Noah Cordrey

“Because separation is a clearcut and undeniable event, its effects on the child and the parent-child relationship were easier to document than more subtle influences of parental and familial interaction.” – Inge Bretherton reporting on John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth’s work with Attachment Theory As the quote above suggests, to experience abandonment implies a separation, specifically in the parent-child relationship, that is clear-cut and undeniable. To be abandoned leaves a specific kind of mark on the soul which points to a particular, distinguishable moment. More simply, if you have experienced abandonment, you will know it. To discuss the reality of being or feeling abandoned is to also talk about one’s attachment style – or style of relating – which has been first and foremost influenced by our relationships with our parents. Abandonment issues have everything to do with how we attach or don’t attach, relationally to others. In this article, we will look at eight signs or symptoms that point to underlying abandonment issues in relationships. 1. An Internal Struggle with Fear Insecurity Regarding Relationships In the realm of attachment, a child is looking to their parents to be seen, safe, soothed, and secure. At a fundamental level, the child is unable to provide these things for him/herself and must rely on their mother or father for such care. However, if the child’s parent or caregiver is unable to provide these things, this creates a state of internal panic for the child. The child learns that their caregiver is ultimately unreliable, and he/she must make a decision: “I will separate myself from my caregiver and get my needs met elsewhere”, or “I will adjust myself to mom or dad and care for their needs, in the hopes that once they’re ok I can then get my needs met.” From [...]