Individual Counseling Archives | Green Lake Christian Counseling

Soul Care: Identity Formation

Soul Care: Identity Formation

Noah Cordrey, Kate Motaung2026-03-24T06:39:15+00:00March 24th, 2026|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Spiritual Development|

What makes up the foundation of your being? If you were to think of yourself as a house, the foundation of your house is underground and unseen. Similarly, your soul is the unseen foundation of your being and of who you are. Knowing what makes up the foundation of who you are is an essential part of becoming a healthy and integrated human being. A major part of your soul is your identity. Dr. Rob Reimer says, “What you believe about yourself is the foundation of your life; it is your identity, and a faulty foundation will create cracks in the soul. If you are going to construct a healthy life, it begins with what you believe about yourself.” What is your identity built upon? A way that you can begin to answer this question is to start examining what you believe about yourself. Not what you want other people to think or believe about you, but what do you think about yourself? Let’s take Dr. Reimer’s words into deeper consideration as we think about identity. Using his framework for understanding how the shaping of our souls informs the outworking of our identity, to properly comprehend our identity, we must first understand what our belief system is built upon. Each of us has an internal belief system. It has been formed, shaped, and molded over the course of our lives. This has likely happened through our various life experiences, including what we were taught about ourselves and about the world around us at a young age. We tend to expose our internal belief system in different ways. One common way we do this is through talking about ourselves and others. This internal data is not as hard to reach as people might think. It is constantly running in our [...]

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Common Signs of Gaslighting in a Relationship

Common Signs of Gaslighting in a Relationship

Kate Motaung2026-02-27T18:16:01+00:00February 27th, 2026|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Gaslighting has existed for as long as human relationships have, but it’s only recently gotten significant public attention. Through pop culture and social media, the term, which is derived from a 1938 play titled “Gas Light,” has made its way into everyday conversation. In the story, a husband systematically manipulates his wife into questioning her own sanity. These days, the term describes emotional manipulation and abuse where the abuser, or gas lighter, uses mind games to control the victim, making them doubt their own perceptions, memories, and even their own grip on reality. If you’re in a relationship that often has you scratching your head and questioning your own memory and perceptions, you may be in a relationship where gaslighting is at play. You might also start to wonder about what is real or feel guilty about things you don’t quite understand. Gaslighters love to twist the truth to make you feel as if you’re to blame, even when you are innocent of their accusations. Here are some things to look for if you suspect you might be experiencing gaslighting in a relationship. Persistent self-doubt While self-doubt can be a sign of other issues in your life, such as low self-esteem, it can also be a sign of gaslighting. If you have noticed that you’re constantly questioning your own memories or perceptions, or if your partner is consistently dismissing your feelings or experiences, you may be a victim of gaslighting.Gas lighters often accuse their victims of “overreacting” or “being overly sensitive.” This consistent manipulation can cause the victim to second-guess their own authentic memories and perceptions of reality. Cognitive dissonance If you’re a victim of gaslighting, you may experience a sense of losing touch with reality. Your partner, or abuser, might insist that you said something that you never said [...]

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The Importance of Listening to Your Nervous System: A Christian Counselor Explains

The Importance of Listening to Your Nervous System: A Christian Counselor Explains

Noah Cordrey, Kate Motaung2026-02-02T14:26:21+00:00January 30th, 2026|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues|

Let’s do a quick mental exercise. Briefly recall the last time that you were in a mildly stressful situation. Maybe you were rushing out the door to your car because you were late for an appointment. Or perhaps you were anticipating having an important conversation with your boss, a friend, or a family member. Now, once you’ve got that mildly stressful situation in your mind, bring your attention to what’s happening in your body at that moment. What is your breathing pattern? What actions does your body want to take? What sensations do you experience in your body, and where do you feel them? Finally, what emotions come to the surface? All of these are signals that come from a deeper place in you: your nervous system. The Nervous System The human nervous system is a complex and intricate web of nerve cells that send and receive electrical and chemical signals all over our bodies. From our brain stems, through our torso, into our arms, down into our stomachs, and into our legs, it covers a lot of ground, and it is an essential part of us that God has made. The questions above aim to bring awareness to what our nervous system is telling us about what we are experiencing, even when we may be unaware of it. They slow us down by training our awareness and attention to rest on a specific part of our experience: breathing, action, sensation, and emotion. Living in the modern world causes a significant amount of stress or anxiety for many people. Between juggling work responsibilities, maintaining friendships, raising children, and making sure basic needs are met, our lives can become overwhelming and fast-paced. While God has graciously given us the ability to adapt to our circumstances and environments, many still find themselves [...]

