Kate Motaung, Green Lake Christian Counseling

Anger in the Bible: Help and Healing for Anger Issues

Anger in the Bible: Help and Healing for Anger Issues

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:33:50+00:00February 6th, 2024|Anger Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling|

If we ask the question, “What does the Bible say about anger?” we might first be thinking about anger as a negative thing, and in many cases, it is. It doesn’t take much to think of an example of sinful anger. But it might be helpful to think of anger as simply one of a range of human emotions. It can be healthy or unhealthy, righteous or sinful, but it can also be redeemed and used by God for good. Human emotions are no stranger to God. He created our capacity to experience them, and Jesus experienced emotions when he walked the earth, including grief (John 11:35), joy (John 15:11), and anger (John 2:15-16). As he was perfect in every way, we can be confident that emotions, including anger, are part of being human and are not automatically wrong. Emotions themselves are neutral. Our thoughts and actions, how we respond to those emotions, determine whether we will act out our feelings in a godly or ungodly manner. We’ve all witnessed the destructive force of sinful anger, whether in our own lives or that of others. To take it a step further, we can all acknowledge that sinful anger is one of the greatest forces of destruction in the world. Along with power, it’s a deadly and evil thing that can be used to harm, abuse, and destroy people, relationships, and even entire countries. But anger starts in the same place every other human emotion springs from; the heart. So, to get to the root of destructive anger, we must start with the heart. Addressing anger issues, whether in a child or an adult, as soon as possible can allow us to get to the root quickly and begin to find another path that doesn’t cause destruction. If you’re interested in [...]

Comments Off

Sneaky Self-Destructive Habits to Eliminate from Your Life

Sneaky Self-Destructive Habits to Eliminate from Your Life

Angela Yoon, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:31:39+00:00January 30th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Professional Development, Spiritual Development|

We all have things we do in our life that don’t serve us well. Sometimes they are big, obvious things and other times they are seemingly insignificant. Even the things that seem small and insignificant can have a major impact on your well-being. Whether they are big or small, self-destructive habits can wreak havoc. For many people, these habits will seem benign, and we wonder if they make that much of a difference. In reality, doing these things once in a while may not cause any issues. The problem comes when these little actions become habits. Engaging in these things repetitively is what causes changes in how we feel, what we think, and even how we interact with people. As you read through these habits, thoughtfully consider whether they characterize your life. Just because they are on the list doesn’t mean these are inherently bad things. Consider each one and ask yourself these questions: Do I do this? How often? How do I feel when I engage in this? How does the idea of eliminating this feel? Each of these questions gives insight into whether it is a habit in your life and how self-destructive it may be for you. The last question about eliminating the habit can provide a lot of insight. If the idea of eliminating the behavior feels uncomfortable, difficult, or scary, chances are it is a deeply ingrained habit that is not serving you well. Self-destructive habits to avoid. Consider each of these sneaky self-destructive habits and the role they play in your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health. Endless scrolling. Phones have made it so easy to get information, connect with people, get work done, and be entertained. The danger, however, is that people spend too much time scrolling. Seemingly endless scrolling without purpose [...]

Comments Off

7 Causes of Resentment in Marriage

7 Causes of Resentment in Marriage

Angela Yoon, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:31:50+00:00January 17th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Most couples get married with the hope of a, “happily ever after” etched deeply in their hearts and minds. In the early days of marriage, husbands and wives proclaim undying love for each other, telling each other how they couldn’t imagine living a life without the other. Passion, romance, affection, and sharing of hopes and dreams are probably the most common and expected characteristics of the early stages of marriage. It is in these early stages that most people experience the cliched marital bliss and unfortunately, it is also in these same years that the tone is set for whether a marriage will survive the inevitable ups and downs common in marriages. The early years of marriage, particularly the first year, often come with a lot of changes and adjustments as couples settle into their new roles as husbands or wives. Conflict management, shared financial responsibilities, different beliefs on certain topics, and division of chores around the home are some of the issues newly married couples must navigate. Marriage requires a lot of give-and-take and sometimes spouses give up certain parts of themselves to accommodate their new lives for real or perceived reasons. All this is done in the hope of making their relationship as smooth as possible. It is also at this point – when people start living together as husband and wife – that they tend to discover not only the true nature of the person they married but a new version of themselves that must share a home and a life with another person. Often, it is these discoveries, compromises, and adjustments that make the early days of marriage the most difficult stage of the relationship for many. What causes resentment in marriage? The Cambridge Dictionary defines resentment as “a feeling of anger because you have [...]

