Coming to Grips with ADHD Anger

Whether you have ADHD or know someone who does, you might have experienced ADHD anger. As with most people who deal with angry outbursts, there is usually something behind and beneath the emotions. Understanding what lies beneath the anger is helpful because it gives us an idea of how to cope with anger.

However, unlike neurotypical people, there are unique issues behind ADHD anger. It might take some time to discover what is triggering this anger and how to cope with it, but it is perfectly possible to cope with ADHD anger and avoid some of its more damaging effects.

The Dopamine Dilemma

All neurodiverse people have problems regulating their emotions; it is a part of the terrain of having a different nervous system. For those with ADHD, it is because their nervous system has lower-than-average levels of dopamine.

Dopamine is a complex hormone that affects our feelings of pleasure and satisfaction, movement and motor control, and physical functions like sleep, digestion, and heart rate. Most importantly, it has a role in our cognitive functions, like memory, focus, and learning. Without this hormone, we are more likely to feel frustrated, under- or over-stimulated, easily distracted, and emotionally dysregulated.

While we naturally have lower levels of dopamine than neurotypical people, we have the additional problem of having too many dopamine transporters. This means that the small amounts of dopamine in our system travel to the brain too quickly to be of any lasting use because of the abundance of transporters.

Therefore, we don’t have enough dopamine in our system to have any meaningful effect. The small amounts produced are sent to the brain and used up far too quickly. This results in those with ADHD getting “stuck” repetitively doing activities that provide little hits of dopamine, such as binge eating, playing endless hours of video games, or scrolling for hours on social media.

ADHD, Hyperfocus, and Anger

One of the reasons why those with ADHD get so cranky is that they get hyper-focused on the source of their frustration. For example, let’s say that someone with ADHD is playing a video game that has a particularly challenging level. There are no stakes involved in this game, and anyone else who plays it will usually quit as soon as it becomes too difficult to play.

The person with ADHD, however, locks in and becomes emotionally invested, becoming more and more annoyed with each failure. By the time they pass the level, they are in a fit of rage, but there is also a sense of satisfaction and enjoyment.

When someone with ADHD becomes hyper-focused on an activity that causes agitation or frustration, they are experiencing the effects of dopamine. This can feel addictive, but as with all addictions and hyperfixations, it is damaging in the long term. The problem with anger is that it doesn’t go away or diminish until it is expressed somehow.

Anger is a kinetic emotion that must come out physically. This means that when we have become agitated over something as trivial as a video game or other mindless activity, that anger remains stored in our bodies. It doesn’t take much to overflow into our other activities and interactions with people.

The ADHD Anger Iceberg

Hyperfocus is just one potential cause of ADHD anger. As with neurotypical people, there might be several issues beneath and behind the anger. The issues that typically affect ADHD anger are:

• Being overwhelmed or overstimulated
• Having sensory sensitivities like annoyance from bright lights or a loud environment
• Struggling with executive functions like planning and starting tasks
• Lack of sleep
• A need for proper nutrients
• Being distracted just as we managed to focus on a task
• Medication side effects
• Irritability caused by medication that is becoming less effective

Those with ADHD must commonly face some or all of these issues. It is a logical response to feel angry about any one of them. We might be feeling angry as a result of a combination of these things, such as hyper-focusing on a change we want to make in our bedroom, which causes us to lose sleep until we have made the change.

Although the source of our agitation might seem trivial, it is debilitating to feel angry over something we cannot control. The effects of our anger can be physically exhausting and uncomfortable for those around us.

The Two Sides of ADHD Anger

Before we consider some of the things we can do to manage anger, it might be helpful to learn one more thing about ADHD anger. Having a neurodiverse brain means that we are frequently emotionally dysregulated, and anger is often a part of our emotional dysregulation. This means that we tend to feel many emotions at once, often without knowing why we feel them, where they come from, or what to do with them.

To regain a sense of control, it often helps to examine some of the emotions we are feeling and to place them into boxes or categories. ADHD anger is often irritability, but sometimes it is exuberant.

Irritability is straightforward to understand. Something has triggered us and put us in a bad mood, and our anger rages like a fire until it dies down to surly embers. Whatever triggered us initially has affected our mood for a long time, and we struggle to get past that.

However, sometimes ADHD anger is exuberant. Like anger, this is a form of extreme emotional dysregulation, and it often feels uncomfortable and agitating. However, unlike anger, ADHD exuberance has a positive trigger.

For example, we might have received some exciting news, experienced a breakthrough, or spent a long time in the company of someone we adore. This could result in an uncomfortable spike in our emotions, and we might become prickly or heated in the way that we interact with others, even though we are in a good mood overall.

ADHD anger is complex and difficult to deal with, but much more so when we can’t make sense of it. Why would we snap at a friend when we are feeling ecstatic? It is a part of the complex emotional dysregulation of a neurodiverse brain. Understanding the difference between “grumpy anger” and “happy anger” might help us as we try to become emotionally regulated.

Interrupting ADHD Anger

One of the most important things a person with ADHD can do for their mood is to interrupt their anger before they begin fixating on it. To go back to the example of the video game triggering rage, if the person playing it simply saved their progress, exited the game, and walked away, they would not end up feeling rage. Hyperfocus is only helpful if it allows us to complete tasks. Otherwise, it is debilitating, and we must learn to interrupt it.

The most practical way of interrupting hyperfocus is to physically leave the situation. Quit the game, put the phone down, get up, and get a glass of water to drink, or go out for a brisk walk. These are simple, practical, and effective ways of interrupting your hyperfocus before it escalates into anger or rage. Sometimes, it’s just helpful to get some fresh air and a bit of hydration because goodness knows those with ADHD all need more of that!

Always remember that your brain is starving for a fixation. It wants to put all of its focus on something. Provide it with a healthy fixation, like meal prep, working out, or cleaning up. None of these options sounds appealing at first, but your brain will thrive when you allow it to get into a routine and a rhythm.

There might be personal issues behind your anger that go deeper than ADHD hyperfocus. In this case, consider meeting with a counselor and unpack some of the burdens you have been carrying. If you would like to find out more about counseling, including how to meet with a counselor, contact our offices today to meet with one of the therapists in our practice. We are here to help.