Meluleki Ncube, Green Lake Christian Counseling

Strategies for Diffusing Bipolar Rage

Strategies for Diffusing Bipolar Rage

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2025-10-17T06:18:03+00:00October 17th, 2025|Anger Issues, Bipolar Disorder, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Bipolar disorder, formerly known as manic depression, is a mood disorder that affects how you feel and react to your environment, as well as how you relate to others. It is characterized by dramatic mood swings between manic highs and depressive lows. These mood swings can disrupt your life, the life of your loved ones, and make you feel as though you are living on an emotional rollercoaster over which you have no control. What are bipolar cycles? During the manic cycle of bipolar disorder, your confidence tends to soar, and you may have an exaggerated sense of well-being. Your thoughts race, you feel wired, your energy level may be so high you can’t stop moving or doing, and you don’t get much sleep. Lack of sleep can, in turn, impair your judgment and lead you to make unwise decisions such as going on a buying spree or making foolish investments. At first, you may enjoy the feelings of euphoria and the ability to be more productive this cycle brings, but it will end with an emotional crash when the pendulum swings to the depressive side, and your highs are turned into lows. During the depressive cycle, you are likely to withdraw and to feel lethargic, hopeless, sad, worthless, apathetic, and disinterested in activities you normally enjoy. You may also feel fatigued, have trouble sleeping or sleep too much, find it difficult to think straight, and even contemplate suicide. What is bipolar rage? Although anger isn’t a symptom of bipolar disorder per se, irritability is. People with bipolar disorder seem to be more vulnerable to extreme responses, such as impulsive, irrational outbursts, than are people who don’t have the disorder. Bipolar rage is impetuous, intense, erratic, and volatile. Little things, like being asked a simple question, may make you [...]

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Does He Have a Fear of Commitment?

Does He Have a Fear of Commitment?

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2025-08-09T08:34:02+00:00August 11th, 2025|Couples Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues|

Commitment is the only way to make a relationship work in the long term. Yet, many people cannot seem to give themselves 100% to another person. They have a fear of commitment and being vulnerable. But what does the Bible say about commitment and marriage? How can we decipher if our significant other is the one? We can look for clues as to whether he has a fear of commitment. What is the fear of commitment? Commitment is defined as being dedicated to a cause or restricting behaviors and actions in an attempt to uphold that decision. (Oxford Languages Dictionary) For example, we have relationships, family, church, and work commitments. We dedicate ourselves to a particular person, company, place, obligation, or faith and stand by the commitment. Why does it seem like people have difficulty committing to relationships, and how do you know if your significant other harbors a fear of commitment? The reasons for the fear of commitment vary. It could stem from one’s childhood, modeling one’s parents’ tumultuous relationship as something he does not want for himself. He could have experienced heartbreak from a past relationship, which makes him wary of putting in the emotional work for a healthy relationship. He might not be emotionally mature enough for a serious relationship yet. If he jumps too quickly into an engagement or marriage with a fear of commitment, the chances of a breakup or divorce are greater. Marriage is a union modeled after our relationship with God. God asks us to be faithful to Him (loyalty to the One and Only God). He asks us to forsake all others and commit to Him and His purpose and calling for our lives. The relationship you have with your spouse should be the same. But if your husband still fears [...]

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Relationship Advice for Men: Strengthening Your Marriage Against Infidelity

Relationship Advice for Men: Strengthening Your Marriage Against Infidelity

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2025-06-11T06:05:46+00:00June 11th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Relationship Issues|

Relationships are a key part of our lives. Having people to love and people who love us is one of the main things that indicate our well-being. That’s because relationships are fundamental to who we are as social and relational beings. When our relationships are healthy, it’s more likely that we feel a sense of well-being than when everything else is in order and our relationships are in disarray. This makes it imperative to nurture our relationships. When your relationships are healthy and you have people with whom to share life, it can amplify various life experiences such as accomplishing something significant, enjoying yourself, laughing, having a great meal, or having a sense of meaning and purpose. When you feel deeply connected to others, you’ll likely carry a sense of meaning and that life has a purpose. Marriage is among the most intimate of human relationships. You share your life, thoughts, hopes, dreams, ambitions, fears, body, finances, home, and children with the person you call “spouse”. Sharing your life with another person is an amazing journey that can also be fraught with perils. Infidelity is one of the ways a marriage can come under threat. Understanding what infidelity is and how to guard against it is vital. Breaking Down Infidelity If you were to ask a group of ten guys how they would define infidelity, it’s possible you’d get at least 5 different answers to that question. In our society, people have drawn personal boundaries in diverse places, and how one man understands certain practices won’t be the same as another man’s understanding. One man might not think watching pornography is problematic, while another does, for example. In one sense, defining infidelity will be a matter of what personal boundaries one has. This makes it vital that you and your [...]

