Individual Counseling Archives | Green Lake Christian Counseling

Dealing with Anxiety and Anger: The Unbearable Weight of Fear and Loathing

Dealing with Anxiety and Anger: The Unbearable Weight of Fear and Loathing

Haley Jansen, Kate Motaung2025-06-25T05:06:37+00:00June 25th, 2025|Anger Issues, Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

If there are any two emotions that we’ve all felt at some point in our lives, it’s probably anxiety and anger. Whether it’s about your family, school, work, or related to the things you believe in or care deeply about, we’ve all felt one or both of these emotions in a given moment. While at face value it might seem as though they have little to do with each other, there are a lot of connections between these two emotions. Being angry, anxious, or both can be a heavy burden. The things that typically lead us to experience these emotions generally aren’t things we would choose for ourselves. Additionally, being angry or anxious takes a toll on our mental, emotional, relational, and physical well-being. Chronic anger or anxiety can impair your ability to function well day-to-day, making it all the more important to know how to deal with them effectively. What Anger and Anxiety Do to Your Body One thing that you’ll notice almost immediately about both anger and anxiety is that they seem to affect your body in the same way. When something angers you or makes you feel anxious, it can trigger your body’s fight-or-flight response. The physical symptoms that result from releasing stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol prepare your body to deal with the situation, whether by fleeing from it or standing your ground to fight it. When these powerful hormones are released into your bloodstream, you may experience an increased heart rate, higher blood pressure, a tight chest, muscle tension, a rush of heat, headaches, or gastrointestinal issues. Even though anger and anxiety are distinct emotions, they tend to trigger a similar physiological response. These emotions are also often triggered by the same things, and they both have an impact on one’s well-being, especially [...]

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The Silent Grief of Pregnancy Loss

The Silent Grief of Pregnancy Loss

Miranda Otsuka, Kate Motaung2025-06-18T07:14:11+00:00June 18th, 2025|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling, Women’s Issues|

Pregnancy loss is the most common reason for losing a baby during pregnancy. It occurs in up to one in every four pregnancies. If it happens before 20 weeks of gestation, it is typically referred to as a miscarriage, or spontaneous abortion, whereas babies who die 20 weeks or more into the pregnancy are considered stillbirths. There is a unique pain that comes from preparing a place in your heart for a child that never comes – David Platt. A Grief Often Minimized and Misunderstood Most pregnancy losses happen during the first trimester. Because of this risk, many couples choose not to announce their pregnancy until after the first trimester, and as a result, if they do lose their baby during this time, they wind up mourning their loss in private without anyone else being aware of it, and their grief remains silent and unspoken. Even loved ones who may know about it don’t usually recognize the depth of their pain. Pregnancy loss tends to be minimized, misunderstood, and considered less significant than the death of a live person by our culture. Because it is a loss that is not visible to others or does not fit the norm, it is often not openly acknowledged, publicly mourned, or supported. Whereas losing a child, for instance, is commonly acknowledged as one of the most heart-wrenching experiences imaginable, pregnancy loss is more likely to be reacted to with an indifferent shrug, leading you to feel shame and inadequacy along with your anguish. There are no established rituals for mourning pregnancy loss, no traditional observances or other supports that typically accompany loss, no funeral, memorial service, or grave to visit, all of which make it especially hard to process and work through your grief. What Makes Pregnancy Loss Unique One of the [...]

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Relationship Advice for Men: Strengthening Your Marriage Against Infidelity

Relationship Advice for Men: Strengthening Your Marriage Against Infidelity

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2025-06-11T06:05:46+00:00June 11th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Relationship Issues|

