anger. As with most people who deal with angry outbursts, there is usually something behind and beneath the emotions. Understanding what lies beneath the anger is helpful because it gives us an idea of how to cope with anger. However, unlike neurotypical people, there are unique issues behind ADHD anger. It might take some time to discover what is triggering this anger and how to cope with it, but it is perfectly possible to cope with ADHD anger and avoid some of its more damaging effects. The Dopamine Dilemma All neurodiverse people have problems regulating their emotions; it is a part of the terrain of having a different nervous system. For those with ADHD, it is because their nervous system has lower-than-average levels of dopamine. Dopamine is a complex hormone that affects our feelings of pleasure and satisfaction, movement and motor control, and physical functions like sleep, digestion, and heart rate. Most importantly, it has a role in our cognitive functions, like memory, focus, and learning. Without this hormone, we are more likely to feel frustrated, under- or over-stimulated, easily distracted, and emotionally dysregulated. While we naturally have lower levels of dopamine than neurotypical people, we have the additional problem of having too many dopamine transporters. This means that the small amounts of dopamine in our system travel to the brain too quickly to be of any lasting use because of the abundance of transporters. Therefore, we don’t have enough dopamine in our system to have any meaningful effect. The small amounts produced are sent to the brain and used up far too quickly. This results in those with ADHD getting “stuck” repetitively doing activities that provide little hits of dopamine, such as binge eating, [...]

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Strategies for Diffusing Bipolar Rage

Strategies for Diffusing Bipolar Rage

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2025-10-17T06:18:03+00:00October 17th, 2025|Anger Issues, Bipolar Disorder, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Bipolar disorder, formerly known as manic depression, is a mood disorder that affects how you feel and react to your environment, as well as how you relate to others. It is characterized by dramatic mood swings between manic highs and depressive lows. These mood swings can disrupt your life, the life of your loved ones, and make you feel as though you are living on an emotional rollercoaster over which you have no control. What are bipolar cycles? During the manic cycle of bipolar disorder, your confidence tends to soar, and you may have an exaggerated sense of well-being. Your thoughts race, you feel wired, your energy level may be so high you can’t stop moving or doing, and you don’t get much sleep. Lack of sleep can, in turn, impair your judgment and lead you to make unwise decisions such as going on a buying spree or making foolish investments. At first, you may enjoy the feelings of euphoria and the ability to be more productive this cycle brings, but it will end with an emotional crash when the pendulum swings to the depressive side, and your highs are turned into lows. During the depressive cycle, you are likely to withdraw and to feel lethargic, hopeless, sad, worthless, apathetic, and disinterested in activities you normally enjoy. You may also feel fatigued, have trouble sleeping or sleep too much, find it difficult to think straight, and even contemplate suicide. What is bipolar rage? Although anger isn’t a symptom of bipolar disorder per se, irritability is. People with bipolar disorder seem to be more vulnerable to extreme responses, such as impulsive, irrational outbursts, than are people who don’t have the disorder. Bipolar rage is impetuous, intense, erratic, and volatile. Little things, like being asked a simple question, may make you [...]

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The Necessity of Mind-Body Connection

The Necessity of Mind-Body Connection

Noah Cordrey, Kate Motaung2025-09-25T07:23:02+00:00September 25th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Personal Development|

You are not a floating head When people enter counseling for the first time, there are often unspoken expectations about how the process will unfold. We’re going to talk about our feelings that confuse us, memories that you want to forget but can’t quite get past, or maybe even address some maladaptive patterns of thinking. But what about building an understanding or connection to your own body? Has this ever been one of your motivations or goals for seeking out counseling in the first place? In the Western world, we have taken up an ancient notion that our minds are separate from the rest of us. Our minds have, in many instances, become the center of our being. We become floating heads walking around with a bunch of dead weight below our shoulders. The only issue is that you are not a floating head. None of us is. Dr. Dan Siegel, in his book titled The Developing Mind, puts forth this definition of the mind: “The system of the mind, the flow of energy and information, is not limited by skull or skin. This system of mind happens within the whole body and in our relationships – it is within and between, embodied and relational. The mind is an embodied and relational process that regulates the flow of energy and information.” The Mind in Process What Dr. Siegel is getting at here is that while we may be operating under the assumption that our mind is stuck in between our ears, the reality is that our mind is a process. It is something that is formed in and through relationships, and it regulates the flow of information. This information comes from external stimuli, our own consciousness, our subjective experience, and our internal process of self-organization. These four facets of [...]