Comments Off

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Treatment Options

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Treatment Options

Angela Yoon, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:32:01+00:00December 19th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

Traumatic events are unpredictable and devastating. They can happen any time and anywhere, leaving the people who experience them with significant struggles as they try to process and recover from the memories of the event. Some people are gradually able to come to terms with what happened, but others are not. People whose symptoms do not go away may be suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Their symptoms may become so pervasive that they interfere with their ability to function in their day-to-day life. Trauma creates change you don’t choose. Healing is about creating change you do choose. – Michelle Rosenthal If you have been diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, the good news is that it can be treated successfully. There are several effective forms of therapy that can help you regain control of your life and get it back on track. Evidence-based Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder treatment interventions. Evidence-based trauma-focused psychotherapies are considered to be the most effective PTSD treatment, and the first-line choice for people suffering from PTSD. Although they may use different techniques or a combination of them to help you process your memories of the trauma, the common goal is to diminish your anxiety, reduce avoidant behavior, and equip you with effective coping skills to manage your symptoms, handle stressful situations, and deal with any triggers that arise. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Cognitive behavioral therapy is a type of talk therapy that focuses on the relationship between thoughts and behaviors. Its premise is that identifying and correcting the distorted thoughts that are at the root of your symptoms can lead to healthier ways of acting and an improved ability to control your emotions. Most PTSD treatment interventions are a form of cognitive behavioral therapy and fall under its umbrella. Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT). Trauma-focused cognitive [...]

Comments Off

Some Old, Some New: 12 Causes of Resentment in Marriage

Some Old, Some New: 12 Causes of Resentment in Marriage

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:34:02+00:00December 15th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Take a read through this article and see how many of these causes for resentment in marriage you identify with. While this may not be a checklist you want to score well on it may be useful to know what specifically needs work from you as well as your spouse. One contributes more than the other. Between household chores, time with the children, the school run, and the financial contribution to running a household, there are many areas in a marriage where one may feel that they are doing more than their fair share and the other is not pulling their weight. There are also times when one partner feels they are actively building the marriage more intentionally than the other. When partners do not have the time, words, or emotional reserves to clearly explain how they are feeling in their relationship this type of resentment slowly accumulates and builds on itself. Try this: Sit down once a week with a weekly planner and discuss the plans and expectations each of you has for the week. Talk about when you will spend time together doing things you enjoy. Allowing the phone to suck up your time. Are there any rules or understandings in your home on what happens with phones around dinner time? Always having your phone, in your hand or at the table, ready to divert your attention away from your marriage with every notification can be a problem. Also, if you find yourself regularly checking it throughout times that are set aside for personal relationships between you, the message to your spouse is clear: They are not as important as whatever is on your phone. Try this: Create a phone bowl or box where the muted phones are placed once family time starts in the evening. Some [...]

Comments Off

How to Stop Worrying Through Self-Talk

How to Stop Worrying Through Self-Talk

Angela Yoon, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:32:14+00:00December 14th, 2023|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

The conversations you have with yourself, in your mind or out loud, can either dial up or dial down the amount you worry about. “Inner talk is one of the most effective, least-used tools available to master the psyche and foster life success,” says Psychologist Ethan Kross. Times have changed since we thought others were crazy for talking to themselves. Many of us are doing it, and self-talk is recognized as an exceptionally useful tool as we navigate our various roles and areas of responsibility as a colleague, parents, siblings, students, and more. The quiet words we have with ourselves can help or hinder us as we learn how to stop worrying through self-talk. There are two types of self-talk. There is the quick reacting, knee jerk, and spontaneous reflex which comes from the emotional side of our brain. It is the hard-wired voice of survival and often it veers toward criticism or being negative which creates the environment required for self-doubt, depression, anxiety, and self-sabotage. The second voice comes from our prefrontal cortex, or thinking brain, and so it is linked to a greater ability to be introspective, deliberate, and have positive thoughts. Your internal voice of kindness is a skill that you have learned to tone down the effect of your emotional brain and give you healthy emotions and reactions such as happiness, lucidity, self-confidence, and composure that help you to stop the voice of worry and panic. The science of self-talk. Interestingly, studies show that how we use this quiet inner voice makes a real difference in our stress levels, how we respond to disappointments, as well as the capacity we have to accomplish tasks and fulfill various roles. If we listen to our natural fight or flight knee-jerk inner voice, we may well be too [...]

Comments Off

Social Anxiety: Signs and Treatment Options

Social Anxiety: Signs and Treatment Options

Kate Motaung2024-11-27T12:48:08+00:00December 7th, 2023|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Social anxiety can make life challenging. Everyday activities become a struggle. You may not be able to shop inside stores anymore, attend social events, or even spend time with friends. Social interactions are no longer straightforward when your heart and mind race and you worry about how to interact with others or what they think about you. Holiday shopping becomes relegated to online only because you no longer want to deal with the anxiety and the panic. The symptoms of social anxiety will keep you isolated from friends and family, causing you to miss out on being with others in ways that nourish our souls. If you believe you have social anxiety, you may need professional help so you can get back to living your life. Social Anxiety Disorder. Social anxiety can develop at any age, but the roots of the condition often stem from childhood. If you grew up in an environment of being bullied, your parents were overprotective, or you experienced public humiliation, your chances of suffering from social anxiety are higher. Genetics and family history also play a role. There are various degrees of social anxiety, from mild to severe. On one end, you may have the nagging thought that you should escape a conversation before embarrassing yourself. Conversely, you may fear attending an online video meeting because you worry that the other participants may judge you. Worrying about offending someone with a smell, speech, or appearance will keep you from enjoying events with your family. Your spouse may have little patience for your mental condition when they want to go out and have fun, and you are afraid to sit in a crowded movie theater. There may be no basis for these beliefs, but they are cemented into your psyche, and dislodging them may take [...]

