8 Types of Loneliness and How to Navigate Them

Loneliness is an emotional experience characterized often by sadness, desire, longing, and the belief that says, “I am alone in this world.” In many ways, this can be a devastating experience for the heart and mind. Universally, it is true that we were made for connection to ourselves, God, and others.

However, despite living in one of the most connected ages where most people are only a phone call or text message away, this is also one of the loneliest and most isolating times. How can this be? If we desperately want to be connected relationally, then why does it sometimes feel so hard to achieve?

Loneliness, as an emotional experience, carries nuance. There are different types of loneliness that we can experience throughout our lifetime. Being aware of some of these nuances is a first step in taking action toward being more connected. Today, we will look at eight varieties of loneliness and some ways to practically combat them.

Eight Types of Loneliness

Emotional Loneliness “I have people around me, but no one truly sees me.”

This is a type of loneliness that often leaves you feeling invisible to others, as if when they look in your direction, they see right through you. Along with this type of loneliness comes feelings of deep-rooted bitterness, anger, and resentment at being ignored, overlooked, or unseen.

To navigate this type of loneliness, practicing vulnerability will be an essential part of regaining a sense of emotional connection. People who have experienced emotional loneliness often present themselves as independent, capable, and high-achieving.

They have gone far in their marriage, career, or relationships by being self-reliant. Unfortunately, when a person is self-reliant for so long, they may forget how to let others in. Additionally, a lot of emotional loneliness comes from consistently being there for others while simultaneously finding it difficult to let others be there for you.

Social Loneliness “I have no one to do life with.”

As social creatures, we all have a universal need to be connected to someone and to feel at home somewhere. One of the most common types of loneliness comes from feeling disconnected from everything and everyone. If you are experiencing social loneliness, one way to combat this is to find a community of people that is intentional about social connection and interaction.

Another important element of combating social loneliness is to find emotionally safe people. When we find people to connect with and who help us feel safe, we can come out of our shells and live more authentically.

A good place to start could be to find a local group of people who all have a similar hobby or interest to yours. Connecting over common interests is an excellent way to begin breaking down social barriers. Many times, the hardest part of breaking habits of social isolation and loneliness is simply deciding to show up even when you don’t feel like it.

Choosing to show up time and time again may feel laborious and taxing, and being disciplined through those things will eventually produce the results of knowing others and being known.

New-phase Loneliness “I am going through something new, but I have no one to share the experience with.”

At different points in life, we will encounter transitions. Some of these transitions may feel small, and others may feel monumental. Whether you are a new parent, starting a new job, newly married, or moving to a new city, you are experiencing something you have never gone through before, without any clue how to do it. This can be daunting, but there is much grace for these new experiences!

In these transitional phases, there will be struggles you’ve never had and breakthroughs you never expected. Having someone to walk through these highs and lows with you will help you tremendously. You might find them online or in a support group. Looking for people who have had similar experiences will help you greatly in navigating this transitional chapter.

Time-Dislocation Loneliness “I miss who I used to be.”

The new chapters of life can be sudden and abrupt in their coming, resulting in your life changing drastically in the blink of an eye. Sometimes these changes can be as severe as recovery after a car accident, or having to adjust to a new way of life, like we all did during the COVID-19 pandemic.

In these instances, we are often thrust into a life-altering circumstance and forced to adapt. By the time we can catch our breath, we’ve changed so much that it’s hard to fully comprehend the totality of the event itself.

The process of working through this kind of loneliness takes time and patience. We must integrate our “past” self with our “current” self. Much of this work requires grieving the loss experienced and coming to terms with the fact that things have changed. This kind of work is brave and is not to be done alone. Finding a counselor who is trained in something like Lifespan Integration or EMDR could help you in this process.

Spiritual Loneliness “I don’t know where to go to get what I need.”

Many times, people experience a sense of spiritual loneliness despite not feeling or being lonely in other aspects of their lives. This is arguably the “deepest” form of loneliness. As people, we are frequently motivated and driven by our sense of purpose. For some, their purpose is found in their faith or relationship with God. Others find purpose in their work or career. Underneath either of these lies the reality that we are made in the image of God.

Perhaps loneliness for you is commonly connected to a sense of identity or purpose. Rick Warren wrote a book in 2002 called The Purpose-Driven Life, which seeks to address this question from a Christian perspective. If you’re in the process of discovering or searching for what your purpose on earth is, I would highly recommend giving this book a read.

Modern Loneliness “I’m connected to people, but not in a meaningful way.”

We are living in the age of connection, where every household has multiple devices and means of communication, and, ironically, most of us are lonelier than ever before. You might interact with dozens of people over a week, and yet no amount of online interaction makes you feel less lonely.

In the age of social media and AI, we must once again discover the joy of unplugging and pursuing human interaction. God has wired our brains, hearts, and nervous system for interpersonal relationships with other humans instead of living vicariously through a screen.

This kind of loneliness must be challenged by authentic connection in the absence of technology. We are biologically wired for human-to-human interaction, meaning it’s necessary for our survival. With social media, there will always be another dopamine rush or chance to “see” into another person’s life. However, to combat a sense of modern loneliness, we must remove the veil and reach for one another with pursuit and intentionality.

Here’s a challenge for you: delete your favorite social media app for a month and instead use the time you would’ve spent scrolling to meet up with a friend, or reach out to that person you’ve been meaning to reach out to. I think you’d be pleasantly surprised to see what comes from this simple exchange.

Relational-loss Loneliness “Someone I loved is gone, and I will never be the same.”

Grief and loneliness are siblings who almost always appear together. Death is not the only thing that steals a loved one from your life. You might have lost someone to physical distance; they moved far away and are no longer a physical presence in your life. Maybe you have been through a difficult breakup and are now having to move on without them. Whatever the reason for their absence, life no longer feels the same, and your entire orbit has had to shift.

Navigating this kind of loneliness can become tricky and even confusing emotionally. You may want to remember, but even remembering the person brings a kind of pain. It could be tempting to not remember at all, or move to a place of contempt, depending on the situation.

In this process, grief must be accompanied by honor. Honor for the other person, honor for your own emotional experience, and honor for the reality of loss. Too often, we try to move on from loss without kindness or honor. Grieving a relational loss must come with honoring the reality of what was, and honoring the reality of what is.

Identity Loneliness “No one else is like me.”

Being aware of what sets you apart as unique is often a good and empowering thing. At the same time, loneliness can creep in and prey on a lack of commonality you may feel with others. Finding like-minded people who share common interests is vital for having a quality base of friendships. We are not meant to be living alone.

This is where using the internet to find connections can be a useful thing! Finding people who share similar core values to yourself can begin to break down the lie that you’re alone in life. When we find people who like similar things, loneliness starts to lose its grip on our sense of who we are and where we belong.

So much of our identity lies in wanting to feel like we belong somewhere or with someone. Perhaps the first step for you is to articulate what helps you belong somewhere. From there, you can choose to pursue and seek out people and a community that will help you on your way to belonging.

Next Steps

Throughout life, we must all grapple with the reality of feeling lonely. The good news is that we do not have to remain stuck. Loneliness is something we can overcome! In many cases, it takes discipline, searching, and pursuit if we are to fully take back territory in our hearts. We are made to be relationally connected to others, ourselves, and God. Why not take the step toward addressing loneliness in your life today?

If this is something that you would like to do, we have counselors who are ready and able to walk alongside you in your journey toward healing a wholeness. Take action! Together, we can begin to navigate loneliness with the goal of creating a more authentically connected life.