Kate Motaung, Green Lake Christian Counseling

It’s More Than Sweet Talk: 9 Tips for Healthy Communication in Marriage

It’s More Than Sweet Talk: 9 Tips for Healthy Communication in Marriage

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:33:04+00:00August 8th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

One of the biggest tools for having a long-lasting marriage is the tool of communication. Understanding how to talk to your spouse is the key to creating a relationship that works to overcome any situation. Communication in marriage is not something that just happens. It takes a willingness to listen before speaking. God’s Word leads us in how to be good communicators in our marriage. It is up to us to apply those instructions. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. – Ephesians 4:29, NIV Communication is not just about words. It also can be exhibited in your actions. That is why it is important to make sure your actions reflect the love you have for your spouse. When does communication affect marriage? This may seem like a needless question, but the reality is many people are not familiar with when communication affects their marriage. They may not realize that what they have said was hurtful because they were just joking. All too often people harmlessly say things not knowing how their spouse will react to what is said. Understanding how communication in marriage creates a partnership will help you learn to monitor what you say before you say it. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. – Proverbs 15:1, NIV When there are unspoken expectations It can be wonderful when we know what each other is thinking. Then there are those times when we don’t realize that others don’t have a clue what we are thinking. When this happens, we find that we have set an expectation for an answer or an action that our spouse doesn’t realize [...]

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Make Your Garden Grow: Navigating Relationships and Personal Development

Make Your Garden Grow: Navigating Relationships and Personal Development

Kate Motaung2024-11-27T12:46:25+00:00July 25th, 2024|Family Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

Nature reveals that progress grows under the right conditions. Similarly, the seeds we plant in our personal development or relationships flourish as we invest authenticity and effort. We cultivate meaningful connections when we spend time, listening, and talking with one another. Giving to others and gathering what we need is a bonus of abiding interdependently in a life-giving community, whether comprised of one individual or an entire tribe. A relational transaction isn’t the specific aim, but mutual exchanges do sustain our relationships, blessing us through the Biblical principle of sowing and reaping. We harvest what we plant, and receive what we give (Galatians 6:7). It may not return to us in the same way or from the same place, but God stands by His Word. He ensures that we will reap benefits as we release blessings into others’ lives. The Father created us for community. It happens both deliberately and organically as we offer what the Father has given to us and enjoy what He has placed in others. Hidden Treasure God placed value for each of us in someone else. We weren’t created to remain in isolation, but rather to thrive in a healthy community. Though we may value relationships, they invoke challenges. We don’t have to look far to notice the toxic evidence of people maligning and gaslighting one another. Often, people are absorbed in their own pain and resistant to the idea of embracing solutions to work through challenges. Evidence of soul wounds often reflects the areas where a small relationship issue evolved into a stronghold that can negatively impact how we view others or ourselves. We may be able to recognize traces of unresolved relationship issues in our own lives. They often manifest in how quickly we become offended or angry and remain embroiled in resentment, [...]

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When Grief Comes Home: Dealing With Grief

When Grief Comes Home: Dealing With Grief

Angela Yoon, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:31:07+00:00July 11th, 2024|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling|

Life as a journey can sometimes seem like a passage through a valley of tears. There are many joys to be had in this life like having friends, family, meaningful careers, ways to enjoy leisure, and the beautiful world around us. But our lives are also pockmarked with pain and loss of various kinds. One of the ways we respond to loss, whether it’s already happened or is imminent, is by grieving and dealing with grief. Understanding how grief works in your life or the lives of your loved ones will help you discern what is going on when loss rears its head, and also how best to respond. How grief comes into our lives Many different experiences in life can be the cause of grief. When we grieve, we are undergoing a process of understanding our loss and overcoming that loss. When we love something or someone, we form attachments to them. Grief is the emotional suffering or pain that we experience when that person or thing is taken away from us. Some of the ways that grief comes into our lives include the following: Bereavement The death of a loved one is one of the more common causes of grief. They could be a sibling, parent, partner, friend, or your child. Often, the deeper and more intimate the relationship with the person, the more intense the feelings of loss may be. Grief may also be anticipatory, as when you hear of a loved one’s terminal diagnosis, and you experience grief ahead of an imminent loss. Loss of independence If you’re used to being independent and able to move around as and when you please, losing your independence when you have an accident and become disabled, for instance, can trigger a grief response. You are losing the life [...]