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How to Identify and Relate to Autistic Behavior in a Loved One

How to Identify and Relate to Autistic Behavior in a Loved One

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2026-01-10T04:51:52+00:00January 12th, 2026|Autism spectrum disorder, Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

People are different in many ways, including their neurology. A neurodivergent person is atypical in how they experience and interact with their world. Just as in every other facet of life, the call to love our neighbors as we love ourselves (Matthew 22:37-40) includes those who are not neurotypical. We should approach neurodiverse individuals with the same compassion we want to receive for the ways we’re different. Autism – Understanding It and Dispelling Myths Autism is a condition formally referred to as Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Though that is the clinical term, many prefer to refer to the condition as autism or simply as being autistic. The choice of language a person prefers will vary – the preference might be for person-first language (e.g., "person with autism") or for identity-first language (e.g., "autistic person"). Setting to one side what is appropriate when referring to ASD and individuals with ASD, the question is, what is ASD? ASD is a neurodevelopmental condition that manifests differently and uniquely in individuals. It influences how the individual interacts with and perceives the world around them. ASD is characterized by differences in behavioral patterns, social communication, and sensory experiences. ASD is commonly described as a spectrum. This is because the condition encompasses a broad range of challenges and abilities, and these exist on a spectrum. Two people with ASD won’t experience the same levels of difficulty with communication, social interactions, sensitivity to sensory input like light or sound, or in their experiences of repetitive behaviors. The spectrum nature of autism may also mean that some individuals excel in certain areas, such as their memory, art, or mathematics, while facing challenges in other areas of life, like maintaining relationships. Common Misunderstandings and Controversies about Autism We live in the information age, which has positive and negative implications. [...]

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4 Ways to Forgive Others

4 Ways to Forgive Others

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2025-12-02T08:44:11+00:00December 2nd, 2025|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

Forgiveness is a biblical mandate. However, people don’t always understand that forgiveness is easier said than done. It’s silly to believe that it is simple for someone to forgive a person who has committed a heinous crime against them, such as sexual assault or molestation. Yet, forgiveness not only sets the victim free, but it also sets the offender free. Forgiveness is the key to emotional and spiritual freedom. But how does a person do that? Forgiveness can take time Forgiveness is a process. Jesus tells His disciples they should forgive others seventy times seven. This indicates that they may have to forgive others more than once. Lisa Teurkeurst, in her book Forgiving What You Can’t Forget, identifies forgiveness as a process. She validates the reader’s feelings and understands that the feelings associated with the offense are not easily eradicated. In the book, she gives a practical strategy she learned from her own counselor. This counselor told her to say the following statement: “I choose to forgive__________ for ___________ and what my feelings can’t catch up to, I pray the blood of Christ will cover.” Participating in this process of forgiveness will help people, both those who are struggling to forgive as well as the offender. We need to understand that forgiveness takes time. As a society, people often struggle to grieve or deal with loss well. They may skip grief completely and stuff their feelings in the hopes that somehow those feelings will go away on their own. However, deep emotions like sadness, anger, resentment, and others are eventually unearthed elsewhere. It just depends on the situation and the person. Understanding forgiveness and considering the nature of the offense will help to initiate forgiveness. By participating in the above exercise, some will be able to move toward wholeness [...]

