Personal Development Archives | Green Lake Christian Counseling

Establishing Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

Establishing Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

Kate Motaung2024-11-27T12:46:40+00:00May 30th, 2024|Anger Issues, Family Counseling, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Professional Development, Psychological Testing, Relationship Issues|

Healthy relationships consist of equal respect and honor. But sometimes, we are not clear on our expectations at the beginning of a relationship, which can cause issues later. Creating healthy boundaries in relationships lets your significant other know what you need and feel comfortable doing. If you started dating your spouse at a very young age before you knew yourself, setting boundaries now can feel awkward. As a result, your spouse may feel as if you are pushing them away. In this case, you may want to recruit the help of a couples counselor. What are Boundaries in Relationships? Boundaries in relationships are necessary to maintain independence and self-reliance. However, when boundaries become blurred, the give-or-take aspect of the relationship is no longer balanced. For example, if you don’t like your spouse to show public displays of affection, but he continues to do things that make you feel uncomfortable, you will eventually withdraw from your spouse or have an argument. However, you could have avoided a fight if you had discussed how you felt about public touching including what he wants and what makes you uncomfortable. Setting clear boundaries at the beginning of a relationship is recommended, but it is never too late to voice your needs and wants. This also means that you should consider your spouse’s needs and wants. For example, if you like to hold hands in public, but your spouse does not can you respect his wishes? A counselor can help you draw boundaries in relationships. You can set healthy boundaries for more than just the physical aspect of your relationship. The emotional, mental, material, and sexual elements are all areas you should be clear on what you will allow and the non-negotiable things that are deal breakers in your eyes. Examples of Boundaries in Relationships [...]

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Procrastination and Mental Health: Finding Support

Procrastination and Mental Health: Finding Support

Angela Yoon, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:31:29+00:00May 21st, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

At some time or another, anyone can struggle to push themselves through an unwanted or difficult assignment or task. However, people with mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, and ADHD, are far more likely to struggle with procrastination than someone without these issues. Research has shown that procrastination is both a cause and a result of stress, particularly for those with a mental health diagnosis of ADHD, anxiety, or depression. Procrastination and ADHD Procrastination and ADHD are often linked together. People with ADHD are more likely to procrastinate than those without ADHD. There are a few reasons for this. Distractibility People with ADHD are easily distracted, making it difficult to stay focused on a task. This can lead to procrastination, as people with ADHD may find it hard to get started on a task or to stay on track once they start. Impulsivity People with ADHD are often impulsive, which can lead to them making decisions without thinking about the consequences. This can also lead to procrastination, as people with ADHD may be more likely to put off tasks until the last minute. Low frustration tolerance People with ADHD often have low frustration tolerance, which can make it difficult to stick with a task that is challenging or boring. This can also lead to procrastination, as people with ADHD may be more likely to give up on a task before they finish it. If someone has ADHD, there are some skills they can build to overcome procrastination. For example, breaking down tasks into smaller steps can make tasks seem less daunting and more manageable. Likewise, setting deadlines can help a person to stay on track and avoid procrastination. Other tips include finding a quiet place to work helps focus and avoids distractions and taking breaks to stay refreshed [...]

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Help for When You are Overwhelmed by Feeling Insecure

Help for When You are Overwhelmed by Feeling Insecure

Kate Motaung2024-11-27T12:47:24+00:00March 8th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Professional Development, Relationship Issues|

Everyone feels insecure now and again. It could happen before a big event or a presentation at work, starting a new job, or entering a room full of strangers. We can feel insecure after we make a mistake. We might not feel assured in raising our children, interacting with our partners, or in our vocation. For some of us, feeling insecure is how we feel most of the time. Insecure feelings may permeate much of our daily activities and relationships. At times, we might even feel like we never fit into any situation or like we have “imposter” stamped on our foreheads. We see how everyone else does things better, faster, and smarter. We never believe that what we do, or who we are, is enough. We spend our days rebuking our decisions, questioning if we have done enough, and feeling like the least qualified person in every room. We might feel afraid to put ourselves out there in relationships because the amount of insecurity we experience inhibits us from taking risks or being vulnerable. Feeling insecure and anxious Insecurity is something we can feel in big or small ways. It can be related to how we see ourselves, how we experience our relationships, and how we show up in the working or productive parts of our lives. It can force us to pull back from relationships, say no to opportunities we would love to accept, and live in regret. Feeling insecure makes us retreat further into ourselves, where we often don’t like what we find there either. Constantly feeling insecure can lead to anxiety. We scan the horizon, cultivate the worst case in our heads, and wait for the other shoe to drop. When we feel insecure about who we are and our choices, we often feel anxious [...]

