Men’s Issues Archives | Green Lake Christian Counseling

Relationship Advice for Men: Strengthening Your Marriage Against Infidelity

Relationship Advice for Men: Strengthening Your Marriage Against Infidelity

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2025-06-11T06:05:46+00:00June 11th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Relationship Issues|

Relationships are a key part of our lives. Having people to love and people who love us is one of the main things that indicate our well-being. That’s because relationships are fundamental to who we are as social and relational beings. When our relationships are healthy, it’s more likely that we feel a sense of well-being than when everything else is in order and our relationships are in disarray. This makes it imperative to nurture our relationships. When your relationships are healthy and you have people with whom to share life, it can amplify various life experiences such as accomplishing something significant, enjoying yourself, laughing, having a great meal, or having a sense of meaning and purpose. When you feel deeply connected to others, you’ll likely carry a sense of meaning and that life has a purpose. Marriage is among the most intimate of human relationships. You share your life, thoughts, hopes, dreams, ambitions, fears, body, finances, home, and children with the person you call “spouse”. Sharing your life with another person is an amazing journey that can also be fraught with perils. Infidelity is one of the ways a marriage can come under threat. Understanding what infidelity is and how to guard against it is vital. Breaking Down Infidelity If you were to ask a group of ten guys how they would define infidelity, it’s possible you’d get at least 5 different answers to that question. In our society, people have drawn personal boundaries in diverse places, and how one man understands certain practices won’t be the same as another man’s understanding. One man might not think watching pornography is problematic, while another does, for example. In one sense, defining infidelity will be a matter of what personal boundaries one has. This makes it vital that you and your [...]

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The Presence of Self-Contempt in Your Story

The Presence of Self-Contempt in Your Story

Noah Cordrey, Kate Motaung2025-05-31T09:28:47+00:00June 2nd, 2025|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Pornography Addiction, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Addiction, Trauma|

In a previous article on shame and self-contempt, I provided a broad definition of self-contempt and gave a brief description of what it is and how it functions. If you haven’t given that article a read, I’d recommend it as I will be building on some already-established ideas about the reality of self-contempt. The goal is to narrow the focus and move our attention more specifically to self-contempt and how it shows up in the story of your life. As we explore this topic, I hope that you, the reader, will be more equipped to identify the presence of self-contempt in your own story without judgment. I hope that your curiosity will be stirred as you begin to consider questions such as, “How did I come to feel this way about myself?” “Why do I treat my body or my heart this way?” “What has shaped my beliefs about myself?” or “Is this how God views me?” In my interactions with clients and through my healing journey, I have found that self-contempt frequently resides in the subconscious realm of our awareness. This realm of our awareness is easily accessible. More often than not, things that reside in this area come to the surface without us being fully cognizant of them. This is to say that much of our self-contempt and what we believe about ourselves reside in a place that is accessible, just outside of our conscious awareness. Self-Contempt Defined In my previous article, I gave a somewhat wordy definition of self-contempt: “Self-contempt is to have contempt (the feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn) or loathing for oneself and one’s actions. In other words, it is to have the feeling or belief that you, or a part of you, is worthless, [...]

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When Shame and Self-contempt Show Up

When Shame and Self-contempt Show Up

Noah Cordrey, Kate Motaung2025-05-17T11:22:25+00:00May 19th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Sexual Addiction, Trauma|

Psychiatrist Curt Thompson, in his book entitled The Soul of Desire, writes, “Evil’s intention for our space and time is very different than the creation of beauty, and it is difficult to resist its attempts to get a foothold. Evil intends not only to cut us off from God and each other; it intends to annihilate beauty and tempts us to do the same in our response to shame and fear.” In the work of engaging the story of your life, you will inevitably come across moments and memories that will provoke you toward feeling shame and self-contempt. This is especially true if you have experienced trauma. Even if you have not experienced trauma, this is true due to the reality of living in a broken and fallen world. The impact of shame and self-contempt is an indicator that everything is not as it is meant to be. Shame and Self-Contempt Defined What is shame? Shame is the painful emotional experience of humiliation and distress caused by the realization of “I’ve done something wrong.” Being ashamed is the internalization of this humiliation and distress, which changes the narrative from “I’ve done something wrong” to “I am bad for doing this.” In other words, to be ashamed is to internalize the humiliation as a means of coping with the emotional distress produced in or through the given situation. Shame typically expresses itself through little sentences that we say about ourselves, such as, “I’m so stupid for doing that” or “I’m not attractive enough to date him or her.” Whether these resonate with you or not, the point is that we all have our own versions of these types of sentences that run through our minds. It is a way to cope with the emotional pain and helplessness that come from experiencing [...]

