Finding Support When Grieving the Loss of a Parent

The loss of a parent is never easy, no matter what your age. Even if the loss was expected, it’s a finality that nothing can prepare you for. The parent-child bond is one of the most fundamental human connections. Whether your relationship with your parent was close or difficult, you are still always your parent’s child, and he or she will always be a reference point for how you define your sense of self.

When the bond is broken through your parent’s death, it can be a profoundly life-altering experience that impacts your life in many unpredictable ways. Your family dynamics are irrevocably changed, and so are you, as you realize you are now the older generation and ponder your mortality.

Common Emotions Following the Loss of a Parent

You may feel flooded by a multitude of tangled emotions ranging from anguish, fear, abandonment, emptiness, and disbelief to numbness, loneliness, sorrow, and heartache over the things you will miss out on going forward. Even if you were estranged from your parent or your relationship was a rocky one, losing him or her can still bring up powerful feelings such as anger, guilt, remorse, relief, and frustration over issues that can no longer be resolved.

Some of the most commonly felt emotions include:

Sadness Tears may lie close to the surface and be easily triggered by something you see or smell that brings back a memory of your parent, or when, for instance, you reach for the phone to share something with him or her and remember he or she is no longer there.

Anger You may feel angry with your parent for leaving you, with God for allowing it to happen, or even with yourself for not doing something you think you could or should have done that might have prevented their demise

Guilt and remorse You may wish things had played out differently, that you had spent more time with them, or that you could unsay or undo hurtful things you said or did. You may also feel guilt or remorse over conversations that never took place that should have, arguments that were left unresolved, and regret over no longer being able to make amends.

Longing The absence of your parent at significant life events such as holiday get-togethers and celebrations, or special milestone moments you expected them to be there for, such as your high school graduation, wedding, or the birth of your first child, can lead to intense feelings of longing and yearning for their presence.

Tips to Help You Heal From Your Grief

Allow yourself to grieve Grieving is an essential part of healing. Allow yourself to grieve in your own way, at your own pace, and avoid comparing your grief experience with that of anyone else. There is no timetable or right or wrong way to do it. The only wrong way is to not allow yourself to grieve at all.

Accept your feelings You may experience a variety of feelings. Whether it’s sadness, emptiness, loneliness, anger, shock, or despair, every one of them is valid. Allow yourself to feel them all and accept them without judgment.

Be patient and compassionate with yourself Be patient and compassionate with yourself, as well as forgiving, if you were not able to emotionally handle your parent’s demands and expectations or were not as responsive as you think you should have been as they aged and became more dependent on you.

Journal Journaling can be a powerful tool to help you process your grief, get in touch with repressed thoughts and feelings, and gain clarity and a sense of catharsis over painful memories.

Write a letter to your parent Writing a letter to your parent can help bring resolution to things weighing you down that you wish they knew, like the devastation you felt when they failed to attend your school or sports events, to expressing remorse and making amends for issues you regret.

Prioritize self-care Grief can affect you physically as well as emotionally, and it is important not to neglect self-care. Take one day at a time and make an effort to nurture your psyche as well as your body by eating balanced, nutritious meals, getting enough rest, reaching out to others for support, lightening your schedule as much as possible, and doing one good thing for yourself each day that used to bring you joy before your parent died.

Treasure your memories and find ways to celebrate your parent Treasure your memories and share them with your family and friends. Find ways to remember and celebrate your parent such as making their favorite recipe at family gatherings; wearing his or her apron when cooking; putting together a photo album, box of mementos, and/or written accounts of their life to pass down to your children and grandchildren; or creating a lasting tribute such as planting a tree or bush in their memory, or sponsoring a bench in a park

Look for meaning in your loss Look for ways you can find meaning in your loss, such as becoming involved in a cause that was meaningful to your parent, continuing a tradition that they started, living out and sharing a lesson they passed on to you, or helping others process their grief and find comfort and healing.

Join a support group A support group is a good way to connect with others who have also experienced a loss. It provides a safe space where you can share your feelings with others who are able to relate to what you are going through. Sharing your pain may not cause it to disappear, but it can provide comfort and help make your grief more bearable.

Scripture Verses That Offer Hope And Encouragement

Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might break the power of him who holds the power of death – that is, the devil – and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death.– Hebrews 2:14-15, NIV

God is not an impersonal God watching from a distance. Jesus took on human flesh and experienced everything we do. He understands what you are going through.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. –Psalm 34:18, NIV

Your feelings may feel overwhelming, but God is in the midst of your grief with you. He loves you and wants to comfort and minister to you and give you the strength and grace to walk through your grief after the loss of a parent.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. – Matthew 11:28, NIV

If you are feeling weary and weighed down by your grief, Jesus invites you to turn your burden over to Him, and He will give you rest.

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. – Psalm 68:5, NIV

…God has said, “Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you. – Hebrews 13:5b, NIV

Amid the turmoil and pain, there is one thing you can be certain of, and that is the consistency of God. God’s love will never change or go away. He wants you to trust Him even when life takes an unexpected turn.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. – 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, NIV

Healing comes when we allow God to use us to comfort others who are grieving, even in the midst of our own grief and sorrow.

If you need more help than what this article on the loss of a parent could provide, please don’t hesitate to give us a call.