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Common Ways Abandonment Trauma Affects Relationships

Common Ways Abandonment Trauma Affects Relationships

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2025-09-26T13:01:54+00:00May 2nd, 2025|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

It would be impossible to get through life without ever once experiencing abandonment trauma or rejection. This universal experience is a tool that shapes us for better or worse, usually for worse. Sometimes we experience abandonment to such a degree that we are forever affected. Our first step to healing from abandonment trauma is to take some time to self-reflect and notice how abandonment trauma is affecting our relationships. From there, we can begin addressing these issues individually to free ourselves from the fear of further rejection. Peeling Back the Layers When we get a physical injury, we tend to protect the part of us that hurts instinctively. We might shy away from treatment because of the pain it causes, even though we understand that things might have to feel worse before they feel better. Emotional trauma is exactly like this, too. When we experience something painful or dangerous in childhood, such as abuse, neglect, or abandonment, our young brains instinctively shield us from the brunt of the pain. We tend to shy away from situations that would cause further harm. For example, if we got into physical danger because no adult was supervising what we were doing, we might learn to distrust adults because they seem not to care about us. From that one experience, we might learn to be self-sufficient and independent, engaging in dangerous activities secretly because we became convinced that adults didn’t care what we were doing. As we grow up, we carry childhood experiences within, often buried deeply in our subconscious. The neglected child learned that there would be no adult supervision to keep him from harm, and as an adult, he believes that no one truly cares what harm might befall him. He has become self-sufficient and independent to the point of being [...]

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Food for Anxiety: What’s Eating You? (And What You Should Eat!)

Food for Anxiety: What’s Eating You? (And What You Should Eat!)

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2024-12-16T03:21:56+00:00December 16th, 2024|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Anxiety is real and it’s no respecter of persons. It’s that gnawing little pest that sneaks up on you when you least expect it, like a toddler with a permanent marker near your freshly painted walls. Anxiety may be real and frustrating and even life-altering, but it doesn’t get the final say over your life! There are many strategies you can implement to help attack the anxiety that plagues you, but one that is often overlooked is also one of the simplest to put into action: your dinner plate. In this article, we’ll look at healthy food for anxiety and how it can help. What is anxiety, anyway? Anxiety can make your thoughts race, your heart pound, and try to convince you that the worst-case scenario about why your boss called a meeting is true. Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) can make this a daily reality, affecting everything from your sleep to your relationships. The world tells us to medicate or meditate – both of which can help – but did you know that there’s a divine design to what we eat and how it affects how we feel? Let’s dive in! (And don’t worry, there’s dark chocolate ahead!) Food for Anxiety Before you roll your eyes and think, “Great! More Stuff I can’t eat,” let me assure you – this isn’t a conversation about diet restrictions. This is about freedom! Yes, freedom! Galatians 5:1 says, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” Freedom from the worry that stalks your brain at 3 AM. Freedom from anxiety that makes you want to wear your blanket like a cape all day. And believe it or not, part of that freedom might just come from your grocery cart. So, what food for anxiety should you eat when it feels [...]

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Rewriting History: Overcoming Depression’s Legacy in a Family

Rewriting History: Overcoming Depression’s Legacy in a Family

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2024-12-07T04:38:50+00:00December 9th, 2024|Depression, Featured, Individual Counseling|

We can see the fingerprints of our Father’s grace in the pages of scripture. God’s family story begins in Genesis when He formed Adam from earth’s dust and continues to the end of Revelations. God continues to extend righteousness and truth in our world today, just as He did with the families noted in Scripture. The enemy also seeks to work through the generations (Psalm 100:5) through cycles of sin and dysfunction. He causes us to repeat the patterns of those who preceded us to destroy the destiny of those who come after. Deconstructing Devastation When we consider his evil intentions, we must recognize that some of the trauma imposed in our lives was designed to destroy us and the families we love. Each family’s trauma history will vary, but the unresolved pain that results in depression and other mental health challenges universally disrupts our lives. We can plug in our own family’s unique variables and still find a common element; every family in humanity encounters suffering at some point. The odds we thought we’d beaten appear again, and hopelessness hits close to home. Despite the war waged against our bloodlines, our faith cuts its teeth in darkness and despair. It locks its jaw, sinking a bite into the promises of God. When grounded in the Word, faith refuses to cut our families off from God’s goodness, despite every ominous threat. We may feel like abandoning ship, but God has anchored a hope within that keeps us and those connected to us from detaching from His purpose (Hebrews 6:19). Inevitably, storms will rage and impact us differently, but God remains steady, enabling us to weather impassible waters with Him. It’s bewildering how quickly trouble can spiral in our lives. It’s often in hindsight that we see God’s plan working together. [...]

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It’s More Than Sweet Talk: 9 Tips for Healthy Communication in Marriage

It’s More Than Sweet Talk: 9 Tips for Healthy Communication in Marriage

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:33:04+00:00August 8th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

One of the biggest tools for having a long-lasting marriage is the tool of communication. Understanding how to talk to your spouse is the key to creating a relationship that works to overcome any situation. Communication in marriage is not something that just happens. It takes a willingness to listen before speaking. God’s Word leads us in how to be good communicators in our marriage. It is up to us to apply those instructions. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. – Ephesians 4:29, NIV Communication is not just about words. It also can be exhibited in your actions. That is why it is important to make sure your actions reflect the love you have for your spouse. When does communication affect marriage? This may seem like a needless question, but the reality is many people are not familiar with when communication affects their marriage. They may not realize that what they have said was hurtful because they were just joking. All too often people harmlessly say things not knowing how their spouse will react to what is said. Understanding how communication in marriage creates a partnership will help you learn to monitor what you say before you say it. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. – Proverbs 15:1, NIV When there are unspoken expectations It can be wonderful when we know what each other is thinking. Then there are those times when we don’t realize that others don’t have a clue what we are thinking. When this happens, we find that we have set an expectation for an answer or an action that our spouse doesn’t realize [...]