Relationships are a key part of our lives. Having people to love and people who love us is one of the main things that indicate our well-being. That’s because relationships are fundamental to who we are as social and relational beings. When our relationships are healthy, it’s more likely that we feel a sense of well-being than when everything else is in order and our relationships are in disarray. This makes it imperative to nurture our relationships. When your relationships are healthy and you have people with whom to share life, it can amplify various life experiences such as accomplishing something significant, enjoying yourself, laughing, having a great meal, or having a sense of meaning and purpose. When you feel deeply connected to others, you’ll likely carry a sense of meaning and that life has a purpose. Marriage is among the most intimate of human relationships. You share your life, thoughts, hopes, dreams, ambitions, fears, body, finances, home, and children with the person you call “spouse”. Sharing your life with another person is an amazing journey that can also be fraught with perils. Infidelity is one of the ways a marriage can come under threat. Understanding what infidelity is and how to guard against it is vital. Breaking Down Infidelity If you were to ask a group of ten guys how they would define infidelity, it’s possible you’d get at least 5 different answers to that question. In our society, people have drawn personal boundaries in diverse places, and how one man understands certain practices won’t be the same as another man’s understanding. One man might not think watching pornography is problematic, while another does, for example. In one sense, defining infidelity will be a matter of what personal boundaries one has. This makes it vital that you and your [...]

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The Presence of Self-Contempt in Your Story

The Presence of Self-Contempt in Your Story

Noah Cordrey, Kate Motaung2025-05-31T09:28:47+00:00June 2nd, 2025|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Pornography Addiction, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Addiction, Trauma|

In a previous article on shame and self-contempt, I provided a broad definition of self-contempt and gave a brief description of what it is and how it functions. If you haven’t given that article a read, I’d recommend it as I will be building on some already-established ideas about the reality of self-contempt. The goal is to narrow the focus and move our attention more specifically to self-contempt and how it shows up in the story of your life. As we explore this topic, I hope that you, the reader, will be more equipped to identify the presence of self-contempt in your own story without judgment. I hope that your curiosity will be stirred as you begin to consider questions such as, “How did I come to feel this way about myself?” “Why do I treat my body or my heart this way?” “What has shaped my beliefs about myself?” or “Is this how God views me?” In my interactions with clients and through my healing journey, I have found that self-contempt frequently resides in the subconscious realm of our awareness. This realm of our awareness is easily accessible. More often than not, things that reside in this area come to the surface without us being fully cognizant of them. This is to say that much of our self-contempt and what we believe about ourselves reside in a place that is accessible, just outside of our conscious awareness. Self-Contempt Defined In my previous article, I gave a somewhat wordy definition of self-contempt: “Self-contempt is to have contempt (the feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn) or loathing for oneself and one’s actions. In other words, it is to have the feeling or belief that you, or a part of you, is worthless, [...]

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When Shame and Self-contempt Show Up

When Shame and Self-contempt Show Up

Noah Cordrey, Kate Motaung2025-05-17T11:22:25+00:00May 19th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Sexual Addiction, Trauma|

Psychiatrist Curt Thompson, in his book entitled The Soul of Desire, writes, “Evil’s intention for our space and time is very different than the creation of beauty, and it is difficult to resist its attempts to get a foothold. Evil intends not only to cut us off from God and each other; it intends to annihilate beauty and tempts us to do the same in our response to shame and fear.” In the work of engaging the story of your life, you will inevitably come across moments and memories that will provoke you toward feeling shame and self-contempt. This is especially true if you have experienced trauma. Even if you have not experienced trauma, this is true due to the reality of living in a broken and fallen world. The impact of shame and self-contempt is an indicator that everything is not as it is meant to be. Shame and Self-Contempt Defined What is shame? Shame is the painful emotional experience of humiliation and distress caused by the realization of “I’ve done something wrong.” Being ashamed is the internalization of this humiliation and distress, which changes the narrative from “I’ve done something wrong” to “I am bad for doing this.” In other words, to be ashamed is to internalize the humiliation as a means of coping with the emotional distress produced in or through the given situation. Shame typically expresses itself through little sentences that we say about ourselves, such as, “I’m so stupid for doing that” or “I’m not attractive enough to date him or her.” Whether these resonate with you or not, the point is that we all have our own versions of these types of sentences that run through our minds. It is a way to cope with the emotional pain and helplessness that come from experiencing [...]

