Kate Motaung, Green Lake Christian Counseling

How to Talk About Intimacy Issues

How to Talk About Intimacy Issues

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:33:38+00:00March 22nd, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

One of the hardest things to talk about in a relationship is intimacy issues. You can be the best of friends with your spouse, be open about everything else, and feel that you have no secrets. And yet, in the bedroom, people shut down. It becomes almost impossible to talk about what is going on. Even if there is mutual respect and a desire for both partners to find sex enjoyable, intimacy issues silence even the most attentive of partners. Is it because sex is just so intimate? It involves the core of who people are. It is not just an act of reproduction. If it were, why would there be so many nerve endings and emotions and heightened senses involved? God could have left the joy and fun out of sex, but He didn’t. Before the fall, man and woman were naked and unashamed, and that may well have included sex. Our country does not talk about sex. We treat it like a bad thing to be left in the bedroom. The church does not teach young people about their bodies, or how to approach intimacy openly. Premarital counseling often does not get into intimacy and how to figure out what makes both people tick. Men are left to porn to answer their questions. Women live in a culture rife with messaging that their needs don’t matter, sex is not about them, and their bodies are somehow bad things. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. – Genesis 2:24 God created sex to be the union of two people. The human body reacts and functions the way it does because God made it that way. He made the woman’s form to take time, [...]

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Help for When You are Overwhelmed by Feeling Insecure

Help for When You are Overwhelmed by Feeling Insecure

Kate Motaung2024-11-27T12:47:24+00:00March 8th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Professional Development, Relationship Issues|

Everyone feels insecure now and again. It could happen before a big event or a presentation at work, starting a new job, or entering a room full of strangers. We can feel insecure after we make a mistake. We might not feel assured in raising our children, interacting with our partners, or in our vocation. For some of us, feeling insecure is how we feel most of the time. Insecure feelings may permeate much of our daily activities and relationships. At times, we might even feel like we never fit into any situation or like we have “imposter” stamped on our foreheads. We see how everyone else does things better, faster, and smarter. We never believe that what we do, or who we are, is enough. We spend our days rebuking our decisions, questioning if we have done enough, and feeling like the least qualified person in every room. We might feel afraid to put ourselves out there in relationships because the amount of insecurity we experience inhibits us from taking risks or being vulnerable. Feeling insecure and anxious Insecurity is something we can feel in big or small ways. It can be related to how we see ourselves, how we experience our relationships, and how we show up in the working or productive parts of our lives. It can force us to pull back from relationships, say no to opportunities we would love to accept, and live in regret. Feeling insecure makes us retreat further into ourselves, where we often don’t like what we find there either. Constantly feeling insecure can lead to anxiety. We scan the horizon, cultivate the worst case in our heads, and wait for the other shoe to drop. When we feel insecure about who we are and our choices, we often feel anxious [...]

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The Impact of Childhood Emotional Neglect On Adult Relationships

The Impact of Childhood Emotional Neglect On Adult Relationships

Kate Motaung2024-11-27T12:47:42+00:00February 27th, 2024|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

When you’re a child, you’re at your most vulnerable. You depend on the people around you to meet your needs, including your need for food, shelter, attention, and nurture. Children cannot provide for these themselves. Having caregivers who are attentive to your needs and capable of meeting them is essential. Whether or not we flourish in life greatly depends on how much and how well our needs were met or whether we've suffered emotional neglect. Unfortunately, one of the harsh realities of living in a broken world is that one’s needs aren’t always met for various reasons. Many parents are well-intentioned but without the means or the knowledge for how to best meet children’s needs, they can go unmet. Even more harmful is when one sees a need and deliberately decides not to meet it. In either case, whether intentionally or not, childhood emotional neglect is a reality many children face. What is childhood emotional neglect? Childhood emotional neglect is when a parent or caregiver doesn’t respond adequately to a child’s emotional needs. Emotional neglect can be intentional, but it may also be the result of a parent overlooking this one area of a child’s needs. For instance, a parent or caregiver may fulfill a child’s need for food, shelter, education, and medical treatment, but fail to pay attention to the child’s expressed concerns. Mishandling this one area of a child’s needs is neglectful, even though it may be entirely unintentional. It may be helpful to provide an example of childhood emotional neglect. A child may express the fact that they are sad or anxious about going to school, and the parent responds by brushing them off or ignoring the concerns the child expressed. A parent may be thinking that the child isn’t serious, or the situation isn’t serious [...]

