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10 Facts About Trauma

10 Facts About Trauma

Haley Jansen, Kate Motaung2025-02-26T05:11:24+00:00February 26th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

In recent years, society and culture in the US have changed to the point that talking about mental health is seen as acceptable and important rather than taboo or embarrassing. For many, however, there remains some confusion surrounding trauma and how it affects people. The best way to avoid becoming dismissive or confused about trauma is to learn about it. The goal is to be sensitive and informed when we encounter trauma, either in ourselves, in professional spaces, or in intimate connections with friends and loved ones. Trauma Facts Trauma doesn’t affect everyone in the same way Two people can go through the same event and come away with completely different experiences. For example, a divorce might affect one child deeply while their sibling takes it in their stride and adapts to the change with relative ease. We tend to compare our experiences with others, especially those closest to us, so that we can frame or understand our perception of what happened. When it feels like we are the only ones to have experienced trauma from a certain event, we might feel confused. Sometimes we trivialize or dismiss our own experience. This is often how people become dismissive of trauma in general; they misunderstand their response to something that deeply affects them. It can take time for us to realize an event has caused trauma We sometimes come out on the other end of a struggle and continue with our lives only to find that months, years, and sometimes decades later, we can’t stop thinking about what happened. Even in sleep, we find ourselves reliving past events. PTSD and CPTSD happen after an event and affect us until we begin addressing it. Just because something didn’t directly impact us when it happened does not mean it wasn’t traumatic. Trauma [...]

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Signs of Social Anxiety and How to Navigate It

Signs of Social Anxiety and How to Navigate It

Miranda Otsuka, Kate Motaung2025-02-24T03:38:48+00:00February 24th, 2025|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Women’s Issues|

Some individuals are the life of the party, at ease in a social setting. They seem to relish telling stories that are engaging and keep the crowd enthralled. From the outside, it seems as though they interact with others effortlessly. However, for many people, it’s normal to feel a little nervous or awkward in social settings. It’s expected to feel at least some nervousness in social settings, such as if you’re about to get interviewed for a job or when you’re going on a date, at a party with people you don’t know, or when you’re giving an important speech or presentation. Each person’s comfort level in social situations will vary. It depends on factors such as their life experiences and personality traits. Some people are naturally reserved wallflowers, while others – the social butterflies – are more outgoing. While nervousness in social situations is normal and tends to pass quickly, some forms of social anxiety go beyond this. When a person has social anxiety disorder, which is also called social phobia, they experience more than feelings of shyness or discomfort. Rather, everyday interactions make them feel extremely self-conscious, causing significant anxiety and embarrassment. They are fearful of scrutiny or being judged negatively by others. The fear and anxiety that flows from social phobia leads to avoiding social situations. It can disrupt a person’s life and affect their relationships, daily routines, work, school, sports, or other social activities. What is social anxiety? Social anxiety is more than just feeling shy around people. It names a long-term and overwhelming fear of social situations that doesn’t go away. It affects a person’s everyday activities, self-confidence, relationships, and work or school life. While many people will have some nervousness about social situations, a person with social anxiety will feel overly worried before, [...]

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5 Tips for Working Through Anticipatory Grief

5 Tips for Working Through Anticipatory Grief

Miranda Otsuka, Kate Motaung2025-02-19T11:58:38+00:00February 19th, 2025|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling|

There’s something about waiting that’s hard. Perhaps it’s not knowing how things will turn out, or it’s the desire in us to work with something we know. It could also be that we want to simply move from the situation we’re in to someplace else. Life feels like it’s about movement, which makes staying still and waiting quite a hard task. The hard task of waiting is captured quite well in The Lord of The Rings. One of the main characters, Pippin, is in a city that’s on edge due to an imminent attack by the enemy’s force. Pippin says, “I don’t want to be in a battle, but waiting on the edge of one I can’t escape is even worse.” That waiting can be harder than what is awaited. This is true in many areas of our lives. The hours before an important date, job interview, examination, or other important event can be nerve-wracking. It’s no different when we’re faced with something as unpleasant as the loss of a loved one. What Is Anticipatory Grief? When we think of grief, we typically think of it occurring after a loss has happened. For most people, they enter grief when they experience loss. The loss could be the death of a loved one, divorce or separation, the end of a treasured dream, or losing one’s home and community. However, grief doesn’t only set in after events have already unfolded. The emotions and thoughts associated with grief can be triggered and experienced before the loss has happened. The term “anticipatory grief” refers to the psychological and emotional response a person has to a loss that hasn’t yet happened, but that is in the process of occurring or is likely to occur. It’s grief that sets in even though circumstances haven’t yet [...]