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Understanding the Three ADHD Subtypes

Understanding the Three ADHD Subtypes

Miranda Otsuka, Kate Motaung2025-09-26T12:22:35+00:00September 15th, 2025|ADHD/ADD, Christian Counseling for Children, Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Most people mistakenly believe that having Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) means that you will be restless, energetic, and generally find it hard to focus. While these are some characteristics of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder in general, the truth is that there are three subtypes of ADHD, each with unique characteristics and challenges. When a person has no understanding of these subtypes, they might believe their diagnosis was a mistake because they don’t experience the same things as another person with ADHD. Understanding the different subtypes will help you understand yourself, your weaknesses, and which areas to focus on as you manage Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Keep in mind that there is a great amount of complexity with ADHD, and one person’s experience cannot be more or less accurate than another’s experience. ADHD-H (Hyperactive-Impulsive ADHD) When someone mentions Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, this is usually the type that comes to mind for most people. Those with ADHD-H often get diagnosed in childhood, where they tend to be disruptive in school, struggling to sit still and pay attention. Besides physical hyperactivity, people with Type 1 ADHD also experience “noisy” thoughts sometimes to the point of being overstimulated and overwhelmed by their busy minds. Adults with ADHD-H mostly experience the second type of hyperactivity, with disorganized thoughts and busy brains that struggle to calm down. In childhood, ADHD-H is more prevalent among boys, but it is not uncommon in girls. Children with ADHD-H are talkative, creative, and tend to squirm and move around a lot when they are expected to be still and quiet. Many children make impulsive decisions, but those with ADHD-H frequently get into trouble because of their impulsivity and poor decision-making. The results of ADHD-H might significantly impact a child’s schooling experience. Adults with ADHD-H often feel restless [...]

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Narrative Therapy and Narrative Focused Trauma Care 101

Narrative Therapy and Narrative Focused Trauma Care 101

Noah Cordrey, Kate Motaung2025-08-26T07:46:14+00:00August 26th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

What are the stories that have significantly shaped your life? When we think about our lives and how we’ve gotten to where we are today, I am willing to bet that, upon reflection, you would share stories of important or momentous events to explain how you’ve gotten to where you are. Narrative Therapy This is the essence of the therapeutic approach called Narrative Therapy. The important, tragic, significant, and painful events in our lives are not isolated. Rather, they are connected, intertwined, and most importantly, they form the story that is your life. Do you believe that you have a story to tell? In every story, there are characters, side characters, and a plotline. Each character plays a role in the story. Each character has a specific purpose, and each leaves an impact, whether implicitly or explicitly. In the plotline of each story, it is often the implicit impact that does the most damage due to the initial invisibility of its mark. The invisibility of the marks themselves is commonly the thing we are left trying to make sense of in the aftermath of an event in our lives. How we interpret the events in the story itself is equally a product of the stories that shape us. In essence, we are not formed in isolation. How we think, how we act, and how we interpret certain feelings or things that happen to us are all informed by the stories we have. The purpose of Narrative Therapy is to help a person take in the full scope of their life. It is designed as a non-pathologizing approach that helps individuals separate themselves from the problems they face, to reframe how they think about his or her life to develop new perspectives. This therapeutic process understands a person’s life as [...]