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When and How to Leave a Toxic Relationship

When and How to Leave a Toxic Relationship

Angela Yoon, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:31:17+00:00June 12th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Our relationships play a profound role in shaping us as people. In them, we can find our most ardent supporters who challenge us to become the best versions of ourselves and to exceed even our wildest dreams. These people help us to flourish and become the loving and whole human beings that God made us to be, and they are truly a blessing in our lives. It’s also true that relationships aren’t always positive or nurturing. Some relationships are challenging; undermining our self-esteem, sense of competence, and self, diminishing us as persons, and bringing out the worst in us. Such relationships also shape us, and they affect how we view ourselves and our world, negatively impacting our relationships with others, our work or school situation, and much else besides. Not only is it helpful for us to be able to identify the second kind of relationship, but to know when and how to leave such relationships. Identifying a toxic relationship Sometimes we can find ourselves in a terrible situation, and while the people around us know what’s going on, we might be oblivious to what’s going on. Of course, it’s also possible to know that your relationship is toxic but to remain in it because it is familiar or because there seem to be few options and alternatives. It may not seem safe to leave, either. A toxic relationship is marked by a few signs, and these include: Physical violence, such as being assaulted with hands, feet, or an object. This also includes sexual abuse. Verbal, financial, and emotional abuse, including being insulted, threatened, shouted at, undermined, gaslit, manipulated, being taken advantage of. Controlling behavior, including the other person refusing you access to the car keys, always wanting to know where you are, tracking your movements, wanting access to [...]

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Giving the Green Light to Your Emotions: Relationship Advice for Men

Giving the Green Light to Your Emotions: Relationship Advice for Men

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:33:15+00:00June 7th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Relationship Issues|

Facing the unfamiliar can be daunting, precisely because you don’t know what will happen. Not only that, but you don’t know how you’ll react in that situation, or what you’ll discover about yourself. One reason we stick to a routine and often have clearly defined habits is because it makes life predictable and manageable. We know what to expect and when we seek out adventure, it’s on our terms, especially where emotions are concerned. Talking about emotions and giving them the green light can be unfamiliar territory for many men. Some may be familiar because they are socially sanctioned, but others may be harder to pin down and express for a variety of reasons. However, it’s important for the health of their relationships that men come to terms with the entire range of their emotions, and learn how to express them in a healthy way. This article will explore how emotions factor into relationships and the ways men can learn to embrace them for the health of themselves and their relationships. The role of emotions in our lives There is a broad variety of emotions that a person can experience in a single day, let alone a lifetime. If you look at one of those emotion wheels, you will glimpse the bewildering depth of feeling in us. When you watch a well-crafted movie, read a great book, or watch a nail-biting football or basketball game, you can experience a roller coaster of feelings. The fact that we have feelings isn’t an accident. God created in us the capacity to experience the world in many ways. We feel joy, awe, fear, hope, anger, sadness, anxiety, and many other emotions and shades of those emotions. Our emotions function somewhat like an instrument panel. They tell us what we are experiencing, register [...]

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Establishing Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

Establishing Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

Kate Motaung2024-11-27T12:46:40+00:00May 30th, 2024|Anger Issues, Family Counseling, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Professional Development, Psychological Testing, Relationship Issues|

Healthy relationships consist of equal respect and honor. But sometimes, we are not clear on our expectations at the beginning of a relationship, which can cause issues later. Creating healthy boundaries in relationships lets your significant other know what you need and feel comfortable doing. If you started dating your spouse at a very young age before you knew yourself, setting boundaries now can feel awkward. As a result, your spouse may feel as if you are pushing them away. In this case, you may want to recruit the help of a couples counselor. What are Boundaries in Relationships? Boundaries in relationships are necessary to maintain independence and self-reliance. However, when boundaries become blurred, the give-or-take aspect of the relationship is no longer balanced. For example, if you don’t like your spouse to show public displays of affection, but he continues to do things that make you feel uncomfortable, you will eventually withdraw from your spouse or have an argument. However, you could have avoided a fight if you had discussed how you felt about public touching including what he wants and what makes you uncomfortable. Setting clear boundaries at the beginning of a relationship is recommended, but it is never too late to voice your needs and wants. This also means that you should consider your spouse’s needs and wants. For example, if you like to hold hands in public, but your spouse does not can you respect his wishes? A counselor can help you draw boundaries in relationships. You can set healthy boundaries for more than just the physical aspect of your relationship. The emotional, mental, material, and sexual elements are all areas you should be clear on what you will allow and the non-negotiable things that are deal breakers in your eyes. Examples of Boundaries in Relationships [...]

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Procrastination and Mental Health: Finding Support

Procrastination and Mental Health: Finding Support

Angela Yoon, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:31:29+00:00May 21st, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

At some time or another, anyone can struggle to push themselves through an unwanted or difficult assignment or task. However, people with mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, and ADHD, are far more likely to struggle with procrastination than someone without these issues. Research has shown that procrastination is both a cause and a result of stress, particularly for those with a mental health diagnosis of ADHD, anxiety, or depression. Procrastination and ADHD Procrastination and ADHD are often linked together. People with ADHD are more likely to procrastinate than those without ADHD. There are a few reasons for this. Distractibility People with ADHD are easily distracted, making it difficult to stay focused on a task. This can lead to procrastination, as people with ADHD may find it hard to get started on a task or to stay on track once they start. Impulsivity People with ADHD are often impulsive, which can lead to them making decisions without thinking about the consequences. This can also lead to procrastination, as people with ADHD may be more likely to put off tasks until the last minute. Low frustration tolerance People with ADHD often have low frustration tolerance, which can make it difficult to stick with a task that is challenging or boring. This can also lead to procrastination, as people with ADHD may be more likely to give up on a task before they finish it. If someone has ADHD, there are some skills they can build to overcome procrastination. For example, breaking down tasks into smaller steps can make tasks seem less daunting and more manageable. Likewise, setting deadlines can help a person to stay on track and avoid procrastination. Other tips include finding a quiet place to work helps focus and avoids distractions and taking breaks to stay refreshed [...]

