Individual Counseling Archives | Green Lake Christian Counseling

The Presence of Self-Contempt in Your Story

The Presence of Self-Contempt in Your Story

Noah Cordrey, Kate Motaung2025-05-31T09:28:47+00:00June 2nd, 2025|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Pornography Addiction, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Addiction, Trauma|

In a previous article on shame and self-contempt, I provided a broad definition of self-contempt and gave a brief description of what it is and how it functions. If you haven’t given that article a read, I’d recommend it as I will be building on some already-established ideas about the reality of self-contempt. The goal is to narrow the focus and move our attention more specifically to self-contempt and how it shows up in the story of your life. As we explore this topic, I hope that you, the reader, will be more equipped to identify the presence of self-contempt in your own story without judgment. I hope that your curiosity will be stirred as you begin to consider questions such as, “How did I come to feel this way about myself?” “Why do I treat my body or my heart this way?” “What has shaped my beliefs about myself?” or “Is this how God views me?” In my interactions with clients and through my healing journey, I have found that self-contempt frequently resides in the subconscious realm of our awareness. This realm of our awareness is easily accessible. More often than not, things that reside in this area come to the surface without us being fully cognizant of them. This is to say that much of our self-contempt and what we believe about ourselves reside in a place that is accessible, just outside of our conscious awareness. Self-Contempt Defined In my previous article, I gave a somewhat wordy definition of self-contempt: “Self-contempt is to have contempt (the feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn) or loathing for oneself and one’s actions. In other words, it is to have the feeling or belief that you, or a part of you, is worthless, [...]

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When Shame and Self-contempt Show Up

When Shame and Self-contempt Show Up

Noah Cordrey, Kate Motaung2025-05-17T11:22:25+00:00May 19th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Sexual Addiction, Trauma|

Psychiatrist Curt Thompson, in his book entitled The Soul of Desire, writes, “Evil’s intention for our space and time is very different than the creation of beauty, and it is difficult to resist its attempts to get a foothold. Evil intends not only to cut us off from God and each other; it intends to annihilate beauty and tempts us to do the same in our response to shame and fear.” In the work of engaging the story of your life, you will inevitably come across moments and memories that will provoke you toward feeling shame and self-contempt. This is especially true if you have experienced trauma. Even if you have not experienced trauma, this is true due to the reality of living in a broken and fallen world. The impact of shame and self-contempt is an indicator that everything is not as it is meant to be. Shame and Self-Contempt Defined What is shame? Shame is the painful emotional experience of humiliation and distress caused by the realization of “I’ve done something wrong.” Being ashamed is the internalization of this humiliation and distress, which changes the narrative from “I’ve done something wrong” to “I am bad for doing this.” In other words, to be ashamed is to internalize the humiliation as a means of coping with the emotional distress produced in or through the given situation. Shame typically expresses itself through little sentences that we say about ourselves, such as, “I’m so stupid for doing that” or “I’m not attractive enough to date him or her.” Whether these resonate with you or not, the point is that we all have our own versions of these types of sentences that run through our minds. It is a way to cope with the emotional pain and helplessness that come from experiencing [...]

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How to Take Every Thought Captive: Finding Support for Your Anxiety

