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How to Cultivate Healthier Relationships Through Effective Listening

How to Cultivate Healthier Relationships Through Effective Listening

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:34:12+00:00November 1st, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Relationship Issues|

Therese and Steven are a young couple that’s been happily married for three and a half years, but the past six months have been quite difficult. Therese’s job has steadily required more from her, especially as her company had to downsize during the pandemic and they aren’t able to hire new people just yet. She’s often home quite late, and leaves early to get her day started. When she’s home, she feels tired and finds it hard to go out and have fun like she and Steven used to. Steven is in graduate school, and his studies consume much of his time. He struggles to maintain boundaries, so he often finds himself helping others in his cohort with their work. The effect of that is that he sometimes falls behind and has to work extra hard to meet deadlines, and that puts pressure on any plans he may have made with Therese. The last few months, it feels like they’ve been living alongside one another, and they both feel disconnected - emotionally, mentally, and physically. They had a big fight the other day because Steven had to cancel their date to submit an overdue assignment. What angered Therese even more was that when she tried to talk to Steven about it, he was distracted and wasn’t paying attention to what she was saying. In that way, what started as a tiff about the canceled date escalated and became a bigger conversation about their relationship and how they had lost their intimacy as a couple. Situations like that of Steven and Therese are quite common, even if the particulars differ somewhat. Couples and friends can find themselves feeling disconnected, and it’s not necessarily because they don’t care about one another. When life gets busy and you find yourself under pressure, [...]

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What Depression Feels Like and How to Cope

What Depression Feels Like and How to Cope

Kate Motaung2024-11-27T12:48:22+00:00October 30th, 2023|Depression, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Women’s Issues|

Depression comes in many forms. It can be caused by brain circuitry, an imbalance of brain chemicals, trauma, uncontrollable life events, genetics, or family history. What depression feels like is a persistent sadness that envelops you and alters your thoughts and emotions. It leaves you fatigued and often isolated. Depression is diagnosed by professionals using the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), 5th Edition from the American Psychiatric Association. A licensed mental health care provider reviews assessments, symptoms, length, and quantity of depressive episodes to make a diagnosis and suggest treatment. Below is a list of several common depression disorders. If you suspect you or a loved one suffers from depression, reach out for help today. Severe depression can lead to thoughts of suicide. Atypical depression. Atypical depression begins at a younger age than other depressive disorders. You are at a higher risk of developing atypical depression if your family history includes people with depression or bipolar disorder. People who abuse alcohol or drugs may also develop this type of depression. Atypical depression is marked by depressive states that lift with a positive event or good news. However, this lift is only temporary. It may seem as if your thoughts and emotions default to depression, and the only relief you have is when something good noticeably happens. Since this depression tries to override other emotions, you must be aware of your thoughts and behaviors. Suicidal thoughts can intrude. Fatigue and a heaviness in your arms and legs can weigh you down and make you sleepy. Your sleep patterns can change, making you sleep more. As hormones shift, your appetite may increase, leading to weight gain, which can lower your self-esteem and make you self-conscious in front of others. People struggling with atypical depression cannot handle criticism effectively [...]

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Sex in Marriage: Keeping and Maintaining Intimacy

Sex in Marriage: Keeping and Maintaining Intimacy

Dr. Gary Bell, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:36:45+00:00July 5th, 2022|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