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How to Take Every Thought Captive: Finding Support for Your Anxiety

How to Take Every Thought Captive: Finding Support for Your Anxiety

Jane Zerabruk, Kate Motaung2025-05-14T06:58:44+00:00May 14th, 2025|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Does this sound like you? Your mind is plagued with a never-ending cycle of anxious thoughts. Do these thoughts look or sound like fear or self-doubt? Sometimes they can be accompanied by sweaty palms, a queasy stomach, and the feeling that you are going to vomit. There are days when you have life figured out, but then, you are blindsided by anxiety. You wonder if you will ever be free. Lies Spoken by Anxiety Anxiety tries to convince you that you must be in control. It whispers in your ear that if you let your guard down, everything will fall apart. It tells you that you must babysit your problems, keeping careful eye on them so they don’t multiply or grow into something even larger and more dreaded. The lie that anxiety whispers, and sometimes screams in your ear, is that you have to be in control always. Anxiety wants you to reach and maintain a state of heightened awareness, where your mind neither rests nor relaxes. Sometimes, there is no realistic or apparent danger. It makes you live on the edge and encourages you to overanalyze every situation, expecting something bad will happen. Lies lead to self-doubt Anxiety also ties your self-esteem and self-worth to your productivity and accomplishments. Do you feel as if your productivity or your accomplishments, or even your ability to manage your emotions perfectly is a measure of your worth? Many people feel the pinch that not keeping their anxiety at bay is, well, anxiety-inducing and hard on the ego. They believe not having control over their anxiety is a weakness and a source of shame. For example, you may believe that those moments when you are too exhausted to prepare for the worst (because that’s what your anxiety has convinced you will happen) will [...]

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Finding Support When Grieving the Loss of a Parent

Finding Support When Grieving the Loss of a Parent

Miranda Otsuka, Kate Motaung2025-05-06T06:35:24+00:00May 6th, 2025|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling|

The loss of a parent is never easy, no matter what your age. Even if the loss was expected, it’s a finality that nothing can prepare you for. The parent-child bond is one of the most fundamental human connections. Whether your relationship with your parent was close or difficult, you are still always your parent’s child, and he or she will always be a reference point for how you define your sense of self.When the bond is broken through your parent’s death, it can be a profoundly life-altering experience that impacts your life in many unpredictable ways. Your family dynamics are irrevocably changed, and so are you, as you realize you are now the older generation and ponder your mortality.Common Emotions Following the Loss of a ParentYou may feel flooded by a multitude of tangled emotions ranging from anguish, fear, abandonment, emptiness, and disbelief to numbness, loneliness, sorrow, and heartache over the things you will miss out on going forward. Even if you were estranged from your parent or your relationship was a rocky one, losing him or her can still bring up powerful feelings such as anger, guilt, remorse, relief, and frustration over issues that can no longer be resolved.Some of the most commonly felt emotions include:Sadness Tears may lie close to the surface and be easily triggered by something you see or smell that brings back a memory of your parent, or when, for instance, you reach for the phone to share something with him or her and remember he or she is no longer there.Anger You may feel angry with your parent for leaving you, with God for allowing it to happen, or even with yourself for not doing something you think you could or should have done that might have prevented their demiseGuilt and remorse You [...]

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Common Ways Abandonment Trauma Affects Relationships

Common Ways Abandonment Trauma Affects Relationships

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2025-05-02T07:32:07+00:00May 2nd, 2025|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