How to Take Every Thought Captive: Finding Support for Your Anxiety

Jane Zerabruk, Kate Motaung2025-05-14T06:58:44+00:00May 14th, 2025|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Does this sound like you? Your mind is plagued with a never-ending cycle of anxious thoughts. Do these thoughts look or sound like fear or self-doubt? Sometimes they can be accompanied by sweaty palms, a queasy stomach, and the feeling that you are going to vomit. There are days when you have life figured out, but then, you are blindsided by anxiety. You wonder if you will ever be free. Lies Spoken by Anxiety Anxiety tries to convince you that you must be in control. It whispers in your ear that if you let your guard down, everything will fall apart. It tells you that you must babysit your problems, keeping careful eye on them so they don’t multiply or grow into something even larger and more dreaded. The lie that anxiety whispers, and sometimes screams in your ear, is that you have to be in control always. Anxiety wants you to reach and maintain a state of heightened awareness, where your mind neither rests nor relaxes. Sometimes, there is no realistic or apparent danger. It makes you live on the edge and encourages you to overanalyze every situation, expecting something bad will happen. Lies lead to self-doubt Anxiety also ties your self-esteem and self-worth to your productivity and accomplishments. Do you feel as if your productivity or your accomplishments, or even your ability to manage your emotions perfectly is a measure of your worth? Many people feel the pinch that not keeping their anxiety at bay is, well, anxiety-inducing and hard on the ego. They believe not having control over their anxiety is a weakness and a source of shame. For example, you may believe that those moments when you are too exhausted to prepare for the worst (because that’s what your anxiety has convinced you will happen) will [...]

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Finding Support When Grieving the Loss of a Parent

Finding Support When Grieving the Loss of a Parent

Miranda Otsuka, Kate Motaung2025-05-06T06:35:24+00:00May 6th, 2025|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling|

The loss of a parent is never easy, no matter what your age. Even if the loss was expected, it’s a finality that nothing can prepare you for. The parent-child bond is one of the most fundamental human connections. Whether your relationship with your parent was close or difficult, you are still always your parent’s child, and he or she will always be a reference point for how you define your sense of self.When the bond is broken through your parent’s death, it can be a profoundly life-altering experience that impacts your life in many unpredictable ways. Your family dynamics are irrevocably changed, and so are you, as you realize you are now the older generation and ponder your mortality.Common Emotions Following the Loss of a ParentYou may feel flooded by a multitude of tangled emotions ranging from anguish, fear, abandonment, emptiness, and disbelief to numbness, loneliness, sorrow, and heartache over the things you will miss out on going forward. Even if you were estranged from your parent or your relationship was a rocky one, losing him or her can still bring up powerful feelings such as anger, guilt, remorse, relief, and frustration over issues that can no longer be resolved.Some of the most commonly felt emotions include:Sadness Tears may lie close to the surface and be easily triggered by something you see or smell that brings back a memory of your parent, or when, for instance, you reach for the phone to share something with him or her and remember he or she is no longer there.Anger You may feel angry with your parent for leaving you, with God for allowing it to happen, or even with yourself for not doing something you think you could or should have done that might have prevented their demiseGuilt and remorse You [...]

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Common Ways Abandonment Trauma Affects Relationships

Common Ways Abandonment Trauma Affects Relationships

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2025-05-02T07:32:07+00:00May 2nd, 2025|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

It would be impossible to get through life without ever once experiencing abandonment trauma or rejection. This universal experience is a tool that shapes us for better or worse, usually for worse. Sometimes we experience abandonment to such a degree that we are forever affected. Our first step to healing from abandonment trauma is to take some time to self-reflect and notice how abandonment trauma is affecting our relationships. From there, we can begin addressing these issues individually to free ourselves from the fear of further rejection. Peeling Back the Layers When we get a physical injury, we tend to protect the part of us that hurts instinctively. We might shy away from treatment because of the pain it causes, even though we understand that things might have to feel worse before they feel better. Emotional trauma is exactly like this, too. When we experience something painful or dangerous in childhood, such as abuse, neglect, or abandonment, our young brains instinctively shield us from the brunt of the pain. We tend to shy away from situations that would cause further harm. For example, if we got into physical danger because no adult was supervising what we were doing, we might learn to distrust adults because they seem not to care about us. From that one experience, we might learn to be self-sufficient and independent, engaging in dangerous activities secretly because we became convinced that adults didn’t care what we were doing. As we grow up, we carry childhood experiences within, often buried deeply in our subconscious. The neglected child learned that there would be no adult supervision to keep him from harm, and as an adult, he believes that no one truly cares what harm might befall him. He has become self-sufficient and independent to the point of being [...]