As with many things, husbands and wives differ on when or how often to have sex in marriage. Men rarely see impediments to love-making and most think it is a good idea at almost any time. The condition of their marriage doesn’t interfere, nor do other issues with which they are coping. That’s possibly because men tend to be good at compartmentalizing; the circumstances in one part of their lives won’t necessarily spill over into the other parts. If they have financial problems, face difficulties in their jobs, or are angry at their wives, sex can still be a viable option. In fact, many husbands will gauge the overall quality of their marriage by how often they do it. For women, sex in marriage is often a welcome relief. However, if a man does not cherish his wife or make sure to look out for her needs she may withdraw from sex and make it a battleground. People can inflict consequences in marriage, punishing in the bedroom when disrespect, stress, and conflict are not worked out. Communication is the key to healing. Men and women might also differ in how their self-image affects their sexual appetite. Most men aren’t pre-occupied with their body image, but if a wife is dissatisfied with her figure, sex can be something that makes her uncomfortable. However, some wives are more critical of their appearance than are their husbands – they are generally happy with how their wives look. While in the middle of making love, a self-conscious woman might think about all the things that are wrong (“This sags, I’m too fat, my hips are too big, etc.”). Her husband, on the other hand, is consumed with one idea: “Hurray! She’s naked!” From a wife’s perspective, if her husband volunteers that he thinks she is sexy or attractive, [...]

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Restarting Your Life

Restarting Your Life

Dr. Gary Bell, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:36:58+00:00July 5th, 2022|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Professional Development|

Something isn’t right. It could be the job, the place you live, the relationship you are in, or the hobbies that consume your time. Day in and day out, you just don’t feel happy. A research report found that as many as one out of every three people are unhappy most of the time. Unfortunately, many people just live with their unhappiness. It’s often the easiest route of least resistance to blame others, or your life conditions, or the weather, or the politicians, or the tax code, or your public school teacher who didn’t encourage or engage you enough. The problems you may have or could have are probably endless. Your unhappiness is real. Restarting your life can happen in certain areas, attitudes, perspectives, work, and even a complete cathartic change of life. To be a person with the courage to restart you must begin with healthy and to take leaps of faith without all the answers. It is ultimately the ability to believe in yourself and a belief that God is in control. Restarting your life can happen in a day, over time, or anywhere in-between. Life calls for us to adapt. We are dependent on each other which constantly shifts priorities and views. Every day is a new start. It is making yourself believe the truth is the hard part. When we arrive at a dead-end, we know we have no choice but to train our minds to do what’s best for ourselves – develop new habits, and over time some of these habits become as ingrained as the self-defeating choices we’d previously made. The world constantly changes. The trick is to make change work for you, not against you. The people we are most emotionally invested in are our significant others, friends, family members, children, and beyond that [...]

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Children of Divorce: How to Help Them Cope

Children of Divorce: How to Help Them Cope

Lisa Velin, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:37:48+00:00July 5th, 2022|Christian Counseling for Children, Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues|

Divorce is hard. Sometimes in an effort to protect ourselves from the hurt and pain, we inadvertently dismiss what the children of divorce think or feel. Or, we believe them when they say they don’t want to talk about the divorce or that they don’t care. We want to believe that they will come out of this all right. The truth is that divorce affects every member of the family. It’s important to be open and honest with your child, but also watch out for any signs that they are having difficulty accepting the new living arrangements. If your child is having trouble, it might be time to enlist the help of a professional therapist. Speaking to Children of Divorce There can be multiple reasons why the communication breaks down between parents and children amid a divorce. It could be that talking about the divorce is too upsetting to the parent, so they simply tell their child in a brief statement about divorce. It could be that the child is hurt about the divorce but doesn’t want to admit it. Children of divorce sometimes shrug off the situation to keep their emotions at arm’s length. They may feel betrayed and decide that it is better to distance themselves to keep from getting hurt again. Other children may blame themselves for their parents’ inability to cohabitate. Whatever the reason, you can prevent miscommunication by talking openly to your child about the forthcoming changes before the separation, if possible. If you can, schedule a time when both parents can sit down with the child and explain the new arrangements. There is no need to go into detail about why the decision was made, but reiterate that both parents love the child. Of course, sitting down with the other parent before the [...]