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Fury Within: Understanding Intense Anger

Fury Within: Understanding Intense Anger

Noah Cordrey, Kate Motaung2025-03-14T07:00:35+00:00March 14th, 2025|Anger Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Pornography Addiction|

What have you been taught about anger? Perhaps anger has been described to you as a monster that lives on the inside. Somewhere deep down where nobody else is supposed to see it: a monster that rears its head when stress or anxiety are at their peak, when a friend or relative disrespects you in front of others, or when you are deeply frustrated that you’re still struggling with the same issue despite asking God numerous times to take it away. Maybe you have come to picture anger as something you’re supposed to keep in a tightly sealed bottle. A bottle kept far away from sunlight and other people out of fear that if you begin to lift the lid, it could wreak havoc in your own heart and your relationships. Do you ever feel like you have a monster living on the inside? What do you do when you sense that monster coming to the surface? Anger is an incredibly valuable emotion. It communicates to us that there is a need for something to move or for something to change in us and our surroundings. It tells us when a personal boundary has been crossed as well as when we have experienced a sense of injustice. In most instances, our bodies produce physical symptoms in response to feeling intense anger. For example, you’re eating dinner with your family, and your father begins to openly criticize you for your performance in your most recent baseball game. As he speaks, your jaw starts to clench, your shoulders start to tighten, and you want to yell at him to stop. Or you’re out with a group of friends and one of them starts bad-mouthing a friend of yours who isn’t present. Your stomach begins to tighten, your brow furrows, your face [...]

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Signs of Social Anxiety and How to Navigate It

Signs of Social Anxiety and How to Navigate It

Miranda Otsuka, Kate Motaung2025-02-24T03:38:48+00:00February 24th, 2025|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Women’s Issues|

Some individuals are the life of the party, at ease in a social setting. They seem to relish telling stories that are engaging and keep the crowd enthralled. From the outside, it seems as though they interact with others effortlessly. However, for many people, it’s normal to feel a little nervous or awkward in social settings. It’s expected to feel at least some nervousness in social settings, such as if you’re about to get interviewed for a job or when you’re going on a date, at a party with people you don’t know, or when you’re giving an important speech or presentation. Each person’s comfort level in social situations will vary. It depends on factors such as their life experiences and personality traits. Some people are naturally reserved wallflowers, while others – the social butterflies – are more outgoing. While nervousness in social situations is normal and tends to pass quickly, some forms of social anxiety go beyond this. When a person has social anxiety disorder, which is also called social phobia, they experience more than feelings of shyness or discomfort. Rather, everyday interactions make them feel extremely self-conscious, causing significant anxiety and embarrassment. They are fearful of scrutiny or being judged negatively by others. The fear and anxiety that flows from social phobia leads to avoiding social situations. It can disrupt a person’s life and affect their relationships, daily routines, work, school, sports, or other social activities. What is social anxiety? Social anxiety is more than just feeling shy around people. It names a long-term and overwhelming fear of social situations that doesn’t go away. It affects a person’s everyday activities, self-confidence, relationships, and work or school life. While many people will have some nervousness about social situations, a person with social anxiety will feel overly worried before, [...]

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What is Insecure Avoidant Attachment?

What is Insecure Avoidant Attachment?