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Symptoms of Caregiver Burnout and How to Prevent It

Symptoms of Caregiver Burnout and How to Prevent It

Haley Jansen, Kate Motaung2025-02-19T11:58:56+00:00January 30th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling|

How can you give your best if you aren’t at your best? As a primary caregiver, you are expected to monitor and provide for the essential needs and comfort of another person. While caring for a loved one can be a rewarding experience, it sometimes comes at a cost. The mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual cost of caring for another individual can leave you feeling overwhelmed and alone and bring on caregiver burnout. What is caregiver burnout? Caregiver burnout can happen when someone who is responsible for the care of another person falls into a state of mental, physical, emotional, or spiritual exhaustion. This can even occur when someone is caring for themselves while dealing with a long-term illness, disability, or age-related issues. It is often a result of prolonged stress, overwhelming levels of responsibility, or a lack of support. Caregiver burnout can have serious consequences for both the caregiver and the person who is receiving the care. Symptoms of Caregiver Burnout The symptoms of caregiver burnout manifest differently in everyone. Here are some common symptoms that might indicate that someone is experiencing burnout: Physical Symptoms Caretaking puts a physical toll on the body. Many caretakers are required to perform very physical activities to assist the person in need of care. This could include lifting or assisting the person in physical activities, running errands, standing for extended periods of time, and bending or reaching in various positions. This can lead to muscle aches and tension along with physical fatigue. Likewise, the caregiver may feel exhausted or fatigued all the time. There could be changes in weight or appetite as well. Frequent headaches and body aches might also be present and serve as warning signs of burnout. Emotional Symptoms Feelings of sadness, grief (sometimes referred to as pre-grief), irritability, hopelessness, [...]

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Signs of Autism in Adults: Understanding the Symptoms

Signs of Autism in Adults: Understanding the Symptoms

Miranda Otsuka, Kate Motaung2025-01-24T09:19:31+00:00January 16th, 2025|Autism spectrum disorder, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Autism, also known as autism spectrum disorder (ASD), is a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects the way the brain processes information and influences the way you interact with others. Symptoms can range from mild to severe and manifest in different ways in different people, which is why it is referred to as a spectrum disorder. Most people are diagnosed in childhood, but some are not diagnosed until adulthood. Those who reach adulthood without a diagnosis are most likely living with high-functioning autism and may be unaware that the way they process things is different from the way other people do. Their symptoms may have been subtle enough to be missed as a child, misdiagnosed, or they may have since learned how to mask them. The greatest discomfort for autistic people can be the social one. For me, I was confused by the way people behaved. – Chris Packham, CBE and National Autistic Society Ambassador Currently, there is no standard method of diagnosing autism in adults, but to meet the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Illness (DSM-5) official criteria, you need to exhibit a least three of the key challenges listed under the domains of social and communication difficulties, repetitive behaviors, restricted interests, and rigidity. Key Signs of Autism In Adults Social and communication difficulties Social anxiety. Difficulty empathizing with other people’s feelings or seeing things from a different point of view. Difficulty making friends. Prefer doing things alone. Difficulty describing your feelings. Invent your own descriptive words and phrases. Difficulty understanding social rules such as not talking over people. Difficulty understanding appropriate behavior such as being quiet in a library. Unable to interpret nonverbal messages such as shoulder shrugging, eye-rolling, facial expressions, or body language. Take things literally and are unable to understand metaphors or figures of speech. [...]