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Hope in the Dark: A Reflection on Coronavirus and Easter

Hope in the Dark: A Reflection on Coronavirus and Easter

Lisa Velin, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:38:01+00:00July 5th, 2022|Featured, Individual Counseling, Spiritual Development|

Are you struggling to find hope in the dark? If so, I can relate. The day before Easter this year, I awoke at 6:30 with a sense of urgency. I sensed stirrings deep within my soul. I told my husband I needed to walk and process. Something was rising to the surface that I needed to heed . . . Off I walked, not quickly, but purposefully to nearby Green Lake. As I methodically moved my feet, one after the other, my heart was just as steady and focused. As my feet dodged goose droppings and tree roots, my eyes scanned the scenery. The atmosphere was dark, still, and silent. The sky opened with occasional and dramatic sun peeks through the moving clouds. Even the birds seemed subdued. I was meditating on Good Friday and considering the utter desolation Jesus’ followers must have experienced on the day between Jesus' death and resurrection. Even though Jesus had told them that He would come back, they had not understood nor had they expected Him to die in the way that He did. They were most likely traumatized, as evidenced by the way many of them hunkered down in fear and sadness in that upper room. They had watched their King die a cruel and slow death. Jesus had died. How disoriented and confused, and maybe still in shock, they were on the day after His death. I feel nauseous even as I think about it. I have lost two significant people in my life -- one I was with the moment she passed. As she took her last breaths, what was about five minutes seemed like hours. It was so excruciating to watch, even with the hope I will see her in heaven. I can't imagine what this like for the [...]

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Resentment in Relationships: The Endless Cost

Resentment in Relationships: The Endless Cost

Dr. Gary Bell, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:37:10+00:00June 28th, 2022|Anger Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Resenting somebody is not as simple as disliking them or finding them annoying; rather, it's a feeling that is related to the repetition of painful patterns relating to unaddressed difficulties. Yep, I know that may sound hideously complex, but it's a relatively simple concept once you unpack it. And you should take the time to unpack it – because the truth is that resenting your partner (even if you don't realize that you're doing it) is not great for your love life. But there is a bright side: Your relationship is not doomed if you realize that you've been feeling resentful; you can notice and resolve your resentment. Make a list of all your resentments and communicate them to your partner. Also, come to the conversation with what solutions would look like. You must explore resentment because it impacts every area of your relationship and does not allow both of you to thrive. They must be revealed and discussed constructively with action steps. This show comes with many of the tools to do this. So what is to be done if you’ve been in a relationship for some time, and hurts have built up and led to resentment and unresolved anger and pain? Is there hope for empathy to regain a foothold in your relationship, so that true intimacy can begin flourishing once again? What is the way forward when it feels like there is too much toxic water under the bridge, too much wreckage, to find your way back to a loving relationship? When the past is a minefield, can the present become peaceful? If there’s hope for empathy to re-emerge in your relationship, even when resentment abounds, the answer is: probably. But if you asked me whether there are ways to try and rebuild the empathic bond in your relationship, I would answer with [...]

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What is Group Therapy and What are the Benefits?

What is Group Therapy and What are the Benefits?

Lisa Velin, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:38:13+00:00June 28th, 2022|Anxiety, Chemical Dependency, Featured, Grief Counseling, Group Counseling|

Life is better when it is lived with others. After all, we are relational beings at our core. When we encounter hardships, they are easier to bear up under when we have a community of support that stands with us through the storm. The encouragement and support of a community are invaluable to the process of healing. No one wants to feel alone during a crisis, and yet “I feel so alone in this” is a thought that many of us have had during a particularly hard season of life. There are certain issues about which we may feel shame and discomfort at letting other people know, such as addictions or sexual abuse, and those emotions only compound the feeling of isolation. If you are battling alone, or are only familiar with individual counseling, then group counseling may be an alternative to consider. Depending on the nature of the issue you face, group therapy may be the ideal choice to explore your concerns and bring about positive and lasting change to your life. Facing life’s challenges alone makes the journey that much more difficult, and knowing that others understand and share your struggle, others who have gone through it and have come out the other side, others who are willing to support you on your own journey, makes all the difference in the world and might be just what you need. As Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says, “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their work: if one falls down, his friend can help him up…Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Instead of feeling isolated in your struggle, Christian group counseling gives you a community and circle of support made up of like-minded brothers [...]

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