Noah Cordrey, Kate Motaung2024-12-20T11:33:09+00:00October 22nd, 2024|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

Take a moment to think back on yourself as a child. Think about your relationships with your parents or caregivers. What were they like? Did you feel safe and secure around them? Was your heart met with delight? Were your desires honored with curiosity and healthy discipline? Did they attune to you when you were upset or crying? Did they comfort you and bring you back to a calm or regulated place? Insecure-avoidant attachment defined To ask the question, “What is insecure-avoidant attachment?” is to engage these core areas and narratives around desire, delight, safety, attunement, and curiosity. More specifically, it is to engage these core places where the need was not fully met by a parent or caregiver. To have an avoidant attachment is to ultimately avoid the need or desire for dependence on anyone. It is what it sounds like: avoiding attachment altogether. However, the avoidance doesn’t simply end there. People with an avoidant attachment style have learned over time to make themselves distant from their own emotions, wants, and desires. As we will see in this article, this behavior is not random. Meaning, the process of avoiding attachment has been shaped, molded, and formed through repeated interactions. It is a narrative embedded in a person’s beliefs about themselves and about how they navigate wanting intimacy in their relationships. And this is the narrative: “I am alone and on my own. I cannot depend on anyone to meet my needs.” It is an embodied narrative of deep loneliness, despair, and a longing to be seen and known. It is an internal state that is marked by abandonment and suppressed desire which can be traced back to childhood. How it comes about As we develop from infancy to childhood and into adulthood, we start in a vulnerable place. [...]

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Giving the Green Light to Your Emotions: Relationship Advice for Men

Giving the Green Light to Your Emotions: Relationship Advice for Men

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:33:15+00:00June 7th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Relationship Issues|

Facing the unfamiliar can be daunting, precisely because you don’t know what will happen. Not only that, but you don’t know how you’ll react in that situation, or what you’ll discover about yourself. One reason we stick to a routine and often have clearly defined habits is because it makes life predictable and manageable. We know what to expect and when we seek out adventure, it’s on our terms, especially where emotions are concerned. Talking about emotions and giving them the green light can be unfamiliar territory for many men. Some may be familiar because they are socially sanctioned, but others may be harder to pin down and express for a variety of reasons. However, it’s important for the health of their relationships that men come to terms with the entire range of their emotions, and learn how to express them in a healthy way. This article will explore how emotions factor into relationships and the ways men can learn to embrace them for the health of themselves and their relationships. The role of emotions in our lives There is a broad variety of emotions that a person can experience in a single day, let alone a lifetime. If you look at one of those emotion wheels, you will glimpse the bewildering depth of feeling in us. When you watch a well-crafted movie, read a great book, or watch a nail-biting football or basketball game, you can experience a roller coaster of feelings. The fact that we have feelings isn’t an accident. God created in us the capacity to experience the world in many ways. We feel joy, awe, fear, hope, anger, sadness, anxiety, and many other emotions and shades of those emotions. Our emotions function somewhat like an instrument panel. They tell us what we are experiencing, register [...]

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What Depression Feels Like and How to Cope

What Depression Feels Like and How to Cope

Kate Motaung2024-11-27T12:48:22+00:00October 30th, 2023|Depression, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Women’s Issues|

Depression comes in many forms. It can be caused by brain circuitry, an imbalance of brain chemicals, trauma, uncontrollable life events, genetics, or family history. What depression feels like is a persistent sadness that envelops you and alters your thoughts and emotions. It leaves you fatigued and often isolated. Depression is diagnosed by professionals using the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), 5th Edition from the American Psychiatric Association. A licensed mental health care provider reviews assessments, symptoms, length, and quantity of depressive episodes to make a diagnosis and suggest treatment. Below is a list of several common depression disorders. If you suspect you or a loved one suffers from depression, reach out for help today. Severe depression can lead to thoughts of suicide. Atypical depression. Atypical depression begins at a younger age than other depressive disorders. You are at a higher risk of developing atypical depression if your family history includes people with depression or bipolar disorder. People who abuse alcohol or drugs may also develop this type of depression. Atypical depression is marked by depressive states that lift with a positive event or good news. However, this lift is only temporary. It may seem as if your thoughts and emotions default to depression, and the only relief you have is when something good noticeably happens. Since this depression tries to override other emotions, you must be aware of your thoughts and behaviors. Suicidal thoughts can intrude. Fatigue and a heaviness in your arms and legs can weigh you down and make you sleepy. Your sleep patterns can change, making you sleep more. As hormones shift, your appetite may increase, leading to weight gain, which can lower your self-esteem and make you self-conscious in front of others. People struggling with atypical depression cannot handle criticism effectively [...]

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