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Postpartum Depression: What It Is and How to Treat It

Postpartum Depression: What It Is and How to Treat It

Kate Motaung2024-11-27T12:47:53+00:00February 22nd, 2024|Depression, Featured, Individual Counseling, Women’s Issues|

Postpartum depression (PPD) is a disorder that women develop after giving birth. The symptoms can include feeling sad, anxious, and exhausted, making it difficult for the mother to take care of herself and her child. PPD can emerge right after birth but commonly emerges one to three weeks after delivery. Often, women who experience PPD have never experienced another form of depression. A lack of understanding and experience with PPD can be a barrier to seeking help. Because of this, many new moms feel that these symptoms are their fault, or they are weak or inadequate moms. This is not true. While various factors influence the prevalence of post-partum depression, on average, 10-15% of women develop PPD. It is important for the mother, child, and the existing family that PPD be diagnosed and addressed. Caring for a newborn is difficult enough, and the symptoms of PPD cause the mother to struggle mentally and emotionally. This makes it difficult for her to care for herself and her child(ren). When a mother struggles this way, it affects the bonding process between mother and infant. Less-than-ideal bonding can then affect the overall development of the infant. Women often struggle with feelings of guilt and shame when struggling with post-partum depression due to an inability to be the mom they want to be. All of this can also impact the family unit. Women who suspect they might have post-partum depression should seek medical attention. Many women need medication to help them with the symptoms of PPD. Antidepressants can help alleviate the symptoms of depression. For people in faith communities, taking medication for depression can be “controversial.” It is essential to realize that treating mental health issues with medication is not much different than treating physical ailments with medication. It might be necessary to [...]

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Anger in the Bible: Help and Healing for Anger Issues

Anger in the Bible: Help and Healing for Anger Issues

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:33:50+00:00February 6th, 2024|Anger Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling|

If we ask the question, “What does the Bible say about anger?” we might first be thinking about anger as a negative thing, and in many cases, it is. It doesn’t take much to think of an example of sinful anger. But it might be helpful to think of anger as simply one of a range of human emotions. It can be healthy or unhealthy, righteous or sinful, but it can also be redeemed and used by God for good. Human emotions are no stranger to God. He created our capacity to experience them, and Jesus experienced emotions when he walked the earth, including grief (John 11:35), joy (John 15:11), and anger (John 2:15-16). As he was perfect in every way, we can be confident that emotions, including anger, are part of being human and are not automatically wrong. Emotions themselves are neutral. Our thoughts and actions, how we respond to those emotions, determine whether we will act out our feelings in a godly or ungodly manner. We’ve all witnessed the destructive force of sinful anger, whether in our own lives or that of others. To take it a step further, we can all acknowledge that sinful anger is one of the greatest forces of destruction in the world. Along with power, it’s a deadly and evil thing that can be used to harm, abuse, and destroy people, relationships, and even entire countries. But anger starts in the same place every other human emotion springs from; the heart. So, to get to the root of destructive anger, we must start with the heart. Addressing anger issues, whether in a child or an adult, as soon as possible can allow us to get to the root quickly and begin to find another path that doesn’t cause destruction. If you’re interested in [...]

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Sneaky Self-Destructive Habits to Eliminate from Your Life

Sneaky Self-Destructive Habits to Eliminate from Your Life

Angela Yoon, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:31:39+00:00January 30th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Professional Development, Spiritual Development|

We all have things we do in our life that don’t serve us well. Sometimes they are big, obvious things and other times they are seemingly insignificant. Even the things that seem small and insignificant can have a major impact on your well-being. Whether they are big or small, self-destructive habits can wreak havoc. For many people, these habits will seem benign, and we wonder if they make that much of a difference. In reality, doing these things once in a while may not cause any issues. The problem comes when these little actions become habits. Engaging in these things repetitively is what causes changes in how we feel, what we think, and even how we interact with people. As you read through these habits, thoughtfully consider whether they characterize your life. Just because they are on the list doesn’t mean these are inherently bad things. Consider each one and ask yourself these questions: Do I do this? How often? How do I feel when I engage in this? How does the idea of eliminating this feel? Each of these questions gives insight into whether it is a habit in your life and how self-destructive it may be for you. The last question about eliminating the habit can provide a lot of insight. If the idea of eliminating the behavior feels uncomfortable, difficult, or scary, chances are it is a deeply ingrained habit that is not serving you well. Self-destructive habits to avoid. Consider each of these sneaky self-destructive habits and the role they play in your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health. Endless scrolling. Phones have made it so easy to get information, connect with people, get work done, and be entertained. The danger, however, is that people spend too much time scrolling. Seemingly endless scrolling without purpose [...]

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7 Causes of Resentment in Marriage

7 Causes of Resentment in Marriage

Angela Yoon, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:31:50+00:00January 17th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Most couples get married with the hope of a, “happily ever after” etched deeply in their hearts and minds. In the early days of marriage, husbands and wives proclaim undying love for each other, telling each other how they couldn’t imagine living a life without the other. Passion, romance, affection, and sharing of hopes and dreams are probably the most common and expected characteristics of the early stages of marriage. It is in these early stages that most people experience the cliched marital bliss and unfortunately, it is also in these same years that the tone is set for whether a marriage will survive the inevitable ups and downs common in marriages. The early years of marriage, particularly the first year, often come with a lot of changes and adjustments as couples settle into their new roles as husbands or wives. Conflict management, shared financial responsibilities, different beliefs on certain topics, and division of chores around the home are some of the issues newly married couples must navigate. Marriage requires a lot of give-and-take and sometimes spouses give up certain parts of themselves to accommodate their new lives for real or perceived reasons. All this is done in the hope of making their relationship as smooth as possible. It is also at this point – when people start living together as husband and wife – that they tend to discover not only the true nature of the person they married but a new version of themselves that must share a home and a life with another person. Often, it is these discoveries, compromises, and adjustments that make the early days of marriage the most difficult stage of the relationship for many. What causes resentment in marriage? The Cambridge Dictionary defines resentment as “a feeling of anger because you have [...]

