Miranda Otsuka

The loss of a parent is never easy, no matter what your age. Even if the loss was expected, it’s a finality that nothing can prepare you for. The parent-child bond is one of the most fundamental human connections. Whether your relationship with your parent was close or difficult, you are still always your parent’s child, and he or she will always be a reference point for how you define your sense of self.When the bond is broken through your parent’s death, it can be a profoundly life-altering experience that impacts your life in many unpredictable ways. Your family dynamics are irrevocably changed, and so are you, as you realize you are now the older generation and ponder your mortality.Common Emotions Following the Loss of a ParentYou may feel flooded by a multitude of tangled emotions ranging from anguish, fear, abandonment, emptiness, and disbelief to numbness, loneliness, sorrow, and heartache over the things you will miss out on going forward. Even if you were estranged from your parent or your relationship was a rocky one, losing him or her can still bring up powerful feelings such as anger, guilt, remorse, relief, and frustration over issues that can no longer be resolved.Some of the most commonly felt emotions include:Sadness Tears may lie close to the surface and be easily triggered by something you see or smell that brings back a memory of your parent, or when, for instance, you reach for the phone to share something with him or her and remember he or she is no longer there.Anger You may feel angry with your parent for leaving you, with God for allowing it to happen, or even with yourself for not doing something you think you could or should have done that might have prevented their demiseGuilt and remorse You [...]

There’s something about waiting that’s hard. Perhaps it’s not knowing how things will turn out, or it’s the desire in us to work with something we know. It could also be that we want to simply move from the situation we’re in to someplace else. Life feels like it’s about movement, which makes staying still and waiting quite a hard task. The hard task of waiting is captured quite well in The Lord of The Rings. One of the main characters, Pippin, is in a city that’s on edge due to an imminent attack by the enemy’s force. Pippin says, “I don’t want to be in a battle, but waiting on the edge of one I can’t escape is even worse.” That waiting can be harder than what is awaited. This is true in many areas of our lives. The hours before an important date, job interview, examination, or other important event can be nerve-wracking. It’s no different when we’re faced with something as unpleasant as the loss of a loved one. What Is Anticipatory Grief? When we think of grief, we typically think of it occurring after a loss has happened. For most people, they enter grief when they experience loss. The loss could be the death of a loved one, divorce or separation, the end of a treasured dream, or losing one’s home and community. However, grief doesn’t only set in after events have already unfolded. The emotions and thoughts associated with grief can be triggered and experienced before the loss has happened. The term “anticipatory grief” refers to the psychological and emotional response a person has to a loss that hasn’t yet happened, but that is in the process of occurring or is likely to occur. It’s grief that sets in even though circumstances haven’t yet [...]