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The Role of a Child Therapist: Counseling for Children

The Role of a Child Therapist: Counseling for Children

Jane Zerabruk, Kate Motaung2025-08-20T07:38:48+00:00August 20th, 2025|Christian Counseling for Children, Family Counseling, Featured|

For a parent, there can be no greater pain than seeing your child suffer. A child therapist is a person who is trained in counseling techniques and armed with a set of tools that can help a child in a way that engages their will and is understandable. What is important to note is that children suffer with the same struggles, desires, and hopes that we do as adults. They fall prey to the same lies that adults do and find their freedom in the same way Christian adults do – in our savior, the Lord Jesus. The role of a child therapist is similar to that of a counselor for adults; however, the approach and skills used may differ. For instance, when counseling young children, sometimes their communication skills are limited. Counselors have a toolbox to draw on to help elicit feelings and a sense of where the child is at. This might include play therapy. A child therapist trained in play therapy is able to use a combination of creative methods of play, together with talking, to help the child express themselves. They will likely have figurines that can be used for pretend play, soft toys that can be characterized, as well as an art box for creative expression using drawing, painting, and clay sculpting. What issues does a child therapist help with? Children experience mental health disorders like depression and anxiety as adults do, and these often derive from a negative childhood experience – divorce, a death in the family, abuse, or witnessing a traumatic event. In these circumstances, a responsible parent or caregiver should enable the child to see a child therapist. This will help the family ascertain how the trauma has impacted the child and ways to help them navigate a way through their [...]

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Does He Have a Fear of Commitment?

Does He Have a Fear of Commitment?

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2025-08-09T08:34:02+00:00August 11th, 2025|Couples Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues|

Commitment is the only way to make a relationship work in the long term. Yet, many people cannot seem to give themselves 100% to another person. They have a fear of commitment and being vulnerable. But what does the Bible say about commitment and marriage? How can we decipher if our significant other is the one? We can look for clues as to whether he has a fear of commitment. What is the fear of commitment? Commitment is defined as being dedicated to a cause or restricting behaviors and actions in an attempt to uphold that decision. (Oxford Languages Dictionary) For example, we have relationships, family, church, and work commitments. We dedicate ourselves to a particular person, company, place, obligation, or faith and stand by the commitment. Why does it seem like people have difficulty committing to relationships, and how do you know if your significant other harbors a fear of commitment? The reasons for the fear of commitment vary. It could stem from one’s childhood, modeling one’s parents’ tumultuous relationship as something he does not want for himself. He could have experienced heartbreak from a past relationship, which makes him wary of putting in the emotional work for a healthy relationship. He might not be emotionally mature enough for a serious relationship yet. If he jumps too quickly into an engagement or marriage with a fear of commitment, the chances of a breakup or divorce are greater. Marriage is a union modeled after our relationship with God. God asks us to be faithful to Him (loyalty to the One and Only God). He asks us to forsake all others and commit to Him and His purpose and calling for our lives. The relationship you have with your spouse should be the same. But if your husband still fears [...]

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Healthy and Effective Options to Address Teenage Problems

Healthy and Effective Options to Address Teenage Problems

Kate Motaung2025-10-30T13:23:07+00:00August 8th, 2025|Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Can you imagine what it would feel like to arrive on an alien planet, and to begin experiencing things you’d never even known existed? New sights, sensations, and tastes would be awakened. Consider how your body might feel in a different atmosphere with fewer or greater constraints than ours. The other question you’d face would be describing what you’re experiencing to yourself and others. Science fiction can help us imagine new worlds and understand ourselves better. In one sense, we don’t have to leave this planet to have strange experiences we struggle to understand or explain. Ask most teenagers, and you may find that experiencing the many changes that come with growing up can feel like a wild adventure to uncharted worlds. The good news is that while things seem new, different, and possibly terrifying for a teen experiencing all the changes that come with that, others have gone before them. There is guidance and support available to better understand these various changes and navigate them successfully. There are healthy and effective options available to address teenage problems that commonly crop up. The Challenge of the Teen Years What does it feel like to be a teen in the 21st Century? In many ways, teens today need to face things other generations never had to, so it’s new territory for the teens and their parents or caregivers. In other ways, teenage problems today are the same struggles that others have faced for generations; it’s just that the details and context change, but the human heart and our issues are much the same, with nothing new under the sun. The teen years can be challenging because they herald many different changes. Some of these changes include their bodies changing. For some kids, puberty starts earlier than their peers, which can [...]

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