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Why Couples Seek Premarital Counseling

Why Couples Seek Premarital Counseling

Kate Motaung2024-11-27T12:46:55+00:00April 23rd, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Premarital counseling is one way to intentionally evaluate your compatibility with your future spouse. Even if you and your significant other get along great with few squabbles, premarital counseling provides a safe environment for you to open up about concerns and practice conflict resolution and communication skills. Why seek premarital counseling? Often, couples rush into a relationship, never stopping to ask the important questions, such as: How well do we communicate? How do we deal with conflict? Do we want to have children? If so, how many and when? What are our expectations for sex and emotional intimacy? Where will we live? How will we engage with extended family, and what boundaries will we set? How do our personal goals fit in with our relationship? What are areas in our life where we are rigid, and where are we flexible? How will we manage finances? How do we align in our values and religious beliefs? Premarital counseling opens the door to these discussions and uncovers possible hurdles. It allows you to work out problems before they occur and prepare for future conflicts. Armed with conflict resolution strategies, you can remind each other about finding a solution and defusing a potential argument before it gets out of hand. Choosing Christian premarital counseling will combine faith-based principles with the researched-backed methods of Psychology. Marriage expectations How you were raised may influence what you expect in your own marriage. For example, do you expect your spouse to do most of the housework because you work full-time? Do you expect to have sex most nights of the week? When arguing, will you resort to what your mother may have done and storm out of the house or slam the doors? Perhaps you have an ideal of marriage regarding your spouse. Maybe you expect [...]

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How to Have and Handle Healthy Expectations in A Relationship

How to Have and Handle Healthy Expectations in A Relationship

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:33:25+00:00April 12th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Building a healthy relationship takes time, care, and a lot of effort. One area where couples often struggle is in managing their expectations. Your expectations are about what kind of behavior or attitudes you desire to see come to pass in the future. Depending on the kinds of expectations you have, you can either nurture your relationship or put it under strain. Should you have expectations in a relationship? Depending on one’s experiences, some believe that you shouldn’t expect anything from a romantic partner in a relationship. There are several reasons for this, some of which are helpful, but others aren’t so much. One unhelpful reason to avoid expectations is to avoid being let down. Past experiences may lead to the conclusion that having expectations simply means leaving yourself vulnerable to disappointment. A potentially helpful reason to avoid expectations is that they can end up putting your partner under pressure and undermining the health of the relationship. Of course, one could say that sometimes people have unreasonable expectations, and those can cause serious problems in a relationship. We all have expectations - the question is whether your expectations are reasonable or not. Fear of disappointment shouldn’t lead you to ditch expectations altogether, especially if your expectations touch the needs you have. If your needs aren’t being met in the relationship, something isn’t right and should be addressed. Reasonable expectations, far from hindering a relationship, can help it thrive and help keep you both accountable. Clear and reasonable expectations help to support and nurture healthy relationships. No relationship is perfect, but if you aim for a relationship that’s “good enough,” one that keeps a good balance between reasonable and high expectations while being aware of unreasonable expectations, you can form a healthy and well-rounded partnership. Healthy expectations function to ensure [...]

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Using Christian Meditation to Reduce Stress

Using Christian Meditation to Reduce Stress

Kate Motaung2024-12-19T10:31:13+00:00March 27th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Spiritual Development|

Life is full of stressors. From work pressures to family challenges, personal anxieties, and life changes, the list of things that cause stress can feel endless. While we often hear suggestions for managing these stressors, it can be hard to put them into place. Often, these things feel like one more thing to add to an overwhelming list. Instead of focusing on a big list of things to change, you can start with one thing. Simply start small. You don’t need to make sweeping changes all at once. Those often don’t work because they are too difficult to maintain. Instead, you can choose one thing and implement it slowly. The results may not be immediate, but they are more likely to last. Meditation is a great skill to begin introducing into your life to manage and reduce the effects of stress. Meditation is a way to “be still and know that I am God” (Ps. 46:10). What is meditation? There are a lot of misconceptions about meditation. Upon hearing the word meditation, people have preconceived notions about what it is without having any personal experience or education about it. The simplest concept of meditation is a settling of the mind. While meditation can involve deeper ideas like awareness, mindfulness, training, perspective, and clarity, all these ideas go back to the root concept of intentionally settling one’s mind. Does meditation align with Christian beliefs? Meditation is used in many cultures and religions. This has sometimes caused people to be concerned about Christians using meditation. When people consider how a different culture or faith tradition uses meditation, it may not align with Christian beliefs. However, when we take the definition of meditation described above and use it in a context that applies to being a Christ-follower, we discover that it supports [...]

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