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Giving the Green Light to Your Emotions: Relationship Advice for Men

Giving the Green Light to Your Emotions: Relationship Advice for Men

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:33:15+00:00June 7th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Relationship Issues|

Facing the unfamiliar can be daunting, precisely because you don’t know what will happen. Not only that, but you don’t know how you’ll react in that situation, or what you’ll discover about yourself. One reason we stick to a routine and often have clearly defined habits is because it makes life predictable and manageable. We know what to expect and when we seek out adventure, it’s on our terms, especially where emotions are concerned. Talking about emotions and giving them the green light can be unfamiliar territory for many men. Some may be familiar because they are socially sanctioned, but others may be harder to pin down and express for a variety of reasons. However, it’s important for the health of their relationships that men come to terms with the entire range of their emotions, and learn how to express them in a healthy way. This article will explore how emotions factor into relationships and the ways men can learn to embrace them for the health of themselves and their relationships. The role of emotions in our lives There is a broad variety of emotions that a person can experience in a single day, let alone a lifetime. If you look at one of those emotion wheels, you will glimpse the bewildering depth of feeling in us. When you watch a well-crafted movie, read a great book, or watch a nail-biting football or basketball game, you can experience a roller coaster of feelings. The fact that we have feelings isn’t an accident. God created in us the capacity to experience the world in many ways. We feel joy, awe, fear, hope, anger, sadness, anxiety, and many other emotions and shades of those emotions. Our emotions function somewhat like an instrument panel. They tell us what we are experiencing, register [...]

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How to Have and Handle Healthy Expectations in A Relationship

How to Have and Handle Healthy Expectations in A Relationship

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:33:25+00:00April 12th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Building a healthy relationship takes time, care, and a lot of effort. One area where couples often struggle is in managing their expectations. Your expectations are about what kind of behavior or attitudes you desire to see come to pass in the future. Depending on the kinds of expectations you have, you can either nurture your relationship or put it under strain. Should you have expectations in a relationship? Depending on one’s experiences, some believe that you shouldn’t expect anything from a romantic partner in a relationship. There are several reasons for this, some of which are helpful, but others aren’t so much. One unhelpful reason to avoid expectations is to avoid being let down. Past experiences may lead to the conclusion that having expectations simply means leaving yourself vulnerable to disappointment. A potentially helpful reason to avoid expectations is that they can end up putting your partner under pressure and undermining the health of the relationship. Of course, one could say that sometimes people have unreasonable expectations, and those can cause serious problems in a relationship. We all have expectations - the question is whether your expectations are reasonable or not. Fear of disappointment shouldn’t lead you to ditch expectations altogether, especially if your expectations touch the needs you have. If your needs aren’t being met in the relationship, something isn’t right and should be addressed. Reasonable expectations, far from hindering a relationship, can help it thrive and help keep you both accountable. Clear and reasonable expectations help to support and nurture healthy relationships. No relationship is perfect, but if you aim for a relationship that’s “good enough,” one that keeps a good balance between reasonable and high expectations while being aware of unreasonable expectations, you can form a healthy and well-rounded partnership. Healthy expectations function to ensure [...]

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How to Talk About Intimacy Issues

How to Talk About Intimacy Issues

Meluleki Ncube, Kate Motaung2024-11-14T12:33:38+00:00March 22nd, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

One of the hardest things to talk about in a relationship is intimacy issues. You can be the best of friends with your spouse, be open about everything else, and feel that you have no secrets. And yet, in the bedroom, people shut down. It becomes almost impossible to talk about what is going on. Even if there is mutual respect and a desire for both partners to find sex enjoyable, intimacy issues silence even the most attentive of partners. Is it because sex is just so intimate? It involves the core of who people are. It is not just an act of reproduction. If it were, why would there be so many nerve endings and emotions and heightened senses involved? God could have left the joy and fun out of sex, but He didn’t. Before the fall, man and woman were naked and unashamed, and that may well have included sex. Our country does not talk about sex. We treat it like a bad thing to be left in the bedroom. The church does not teach young people about their bodies, or how to approach intimacy openly. Premarital counseling often does not get into intimacy and how to figure out what makes both people tick. Men are left to porn to answer their questions. Women live in a culture rife with messaging that their needs don’t matter, sex is not about them, and their bodies are somehow bad things. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. – Genesis 2:24 God created sex to be the union of two people. The human body reacts and functions the way it does because God made it that way. He made the woman’s form to take time, [...]

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