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Boundaries with Employers: How to Avoid Burnout

Boundaries with Employers: How to Avoid Burnout

Haley Jansen, Kate Motaung2025-04-19T10:00:46+00:00April 21st, 2025|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Professional Development, Relationship Issues|

Few things are more awkward and uncomfortable than setting boundaries at work. You want to be a team player, reliable, easy-going, and maybe even make a few friends along the way. You may long to hear your boss refer to you as “invaluable” or “irreplaceable” and to be a trusted colleague for your peers. The goal of having a good work ethic and generous attitude is admirable and biblical, but without boundaries, you can end up exhausted, overworked, and frankly, resentful of your job and boss. So, how do you find the balance between being a productive member of the team and being taken advantage of? Boundaries! Setting healthy boundaries, and just as importantly, insisting on strict adherence to them, will help you find the sweet spot. Of course, you have to be reasonable in establishing your boundaries. You are being paid to perform a job and have entered into an agreement with your employer, so you have a certain degree of responsibility to them and the position. But the unfortunate news is that most employers will boldly and unapologetically take as much as you will give, even beyond your expected responsibilities. This doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re evil or trying to exploit you, but because businesses are built on the backs of the workers. This means that it is up to you, the employee, to decide what your limits are. If you don’t, someone else will decide for you and unfortunately, it may not be in your favor. Know your responsibilities & non-negotiables Start by figuring out what aspects of your job are essential, logical, and reasonable requirements for your given position and job description. If you aren’t comfortable with these aspects of your job, it might be time to find something more suited to your talents and [...]

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Topics Covered in Teen Counseling

Topics Covered in Teen Counseling

Miranda Otsuka, Kate Motaung2025-04-01T07:22:55+00:00April 1st, 2025|Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Teens are naturally moody due to fluctuating hormones from adolescence. However, there are times when a child requires professional intervention to process the world around them or to move past a loss or trauma. Teenagers are also fraught with questions regarding identity, friends, independence, and the future. Teen counseling covers many topics, from relationship problems to addiction to building emotional resilience. When you choose Christian teen counseling, you provide your child with faith-based principles and the best psychology methods customized for them. Does teen counseling work? Teen counseling works by helping children learn to identify and analyze negative thoughts and emotions, shift mindsets and perspectives, and change behaviors. Teens in counseling are taught the skills to cope with disappointments and loss, set goals, and build resiliency, all of which are necessary in adulthood. Teen counseling brings families together by working with the parents to help their children. If you choose Christian counseling, the goal is also to get the family closer to Christ-like living and following the principles laid out in the Bible. Topics Covered in Teen Counseling In the past, parents tried to get through the teen years as best they could. Now, parents have more resources available to them, and the stigma that once surrounded mental health has decreased due to awareness. If your child struggles at home or school or has expressed interest in talking to someone, don’t hesitate to ask for help. You want your child to come to you with any problems, but often, teens feel embarrassed or unsure of how their parents will react regarding a subject. Teen counseling is a way to bring families closer together while helping the child through struggle. The following are several topics covered in teen counseling. Relationships with peers As most adults know, middle and high school [...]

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Existential Anxiety: Causes, Signs, and Treatment Options