It would be impossible to get through life without ever once experiencing abandonment trauma or rejection. This universal experience is a tool that shapes us for better or worse, usually for worse. Sometimes we experience abandonment to such a degree that we are forever affected. Our first step to healing from abandonment trauma is to take some time to self-reflect and notice how abandonment trauma is affecting our relationships. From there, we can begin addressing these issues individually to free ourselves from the fear of further rejection. Peeling Back the Layers When we get a physical injury, we tend to protect the part of us that hurts instinctively. We might shy away from treatment because of the pain it causes, even though we understand that things might have to feel worse before they feel better. Emotional trauma is exactly like this, too. When we experience something painful or dangerous in childhood, such as abuse, neglect, or abandonment, our young brains instinctively shield us from the brunt of the pain. We tend to shy away from situations that would cause further harm. For example, if we got into physical danger because no adult was supervising what we were doing, we might learn to distrust adults because they seem not to care about us. From that one experience, we might learn to be self-sufficient and independent, engaging in dangerous activities secretly because we became convinced that adults didn’t care what we were doing. As we grow up, we carry childhood experiences within, often buried deeply in our subconscious. The neglected child learned that there would be no adult supervision to keep him from harm, and as an adult, he believes that no one truly cares what harm might befall him. He has become self-sufficient and independent to the point of being [...]

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Boundaries with Employers: How to Avoid Burnout

Boundaries with Employers: How to Avoid Burnout

Haley Jansen, Kate Motaung2025-04-19T10:00:46+00:00April 21st, 2025|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Professional Development, Relationship Issues|

Few things are more awkward and uncomfortable than setting boundaries at work. You want to be a team player, reliable, easy-going, and maybe even make a few friends along the way. You may long to hear your boss refer to you as “invaluable” or “irreplaceable” and to be a trusted colleague for your peers. The goal of having a good work ethic and generous attitude is admirable and biblical, but without boundaries, you can end up exhausted, overworked, and frankly, resentful of your job and boss. So, how do you find the balance between being a productive member of the team and being taken advantage of? Boundaries! Setting healthy boundaries, and just as importantly, insisting on strict adherence to them, will help you find the sweet spot. Of course, you have to be reasonable in establishing your boundaries. You are being paid to perform a job and have entered into an agreement with your employer, so you have a certain degree of responsibility to them and the position. But the unfortunate news is that most employers will boldly and unapologetically take as much as you will give, even beyond your expected responsibilities. This doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re evil or trying to exploit you, but because businesses are built on the backs of the workers. This means that it is up to you, the employee, to decide what your limits are. If you don’t, someone else will decide for you and unfortunately, it may not be in your favor. Know your responsibilities & non-negotiables Start by figuring out what aspects of your job are essential, logical, and reasonable requirements for your given position and job description. If you aren’t comfortable with these aspects of your job, it might be time to find something more suited to your talents and [...]

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Topics Covered in Teen Counseling

Topics Covered in Teen Counseling

Miranda Otsuka, Kate Motaung2025-04-01T07:22:55+00:00April 1st, 2025|Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Teens are naturally moody due to fluctuating hormones from adolescence. However, there are times when a child requires professional intervention to process the world around them or to move past a loss or trauma. Teenagers are also fraught with questions regarding identity, friends, independence, and the future. Teen counseling covers many topics, from relationship problems to addiction to building emotional resilience. When you choose Christian teen counseling, you provide your child with faith-based principles and the best psychology methods customized for them. Does teen counseling work? Teen counseling works by helping children learn to identify and analyze negative thoughts and emotions, shift mindsets and perspectives, and change behaviors. Teens in counseling are taught the skills to cope with disappointments and loss, set goals, and build resiliency, all of which are necessary in adulthood. Teen counseling brings families together by working with the parents to help their children. If you choose Christian counseling, the goal is also to get the family closer to Christ-like living and following the principles laid out in the Bible. Topics Covered in Teen Counseling In the past, parents tried to get through the teen years as best they could. Now, parents have more resources available to them, and the stigma that once surrounded mental health has decreased due to awareness. If your child struggles at home or school or has expressed interest in talking to someone, don’t hesitate to ask for help. You want your child to come to you with any problems, but often, teens feel embarrassed or unsure of how their parents will react regarding a subject. Teen counseling is a way to bring families closer together while helping the child through struggle. The following are several topics covered in teen counseling. Relationships with peers As most adults know, middle and high school [...]

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