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Sneaky Self-Destructive Habits to Eliminate from Your Life

Sneaky Self-Destructive Habits to Eliminate from Your Life

Angela Yoon, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:31:39+00:00January 30th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Professional Development, Spiritual Development|

We all have things we do in our life that don’t serve us well. Sometimes they are big, obvious things and other times they are seemingly insignificant. Even the things that seem small and insignificant can have a major impact on your well-being. Whether they are big or small, self-destructive habits can wreak havoc. For many people, these habits will seem benign, and we wonder if they make that much of a difference. In reality, doing these things once in a while may not cause any issues. The problem comes when these little actions become habits. Engaging in these things repetitively is what causes changes in how we feel, what we think, and even how we interact with people. As you read through these habits, thoughtfully consider whether they characterize your life. Just because they are on the list doesn’t mean these are inherently bad things. Consider each one and ask yourself these questions: Do I do this? How often? How do I feel when I engage in this? How does the idea of eliminating this feel? Each of these questions gives insight into whether it is a habit in your life and how self-destructive it may be for you. The last question about eliminating the habit can provide a lot of insight. If the idea of eliminating the behavior feels uncomfortable, difficult, or scary, chances are it is a deeply ingrained habit that is not serving you well. Self-destructive habits to avoid. Consider each of these sneaky self-destructive habits and the role they play in your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health. Endless scrolling. Phones have made it so easy to get information, connect with people, get work done, and be entertained. The danger, however, is that people spend too much time scrolling. Seemingly endless scrolling without purpose [...]

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Social Anxiety: Signs and Treatment Options

Social Anxiety: Signs and Treatment Options

Kate Motaung2024-11-27T12:48:08+00:00December 7th, 2023|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Social anxiety can make life challenging. Everyday activities become a struggle. You may not be able to shop inside stores anymore, attend social events, or even spend time with friends. Social interactions are no longer straightforward when your heart and mind race and you worry about how to interact with others or what they think about you. Holiday shopping becomes relegated to online only because you no longer want to deal with the anxiety and the panic. The symptoms of social anxiety will keep you isolated from friends and family, causing you to miss out on being with others in ways that nourish our souls. If you believe you have social anxiety, you may need professional help so you can get back to living your life. Social Anxiety Disorder. Social anxiety can develop at any age, but the roots of the condition often stem from childhood. If you grew up in an environment of being bullied, your parents were overprotective, or you experienced public humiliation, your chances of suffering from social anxiety are higher. Genetics and family history also play a role. There are various degrees of social anxiety, from mild to severe. On one end, you may have the nagging thought that you should escape a conversation before embarrassing yourself. Conversely, you may fear attending an online video meeting because you worry that the other participants may judge you. Worrying about offending someone with a smell, speech, or appearance will keep you from enjoying events with your family. Your spouse may have little patience for your mental condition when they want to go out and have fun, and you are afraid to sit in a crowded movie theater. There may be no basis for these beliefs, but they are cemented into your psyche, and dislodging them may take [...]

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How to Cultivate Healthier Relationships Through Effective Listening

How to Cultivate Healthier Relationships Through Effective Listening

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:34:12+00:00November 1st, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Relationship Issues|

Therese and Steven are a young couple that’s been happily married for three and a half years, but the past six months have been quite difficult. Therese’s job has steadily required more from her, especially as her company had to downsize during the pandemic and they aren’t able to hire new people just yet. She’s often home quite late, and leaves early to get her day started. When she’s home, she feels tired and finds it hard to go out and have fun like she and Steven used to. Steven is in graduate school, and his studies consume much of his time. He struggles to maintain boundaries, so he often finds himself helping others in his cohort with their work. The effect of that is that he sometimes falls behind and has to work extra hard to meet deadlines, and that puts pressure on any plans he may have made with Therese. The last few months, it feels like they’ve been living alongside one another, and they both feel disconnected - emotionally, mentally, and physically. They had a big fight the other day because Steven had to cancel their date to submit an overdue assignment. What angered Therese even more was that when she tried to talk to Steven about it, he was distracted and wasn’t paying attention to what she was saying. In that way, what started as a tiff about the canceled date escalated and became a bigger conversation about their relationship and how they had lost their intimacy as a couple. Situations like that of Steven and Therese are quite common, even if the particulars differ somewhat. Couples and friends can find themselves feeling disconnected, and it’s not necessarily because they don’t care about one another. When life gets busy and you find yourself under pressure, [...]

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Restarting Your Life

Restarting Your Life

Dr. Gary Bell, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:36:58+00:00July 5th, 2022|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Professional Development|

Something isn’t right. It could be the job, the place you live, the relationship you are in, or the hobbies that consume your time. Day in and day out, you just don’t feel happy. A research report found that as many as one out of every three people are unhappy most of the time. Unfortunately, many people just live with their unhappiness. It’s often the easiest route of least resistance to blame others, or your life conditions, or the weather, or the politicians, or the tax code, or your public school teacher who didn’t encourage or engage you enough. The problems you may have or could have are probably endless. Your unhappiness is real. Restarting your life can happen in certain areas, attitudes, perspectives, work, and even a complete cathartic change of life. To be a person with the courage to restart you must begin with healthy and to take leaps of faith without all the answers. It is ultimately the ability to believe in yourself and a belief that God is in control. Restarting your life can happen in a day, over time, or anywhere in-between. Life calls for us to adapt. We are dependent on each other which constantly shifts priorities and views. Every day is a new start. It is making yourself believe the truth is the hard part. When we arrive at a dead-end, we know we have no choice but to train our minds to do what’s best for ourselves – develop new habits, and over time some of these habits become as ingrained as the self-defeating choices we’d previously made. The world constantly changes. The trick is to make change work for you, not against you. The people we are most emotionally invested in are our significant others, friends, family members, children, and beyond that [...]

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