Existential Anxiety: Causes, Signs, and Treatment Options

Haley Jansen, Kate Motaung2025-04-01T07:24:59+00:00April 1st, 2025|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Have you ever wondered about your purpose and place in the universe? Many of us have had an experience like that at one point or another. Maybe it came upon you as you pondered the vastness of nature and what it means to exist. Perhaps the thought captured your attention briefly, but it quickly passed, swallowed up by daily demands like chores, work, paying bills, school runs, and the habits and rhythms of life. For some people, thoughts about purpose, meaning, and the nature of our existence are more than just passing or intrusive thoughts. They can become distressing realities that they live with, and they can be quite damaging to one’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being. These ongoing thoughts and feelings can grow into existential anxiety. Existential Thoughts and Existential Anxiety Some people naturally gravitate toward thinking about things beyond the humdrum of daily life. However, even if you don’t carve time out of your day to ponder the deep questions of life, meaning, and the universe, that doesn’t mean you can’t feel unease about your life. That unease may come in the form of restlessness, struggling to sleep or make decisions, or just feeling like there’s no point in your life or the things you’ve been doing. You may start having existential thoughts when encountering an event or situation that makes you confront your or a loved one’s mortality. Let’s say you’re involved in an accident, and you escape uninjured. That could leave you pondering on things like the meaning of life. If a loved one gets quite ill, or you lose them, it can lead you to start thinking about meaning and purpose. Existential anxiety, on the other hand, is more intense, and it can be described as a sense of fear or uneasiness about the meaning [...]

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Fury Within: Understanding Intense Anger

Fury Within: Understanding Intense Anger

Noah Cordrey, Kate Motaung2025-03-14T07:00:35+00:00March 14th, 2025|Anger Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Pornography Addiction|

What have you been taught about anger? Perhaps anger has been described to you as a monster that lives on the inside. Somewhere deep down where nobody else is supposed to see it: a monster that rears its head when stress or anxiety are at their peak, when a friend or relative disrespects you in front of others, or when you are deeply frustrated that you’re still struggling with the same issue despite asking God numerous times to take it away. Maybe you have come to picture anger as something you’re supposed to keep in a tightly sealed bottle. A bottle kept far away from sunlight and other people out of fear that if you begin to lift the lid, it could wreak havoc in your own heart and your relationships. Do you ever feel like you have a monster living on the inside? What do you do when you sense that monster coming to the surface? Anger is an incredibly valuable emotion. It communicates to us that there is a need for something to move or for something to change in us and our surroundings. It tells us when a personal boundary has been crossed as well as when we have experienced a sense of injustice. In most instances, our bodies produce physical symptoms in response to feeling intense anger. For example, you’re eating dinner with your family, and your father begins to openly criticize you for your performance in your most recent baseball game. As he speaks, your jaw starts to clench, your shoulders start to tighten, and you want to yell at him to stop. Or you’re out with a group of friends and one of them starts bad-mouthing a friend of yours who isn’t present. Your stomach begins to tighten, your brow furrows, your face [...]

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10 Facts About Trauma

10 Facts About Trauma

Haley Jansen, Kate Motaung2025-02-26T05:11:24+00:00February 26th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

In recent years, society and culture in the US have changed to the point that talking about mental health is seen as acceptable and important rather than taboo or embarrassing. For many, however, there remains some confusion surrounding trauma and how it affects people. The best way to avoid becoming dismissive or confused about trauma is to learn about it. The goal is to be sensitive and informed when we encounter trauma, either in ourselves, in professional spaces, or in intimate connections with friends and loved ones. Trauma Facts Trauma doesn’t affect everyone in the same way Two people can go through the same event and come away with completely different experiences. For example, a divorce might affect one child deeply while their sibling takes it in their stride and adapts to the change with relative ease. We tend to compare our experiences with others, especially those closest to us, so that we can frame or understand our perception of what happened. When it feels like we are the only ones to have experienced trauma from a certain event, we might feel confused. Sometimes we trivialize or dismiss our own experience. This is often how people become dismissive of trauma in general; they misunderstand their response to something that deeply affects them. It can take time for us to realize an event has caused trauma We sometimes come out on the other end of a struggle and continue with our lives only to find that months, years, and sometimes decades later, we can’t stop thinking about what happened. Even in sleep, we find ourselves reliving past events. PTSD and CPTSD happen after an event and affect us until we begin addressing it. Just because something didn’t directly impact us when it happened does not mean it wasn’t traumatic. Trauma [...]

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