Comments Off

How to Cultivate Healthier Relationships Through Effective Listening

How to Cultivate Healthier Relationships Through Effective Listening

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:34:12+00:00November 1st, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Relationship Issues|

Therese and Steven are a young couple that’s been happily married for three and a half years, but the past six months have been quite difficult. Therese’s job has steadily required more from her, especially as her company had to downsize during the pandemic and they aren’t able to hire new people just yet. She’s often home quite late, and leaves early to get her day started. When she’s home, she feels tired and finds it hard to go out and have fun like she and Steven used to. Steven is in graduate school, and his studies consume much of his time. He struggles to maintain boundaries, so he often finds himself helping others in his cohort with their work. The effect of that is that he sometimes falls behind and has to work extra hard to meet deadlines, and that puts pressure on any plans he may have made with Therese. The last few months, it feels like they’ve been living alongside one another, and they both feel disconnected - emotionally, mentally, and physically. They had a big fight the other day because Steven had to cancel their date to submit an overdue assignment. What angered Therese even more was that when she tried to talk to Steven about it, he was distracted and wasn’t paying attention to what she was saying. In that way, what started as a tiff about the canceled date escalated and became a bigger conversation about their relationship and how they had lost their intimacy as a couple. Situations like that of Steven and Therese are quite common, even if the particulars differ somewhat. Couples and friends can find themselves feeling disconnected, and it’s not necessarily because they don’t care about one another. When life gets busy and you find yourself under pressure, [...]

Comments Off

What Depression Feels Like and How to Cope

What Depression Feels Like and How to Cope

Kate Motaung2024-11-27T12:48:22+00:00October 30th, 2023|Depression, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Women’s Issues|

Depression comes in many forms. It can be caused by brain circuitry, an imbalance of brain chemicals, trauma, uncontrollable life events, genetics, or family history. What depression feels like is a persistent sadness that envelops you and alters your thoughts and emotions. It leaves you fatigued and often isolated. Depression is diagnosed by professionals using the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), 5th Edition from the American Psychiatric Association. A licensed mental health care provider reviews assessments, symptoms, length, and quantity of depressive episodes to make a diagnosis and suggest treatment. Below is a list of several common depression disorders. If you suspect you or a loved one suffers from depression, reach out for help today. Severe depression can lead to thoughts of suicide. Atypical depression. Atypical depression begins at a younger age than other depressive disorders. You are at a higher risk of developing atypical depression if your family history includes people with depression or bipolar disorder. People who abuse alcohol or drugs may also develop this type of depression. Atypical depression is marked by depressive states that lift with a positive event or good news. However, this lift is only temporary. It may seem as if your thoughts and emotions default to depression, and the only relief you have is when something good noticeably happens. Since this depression tries to override other emotions, you must be aware of your thoughts and behaviors. Suicidal thoughts can intrude. Fatigue and a heaviness in your arms and legs can weigh you down and make you sleepy. Your sleep patterns can change, making you sleep more. As hormones shift, your appetite may increase, leading to weight gain, which can lower your self-esteem and make you self-conscious in front of others. People struggling with atypical depression cannot handle criticism effectively [...]

Comments Off

Sex in Marriage: Keeping and Maintaining Intimacy

Sex in Marriage: Keeping and Maintaining Intimacy

Dr. Gary Bell, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:36:45+00:00July 5th, 2022|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

As with many things, husbands and wives differ on when or how often to have sex in marriage. Men rarely see impediments to love-making and most think it is a good idea at almost any time. The condition of their marriage doesn’t interfere, nor do other issues with which they are coping. That’s possibly because men tend to be good at compartmentalizing; the circumstances in one part of their lives won’t necessarily spill over into the other parts. If they have financial problems, face difficulties in their jobs, or are angry at their wives, sex can still be a viable option. In fact, many husbands will gauge the overall quality of their marriage by how often they do it. For women, sex in marriage is often a welcome relief. However, if a man does not cherish his wife or make sure to look out for her needs she may withdraw from sex and make it a battleground. People can inflict consequences in marriage, punishing in the bedroom when disrespect, stress, and conflict are not worked out. Communication is the key to healing. Men and women might also differ in how their self-image affects their sexual appetite. Most men aren’t pre-occupied with their body image, but if a wife is dissatisfied with her figure, sex can be something that makes her uncomfortable. However, some wives are more critical of their appearance than are their husbands – they are generally happy with how their wives look. While in the middle of making love, a self-conscious woman might think about all the things that are wrong (“This sags, I’m too fat, my hips are too big, etc.”). Her husband, on the other hand, is consumed with one idea: “Hurray! She’s naked!” From a wife’s perspective, if her husband volunteers that he thinks she is sexy or attractive, [...]

Comments Off

Kate Motaung

About Kate Motaung

CONTACT INFO

Greenlake Christian Counseling

ABOUT US