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The Importance of Measuring Your Level of Death Anxiety

The Importance of Measuring Your Level of Death Anxiety

Grace Mavindidze2025-12-02T07:58:29+00:00November 29th, 2025|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Everyone’s a little bit wary of the Grim Reaper, and it’s quite natural to have some level of concern about dying. But the moment such thoughts start to take over normal daily functioning, it becomes a sign of a serious problem, like death anxiety. It is not normal to be thinking about dying all the time to the extent that it disrupts your daily activities like working or hanging out with others; this only reduces your quality of life. Death anxiety is also known as death phobia or the more technical term, thanatophobia; a strong and excessive fear or irrational awareness regarding one’s death, the dying process, the afterlife, and even events that surround the death of loved ones. Do you know that methods are now available where you can measure how unhealthy your fears of death are? Knowing your level of death anxiety, or that of a loved one, is an important preparatory stage for addressing and managing such crippling fears, and whether you need any help. One widely used method is called the Death Anxiety Scale, or DAS. How the Death Anxiety Scale works This approach was originally developed in the 1970s by American psychologist Donald Templer, and it has since proved to be a valuable tool in clinical and research applications. DAS, in brief, is a collection of 15 statements measuring different facets of anxiety related to dying, such as anxiety about the unknown, anxiety about the dying process, and anxiety about separation from those you love. The statements below are some examples: I am terrified to die The thought of death frequently enters my mind It makes me nervous when I hear people talking about death I am afraid to be operated on I am terrified of getting cancer The thought of death frequently worries me [...]

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Coming to Grips with ADHD Anger

Coming to Grips with ADHD Anger

Jane Zerabruk, Kate Motaung2025-11-22T07:33:44+00:00November 24th, 2025|ADHD/ADD, Anger Issues, Christian Counseling for Children, Christian Counseling For Teens, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Whether you have ADHD or know someone who does, you might have experienced ADHD anger. As with most people who deal with angry outbursts, there is usually something behind and beneath the emotions. Understanding what lies beneath the anger is helpful because it gives us an idea of how to cope with anger. However, unlike neurotypical people, there are unique issues behind ADHD anger. It might take some time to discover what is triggering this anger and how to cope with it, but it is perfectly possible to cope with ADHD anger and avoid some of its more damaging effects. The Dopamine Dilemma All neurodiverse people have problems regulating their emotions; it is a part of the terrain of having a different nervous system. For those with ADHD, it is because their nervous system has lower-than-average levels of dopamine. Dopamine is a complex hormone that affects our feelings of pleasure and satisfaction, movement and motor control, and physical functions like sleep, digestion, and heart rate. Most importantly, it has a role in our cognitive functions, like memory, focus, and learning. Without this hormone, we are more likely to feel frustrated, under- or over-stimulated, easily distracted, and emotionally dysregulated. While we naturally have lower levels of dopamine than neurotypical people, we have the additional problem of having too many dopamine transporters. This means that the small amounts of dopamine in our system travel to the brain too quickly to be of any lasting use because of the abundance of transporters. Therefore, we don’t have enough dopamine in our system to have any meaningful effect. The small amounts produced are sent to the brain and used up far too quickly. This results in those with ADHD getting “stuck” repetitively doing activities that provide little hits of dopamine, such as binge eating, [...]

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Strategies for Diffusing Bipolar Rage