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Ways to Reduce Anxiety in Teenagers

Ways to Reduce Anxiety in Teenagers

Haley Jansen, Kate Motaung2025-01-16T13:40:59+00:00January 8th, 2025|Anxiety, Christian Counseling For Teens, Featured, Individual Counseling|

If you’re older, do you remember what it was like when you were young? There were things you were still learning and trying to figure out, and the world may have felt like a large, daunting place. Depending on your temperament and personality, this newness of the world and unexplored horizons may have been exciting to you, or it may have felt frightening and anxiety-inducing. Anxiety in Teenagers It comes as no surprise to us that teenagers experience anxiety. It’s important to note that some teenagers may experience mild anxiety, while others may experience severe anxiety that’s debilitating. This anxiety may be different from what they experienced when they were younger. It is sometimes a new development as they enter adolescence. People’s vulnerabilities and worries differ at each stage of their development. That’s why teenage anxiety often looks different from childhood anxiety, even though an anxious teenager may have struggled with anxiety for years by the time they reach adolescence. Younger children’s anxieties tend to focus on external things, while a teenager’s anxiety will focus more on themselves as the object. For example, a younger child may be afraid of the dark or of monsters under the bed. They may develop a fear of bees or spiders or get anxious at the idea of something happening to their parents. However, a teenager’s anxiety will often focus on the changes happening in their body, how others perceive them, and how they perform in school and extracurricular activities. Whether a child has struggled with anxiety before or not, as more is expected of them in middle and high school, anxiety can surface. As they develop an awareness and focus on their peers, anxiety can then become more severe such as social anxiety and panic attacks. While a certain amount of anxiety [...]

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Homeschooling a Child with ADHD

Homeschooling a Child with ADHD

Jane Zerabruk, Kate Motaung2025-01-16T13:40:26+00:00January 8th, 2025|ADHD/ADD, Christian Counseling for Children, Family Counseling, Featured|

Many hopeful young parents dream of the bright future they can build for their child through home schooling. It’s easy to picture the idyllic scene of your children learning math facts around the kitchen table. You may dream of reading books together in a cozy chair and the joy of watching your child discover new things. But sometimes that dream gets derailed when you throw ADHD (Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) into the mix. While it might feel like a wild ride some days, it’s also an opportunity to create a learning environment that is uniquely tailored and built around your child’s unique needs and interests. Home schooling a child with ADHD can make more sense than putting them in a more traditional classroom model. You might feel overwhelmed by the unique challenges of ADHD. But consider this: although you may not be specially trained as an educator, you’ve had years of experience being your child’s parent. A traditional school may not be the right fit for your child. At home, you can build a schedule that includes breaks when your child needs to move around. You can also incorporate hands-on activities that keep them engaged and give them one-on-one attention that might not be practical or possible in a larger classroom. When your child starts zoning out, in a home schooling environment, you can switch gears (and no permission slip or special accommodations are needed). The possible benefits of home schooling your child with ADHD are endless, but that’s probably not what you’re here to learn. If you’re here, you’re likely worried about jumping into home schooling or perhaps already struggling with home schooling a child with ADHD. However, it can be done and your child can thrive. Here are some tips that might help make the process less frustrating [...]

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Food for Anxiety: What’s Eating You? (And What You Should Eat!)

Food for Anxiety: What’s Eating You? (And What You Should Eat!)

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2024-12-16T03:21:56+00:00December 16th, 2024|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Anxiety is real and it’s no respecter of persons. It’s that gnawing little pest that sneaks up on you when you least expect it, like a toddler with a permanent marker near your freshly painted walls. Anxiety may be real and frustrating and even life-altering, but it doesn’t get the final say over your life! There are many strategies you can implement to help attack the anxiety that plagues you, but one that is often overlooked is also one of the simplest to put into action: your dinner plate. In this article, we’ll look at healthy food for anxiety and how it can help. What is anxiety, anyway? Anxiety can make your thoughts race, your heart pound, and try to convince you that the worst-case scenario about why your boss called a meeting is true. Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) can make this a daily reality, affecting everything from your sleep to your relationships. The world tells us to medicate or meditate – both of which can help – but did you know that there’s a divine design to what we eat and how it affects how we feel? Let’s dive in! (And don’t worry, there’s dark chocolate ahead!) Food for Anxiety Before you roll your eyes and think, “Great! More Stuff I can’t eat,” let me assure you – this isn’t a conversation about diet restrictions. This is about freedom! Yes, freedom! Galatians 5:1 says, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” Freedom from the worry that stalks your brain at 3 AM. Freedom from anxiety that makes you want to wear your blanket like a cape all day. And believe it or not, part of that freedom might just come from your grocery cart. So, what food for anxiety should you eat when it feels [...]