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Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Treatment Options

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Treatment Options

Angela Yoon, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:32:01+00:00December 19th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

Traumatic events are unpredictable and devastating. They can happen any time and anywhere, leaving the people who experience them with significant struggles as they try to process and recover from the memories of the event. Some people are gradually able to come to terms with what happened, but others are not. People whose symptoms do not go away may be suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Their symptoms may become so pervasive that they interfere with their ability to function in their day-to-day life. Trauma creates change you don’t choose. Healing is about creating change you do choose. – Michelle Rosenthal If you have been diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, the good news is that it can be treated successfully. There are several effective forms of therapy that can help you regain control of your life and get it back on track. Evidence-based Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder treatment interventions. Evidence-based trauma-focused psychotherapies are considered to be the most effective PTSD treatment, and the first-line choice for people suffering from PTSD. Although they may use different techniques or a combination of them to help you process your memories of the trauma, the common goal is to diminish your anxiety, reduce avoidant behavior, and equip you with effective coping skills to manage your symptoms, handle stressful situations, and deal with any triggers that arise. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Cognitive behavioral therapy is a type of talk therapy that focuses on the relationship between thoughts and behaviors. Its premise is that identifying and correcting the distorted thoughts that are at the root of your symptoms can lead to healthier ways of acting and an improved ability to control your emotions. Most PTSD treatment interventions are a form of cognitive behavioral therapy and fall under its umbrella. Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT). Trauma-focused cognitive [...]

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Some Old, Some New: 12 Causes of Resentment in Marriage

Some Old, Some New: 12 Causes of Resentment in Marriage

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:34:02+00:00December 15th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Take a read through this article and see how many of these causes for resentment in marriage you identify with. While this may not be a checklist you want to score well on it may be useful to know what specifically needs work from you as well as your spouse. One contributes more than the other. Between household chores, time with the children, the school run, and the financial contribution to running a household, there are many areas in a marriage where one may feel that they are doing more than their fair share and the other is not pulling their weight. There are also times when one partner feels they are actively building the marriage more intentionally than the other. When partners do not have the time, words, or emotional reserves to clearly explain how they are feeling in their relationship this type of resentment slowly accumulates and builds on itself. Try this: Sit down once a week with a weekly planner and discuss the plans and expectations each of you has for the week. Talk about when you will spend time together doing things you enjoy. Allowing the phone to suck up your time. Are there any rules or understandings in your home on what happens with phones around dinner time? Always having your phone, in your hand or at the table, ready to divert your attention away from your marriage with every notification can be a problem. Also, if you find yourself regularly checking it throughout times that are set aside for personal relationships between you, the message to your spouse is clear: They are not as important as whatever is on your phone. Try this: Create a phone bowl or box where the muted phones are placed once family time starts in the evening. Some [...]

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How to Stop Worrying Through Self-Talk

How to Stop Worrying Through Self-Talk

Angela Yoon, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:32:14+00:00December 14th, 2023|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

The conversations you have with yourself, in your mind or out loud, can either dial up or dial down the amount you worry about. “Inner talk is one of the most effective, least-used tools available to master the psyche and foster life success,” says Psychologist Ethan Kross. Times have changed since we thought others were crazy for talking to themselves. Many of us are doing it, and self-talk is recognized as an exceptionally useful tool as we navigate our various roles and areas of responsibility as a colleague, parents, siblings, students, and more. The quiet words we have with ourselves can help or hinder us as we learn how to stop worrying through self-talk. There are two types of self-talk. There is the quick reacting, knee jerk, and spontaneous reflex which comes from the emotional side of our brain. It is the hard-wired voice of survival and often it veers toward criticism or being negative which creates the environment required for self-doubt, depression, anxiety, and self-sabotage. The second voice comes from our prefrontal cortex, or thinking brain, and so it is linked to a greater ability to be introspective, deliberate, and have positive thoughts. Your internal voice of kindness is a skill that you have learned to tone down the effect of your emotional brain and give you healthy emotions and reactions such as happiness, lucidity, self-confidence, and composure that help you to stop the voice of worry and panic. The science of self-talk. Interestingly, studies show that how we use this quiet inner voice makes a real difference in our stress levels, how we respond to disappointments, as well as the capacity we have to accomplish tasks and fulfill various roles. If we listen to our natural fight or flight knee-jerk inner voice, we may well be too [...]

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