Strategies for Diffusing Bipolar Rage

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2025-10-17T06:18:03+00:00October 17th, 2025|Anger Issues, Bipolar Disorder, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Bipolar disorder, formerly known as manic depression, is a mood disorder that affects how you feel and react to your environment, as well as how you relate to others. It is characterized by dramatic mood swings between manic highs and depressive lows. These mood swings can disrupt your life, the life of your loved ones, and make you feel as though you are living on an emotional rollercoaster over which you have no control. What are bipolar cycles? During the manic cycle of bipolar disorder, your confidence tends to soar, and you may have an exaggerated sense of well-being. Your thoughts race, you feel wired, your energy level may be so high you can’t stop moving or doing, and you don’t get much sleep. Lack of sleep can, in turn, impair your judgment and lead you to make unwise decisions such as going on a buying spree or making foolish investments. At first, you may enjoy the feelings of euphoria and the ability to be more productive this cycle brings, but it will end with an emotional crash when the pendulum swings to the depressive side, and your highs are turned into lows. During the depressive cycle, you are likely to withdraw and to feel lethargic, hopeless, sad, worthless, apathetic, and disinterested in activities you normally enjoy. You may also feel fatigued, have trouble sleeping or sleep too much, find it difficult to think straight, and even contemplate suicide. What is bipolar rage? Although anger isn’t a symptom of bipolar disorder per se, irritability is. People with bipolar disorder seem to be more vulnerable to extreme responses, such as impulsive, irrational outbursts, than are people who don’t have the disorder. Bipolar rage is impetuous, intense, erratic, and volatile. Little things, like being asked a simple question, may make you [...]

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The Necessity of Mind-Body Connection

The Necessity of Mind-Body Connection

Noah Cordrey, Kate Motaung2025-09-25T07:23:02+00:00September 25th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Personal Development|

You are not a floating head When people enter counseling for the first time, there are often unspoken expectations about how the process will unfold. We’re going to talk about our feelings that confuse us, memories that you want to forget but can’t quite get past, or maybe even address some maladaptive patterns of thinking. But what about building an understanding or connection to your own body? Has this ever been one of your motivations or goals for seeking out counseling in the first place? In the Western world, we have taken up an ancient notion that our minds are separate from the rest of us. Our minds have, in many instances, become the center of our being. We become floating heads walking around with a bunch of dead weight below our shoulders. The only issue is that you are not a floating head. None of us is. Dr. Dan Siegel, in his book titled The Developing Mind, puts forth this definition of the mind: “The system of the mind, the flow of energy and information, is not limited by skull or skin. This system of mind happens within the whole body and in our relationships – it is within and between, embodied and relational. The mind is an embodied and relational process that regulates the flow of energy and information.” The Mind in Process What Dr. Siegel is getting at here is that while we may be operating under the assumption that our mind is stuck in between our ears, the reality is that our mind is a process. It is something that is formed in and through relationships, and it regulates the flow of information. This information comes from external stimuli, our own consciousness, our subjective experience, and our internal process of self-organization. These four facets of [...]

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Understanding the Three ADHD Subtypes

Understanding the Three ADHD Subtypes

Miranda Otsuka, Kate Motaung2025-09-26T12:22:35+00:00September 15th, 2025|ADHD/ADD, Christian Counseling for Children, Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Most people mistakenly believe that having Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) means that you will be restless, energetic, and generally find it hard to focus. While these are some characteristics of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder in general, the truth is that there are three subtypes of ADHD, each with unique characteristics and challenges. When a person has no understanding of these subtypes, they might believe their diagnosis was a mistake because they don’t experience the same things as another person with ADHD. Understanding the different subtypes will help you understand yourself, your weaknesses, and which areas to focus on as you manage Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Keep in mind that there is a great amount of complexity with ADHD, and one person’s experience cannot be more or less accurate than another’s experience. ADHD-H (Hyperactive-Impulsive ADHD) When someone mentions Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, this is usually the type that comes to mind for most people. Those with ADHD-H often get diagnosed in childhood, where they tend to be disruptive in school, struggling to sit still and pay attention. Besides physical hyperactivity, people with Type 1 ADHD also experience “noisy” thoughts sometimes to the point of being overstimulated and overwhelmed by their busy minds. Adults with ADHD-H mostly experience the second type of hyperactivity, with disorganized thoughts and busy brains that struggle to calm down. In childhood, ADHD-H is more prevalent among boys, but it is not uncommon in girls. Children with ADHD-H are talkative, creative, and tend to squirm and move around a lot when they are expected to be still and quiet. Many children make impulsive decisions, but those with ADHD-H frequently get into trouble because of their impulsivity and poor decision-making. The results of ADHD-H might significantly impact a child’s schooling experience. Adults with ADHD-H often feel restless [...]

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