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Left Behind: 8 Signs of Abandonment Issues in Relationships

Left Behind: 8 Signs of Abandonment Issues in Relationships

Noah Cordrey, Kate Motaung2024-12-11T05:53:27+00:00December 11th, 2024|Abandonment and Neglect, Christian Counseling For Teens, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

“Because separation is a clearcut and undeniable event, its effects on the child and the parent-child relationship were easier to document than more subtle influences of parental and familial interaction.” – Inge Bretherton reporting on John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth’s work with Attachment Theory As the quote above suggests, to experience abandonment implies a separation, specifically in the parent-child relationship, that is clear-cut and undeniable. To be abandoned leaves a specific kind of mark on the soul which points to a particular, distinguishable moment. More simply, if you have experienced abandonment, you will know it. To discuss the reality of being or feeling abandoned is to also talk about one’s attachment style – or style of relating – which has been first and foremost influenced by our relationships with our parents. Abandonment issues have everything to do with how we attach or don’t attach, relationally to others. In this article, we will look at eight signs or symptoms that point to underlying abandonment issues in relationships. 1. An Internal Struggle with Fear Insecurity Regarding Relationships In the realm of attachment, a child is looking to their parents to be seen, safe, soothed, and secure. At a fundamental level, the child is unable to provide these things for him/herself and must rely on their mother or father for such care. However, if the child’s parent or caregiver is unable to provide these things, this creates a state of internal panic for the child. The child learns that their caregiver is ultimately unreliable, and he/she must make a decision: “I will separate myself from my caregiver and get my needs met elsewhere”, or “I will adjust myself to mom or dad and care for their needs, in the hopes that once they’re ok I can then get my needs met.” From [...]

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Rewriting History: Overcoming Depression’s Legacy in a Family

Rewriting History: Overcoming Depression’s Legacy in a Family

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2024-12-07T04:38:50+00:00December 9th, 2024|Depression, Featured, Individual Counseling|

We can see the fingerprints of our Father’s grace in the pages of scripture. God’s family story begins in Genesis when He formed Adam from earth’s dust and continues to the end of Revelations. God continues to extend righteousness and truth in our world today, just as He did with the families noted in Scripture. The enemy also seeks to work through the generations (Psalm 100:5) through cycles of sin and dysfunction. He causes us to repeat the patterns of those who preceded us to destroy the destiny of those who come after. Deconstructing Devastation When we consider his evil intentions, we must recognize that some of the trauma imposed in our lives was designed to destroy us and the families we love. Each family’s trauma history will vary, but the unresolved pain that results in depression and other mental health challenges universally disrupts our lives. We can plug in our own family’s unique variables and still find a common element; every family in humanity encounters suffering at some point. The odds we thought we’d beaten appear again, and hopelessness hits close to home. Despite the war waged against our bloodlines, our faith cuts its teeth in darkness and despair. It locks its jaw, sinking a bite into the promises of God. When grounded in the Word, faith refuses to cut our families off from God’s goodness, despite every ominous threat. We may feel like abandoning ship, but God has anchored a hope within that keeps us and those connected to us from detaching from His purpose (Hebrews 6:19). Inevitably, storms will rage and impact us differently, but God remains steady, enabling us to weather impassible waters with Him. It’s bewildering how quickly trouble can spiral in our lives. It’s often in hindsight that we see God’s plan working together. [...]

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