10 Tips for Parenting Highly Sensitive Children

Highly sensitive children are those whose nervous systems process stimuli more deeply and intensely than the norm, making them supersensitive to their surroundings and easily overwhelmed by the sensations they experience.

In her book, The Highly Sensitive Child, psychologist Elaine Aron depicts highly sensitive children as perceiving more, pondering more, and feeling more in every situation that they quickly reach their limits and the sensory overload becomes more than they can handle.

Common Characteristics of Highly Sensitive Children

Their brains never turn off. Highly sensitive children are acutely tuned in to everything and everyone in their surroundings, and tend to be extremely bright, intuitive, reflective, and insightful. They take in more sensory information from their environment than most other kids do, notice subtle details and nuances that are typically overlooked, process information more thoroughly, and often have an amazing memory and recall of details.

They are easily overwhelmed by sensory stimuli. Highly sensitive children have a more reactive nervous system than the norm, which causes them to experience noise, light, smells, tastes, and textures more intensely than other children do. They have a heightened awareness of subtle details, such as faint sounds, barely perceptible smells, and slight changes in temperature or visual clues that other kids often ignore, which can lead to becoming overstimulated and overwhelmed by these sensations.

They are deeply empathetic. Highly sensitive children can empathize deeply with the emotions of others, pick up on subtle cues in interpersonal dynamics, and are quick to comfort or offer help.

They have an intense need to be in control. Highly sensitive children have a strong sense of caution and consequences, and try to diminish risks by overthinking potential outcomes. They find comfort in predictability, which may lead them to be rigid, inflexible, and resistant to anything new.

In an attempt to protect themselves and make a world that feels out of control more manageable, they can be particular about the way things are done. They can make irrational demands, such as insisting their cereal be in a certain color bowl, refusing to eat unless the food is arranged in a certain way on their plate, dictating where people should sit or how loud the music should be, or throwing a fit if their favorite piece of clothing is not available.

They have low stress tolerance. Highly sensitive children are fearful and cautious of anything outside their comfort zone. They have low tolerance for stress or frustration, are quicker to give up when faced with a challenging task, tend to tire more quickly than other children their age, and need more rest and downtime.

They are highly sensitive to criticism and negative feedback. Highly sensitive children tend to take things more personally. They often feel easily slighted, hurt, or shamed, and misinterpret what others say or do.

They are prone to sudden meltdowns. Highly sensitive children are easily overwhelmed by the stimuli in their environment and quick to feel stressed and bombarded by sensations that other kids may not even notice. What may seem like nothing to an onlooker can be more than they can handle and trigger an intense meltdown.

Tips For Parenting Highly Sensitive Children

Recognize and accept your child’s sensitivity Highly sensitive children have a nervous system that processes stimuli more deeply and intensely than the norm. They respond to nuances in their surroundings that others don’t notice. This often leads to being emotionally overwhelmed. It is not a flaw or a disorder that needs to be treated, but rather a trait that God created them with that leads them to respond uniquely to their environment.

Create a safe space for your child Create a special corner in your home where your child can retreat to when they start feeling overwhelmed. Fill it with comfort items such as a favorite stuffed animal or blanket, noise-reducing headphones, a fidget toy, or a coloring book and crayons.

Encourage prayer and open communication Let your child know it is safe for them to talk to you about their feelings and encourage them to share their concerns with you without fear. Let them know they can talk to God about their concerns as well, and show them how to pray.

Provide understanding and validation Don’t minimize or dismiss your child’s feelings. Highly sensitive children need empathy to thrive. They need to know you value them and that they are not odd or weird for feeling the way they do. Reassure them that they are not strange. Also, don’t pressure them to do things they are not ready to do yet. Being validated helps them feel safe, increases their confidence, and strengthens the bond between you.

Don’t take outbursts personally If your highly sensitive child lashes out at you or says hurtful things, don’t take it personally. They don’t typically mean it literally, but rather it’s their way of letting you know they feel overwhelmed and are struggling to cope. Look for the underlying meaning of the outburst by asking open-ended questions about what triggered their reaction, and then respond to that instead.

Teach your child how to cope with intense emotions Help your child learn how to recognize, label, and name their emotions. Then, teach them healthy ways of handling triggers, such as deep breathing and grounding techniques, or removing themselves from the situation. Set an example by modeling the way you handle your own emotional triggers, talk through possible scenarios, and use role play to practice responding in a healthy way.

Set clear boundaries and expectations Teach your child what is acceptable and what is not okay by establishing clear rules and consequences for breaking them. Boundaries create predictability and stability. They reduce anxiety by helping the child know what to expect ahead of time if they don’t obey them, and giving them a chance to think things through.

Avoid harsh discipline Highly sensitive children’s feelings are easily hurt, and they tend to take correction personally and feel deep shame. They respond better to gentle correction or discussion than to harsh discipline. When correction is needed, do so with care, follow it up with reassurance of how much you love them, and speak positive affirmations over them.

Be patient and remain calm When a highly sensitive child has meltdowns, it is because their brain is being flooded and they are unable to process information. What they need is for you to be a quiet, calming presence until the storm passes. Becoming reactive or revved up will only increase their distress and lead to more out-of-control behavior.

Acknowledge your child’s anguish Wait for them to calm down before doing a reality check and sharing your perspective. Ask for permission before you start, so it does not feel intrusive or overwhelming. It will enable your child to feel in control and be more open to feedback.

Consider counseling Counseling can help you understand and effectively support your child’s unique traits, create a calm and stable home environment, and equip you with effective communication and emotional coaching skills to help build your child’s resilience and ability to cope with triggers, as well as turn their potential challenges into strengths.

Next Steps

If you have questions, need more help than what this article on highly sensitive children could provide, or would like to set up a risk-free appointment to meet with one of the faith-based counselors at our location, please give us a call.